one day at a time

Posted , 2 users are following.

hi everyone. i think i suffered with depression for years without knowing or believing i had a problem; until whole life of abuse, tradegy and feelings of i dont derserve to be here on earth came to a head 5 weeks ago when i broke down in floods of tears at my GP's.even a waiting room full of people could not hold the tears back.then 2 days later and 2 wks later i tried twice to kill myself. i have been lucky as i have had a good GP and a team called the Crisis team who give 24/7 support although i found it difficult to even allow them into my sad life.my problems are with the medication they want me to take and i just cant take them, they've tried everything to presuade me but the stuff i've read about side effects have made the thought of taking anything really terrifying. i also have the guilt with me that its not a terminal illness and yet the majority of time i wanted to die how bad is that?! the team keep telling me its an illness like any other and just as serious but i'm still trying to get my head round whats happened to me and why. now i have the most difficult time since this all happened my GP is leaving the crisis tem are leaving and there's a long wait for therapy; i'm not sure how i'm going to cope, its strange how on my own i've coped with everything life has thrown at me and now i'm more scared than ever to cope alone.does anyone else have any of these feelings?

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3 Replies

  • Posted

    hi there just to let you know your not alone and i know what your going through. i had read alot about the medication i was given and i also thought there was no way out but i have started my medication and at first i felt no different but i went back to my GP and told him i felt no different and he increased my dosage and now 1 week on i feel like i can a least get out of bed now, i too have been ill for just over 5 weeks as it hit me between the eyes straight on and i was bowled over by it, i knew that i was not right for quite a while and just plodded on with life thinking that it was just one of those things in life which i did not understand why everything bad happened to me when i had always tried my best in life. but please dont think your alone as i know how you feel. please feel free to mail me on ****. x

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  • Posted

    Hi Nicky,

    I have been in your position when my youngest child was born and also had help from a visitng crisis team which I think was my saving grace.I also had a very supportive health visitor and a good visiting psychiatrist.Once the CAT team withdrew,I had an occupational therapist who came to see me and helped me do quite basic things which gave me my confidence back.

    I am now poorly again 3 years later and feel stuck, as I am not ill enough for the crisis team to visit, but frustrated with my gp as he has prescribed me Citalopram and they are making me feel worse!

    It's sometimes such a long road to recovery and there are times when we can relapse for no particular reason but eventually we get better and maybe more able to cope the next time.

    I wish you luck and continued success in beating the depression.x

  • Posted

    Hi, When feeling bad first good thing to do is to follow doctor's advise. I know how you do not want to take medication. You feel like taking something strange into your body and the fright of side effects which might be disturbing, but without taking the medication you suffer from much more \"side effects\". You are feeling bad and sad and weak and disfunctional and what is good about this? With medication at least you know that for a while you'll feel bad but for the long run it might help and make you feel better.

    You know the moment you go to a doctor for help he'll give you something. There is not a magic work that cures. And when you get stronger you can go for therapy and cure the bad things that occured in your life by talking to some one.

    I hope this will help you to take the right decision for yourself.

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