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opinions please?

Posted , 6 users are following.

danielle_62923
danielle_62923

I got out of hospital a couple of weeks ago from an overdose, and since ive got out, ive constantly thought about doing it again and I get so angry I feel like hurting other people now too (although im sure I never could, I'm not a violent person at all). that was the second overdose ive taken and I keep thinking of other ways to do it now which does scare me. I'm very very paranoid, I live by myself and I triple check the house before I go to bed, behind the curtains and doors, the bathroom etc. my sleeping pattern is extremely messed up, sleep from 9am-4pm ish and so on. I get so angry and mad at every body that speaks to me eg friends and family because I feel like they're constantly judging me and think they know how I feel when they really don't. they say things like 'itll be okay' or 'lighten up' when they claim to know what im going through and I just get so mad. I'm always constantly on the verge of either screaming or breaking tears and I just don't know what to do anymore. 

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • hypercat
    hypercat danielle_62923

    Posted

    Hi people aren't judging you at all they just don't know what to say to you and are scared of saying the wrong thing.  Do you have a relation or friend you could sit down with and explain what depression is and how you feel?   Have you been back to your doctors?   Are you seeing a counsellor?  

    You are not alone now though coz we all understand on here how you are feeling.  Sometimes we don't get the help,  support and understand we need in our real lives which is why forums like this exist.   Feel free to vent on here if it helps as you are in a safe supportive place.  x

    • danielle_62923
      danielle_62923 hypercat

      Posted

      I've been off work for a couple of months due to this and as helpful as my mum is her answer for everything is 'get back to work' and everything will be fine and it just makes me so mad. I feel like everyone has a person that they will choose over everybody else, and I'm not that person to anyone anymore and it makes me feel so useless. I'm just so angry at life at the moment x
  • LoneWolf7
    LoneWolf7 danielle_62923

    Posted

    I tried suicide once, and for me it's just not worth it because down the line your on a path to something which will make your entire life. I check my house a lot too and I don't even live alone, that's normal due to your anxiety and paranoia. None will know what runs through your mind but you and all of us on here, you're here now, safe, and we'll help you all we can.

    For your sleeping patterns, don't fall asleep when 9am comes around, stay awake untill that following night then jump into bed around 7 and just relax and aim to be ready to sleep around 10 or 11, you might get worked up and a little stressed because of it but thats okay your body is adapting to it smile

    But for overdosing, it's not worth it, I promise smile

  • jes46673
    jes46673 danielle_62923

    Posted

    Is there a reason to all those thoughts you're having? Was it like that your whole life or did something happen that caused that? 

    Have you thought of going to therapy?

    • danielle_62923
      danielle_62923 jes46673

      Posted

      much more recently I think. I've never been a very happy person, but the last year or so I've been much worse with the depression and paranoia. I haven't had feelings of anger at all until recently, I'm constantly just so mad and I don't know why. 

      I have thought of therapy and I do think it would probably help, but I feel extremely uncomfortable talking face-to-face about my feelings. even with my mum, if I'm really bad I won't tell her to her face it has to be on a text. I don't know why. x

    • hypercat
      hypercat danielle_62923

      Posted

      Ha my mum was the last person I would ever have confided my feelings to! Is there anyone else you can talk to?

      It is very different talking to a therapist as they are a stranger and that easier often than talking to those we love.  Also they are trained in how to help you find your own answers.  You might find it difficult at first but I think you should try counselling.  x

  • gillian20097
    gillian20097 danielle_62923

    Posted

    Nobody can begin to understand what you are going through unless they have been there themselves and even then our stories are different. All I know is that we are all trying to get to the same place,we all want to be well,we all want our lives back to how it was,better than how it was.

    Our families and friends feel frustrated because they don't know what to do to help us and to see us so lost and scared breaks there hearts. They try to come up with solutions to fix us and they are honestly doing it with the best intentions,not realising that it's not so easy...if it where....we would of done it!!! 

    My mum is full of great ideas to get me motivated but her suggestions only force me further into the corner,frightened that I will let them all down.

    Truth is....we are all capable of doing all the things we did before....every part of our bodies are working just how it should...the only thing different from before is that now we have depression/ anxiety which has temporarily mixed up our minds and made us believe that all the things we used to be able to do without a second thought...we are job longer capable of doing. Anxiety and depression are liars. Today I needed to go shopping but anxiety told me I couldn't...that I'd flip out and go mental in the middle of asda.....I ignored it and went anyway.....Yes I was very uncomfortable and yes I did a speed shop but I didn't die,I didn't flip out and I got home in one piece......If I keep proving depression and anxiety wrong....then it will lose its power over me and eventually have no place in my life.

    Every day is a struggle but I am determined now that this is not going to take another moment from me. I'm ready to move on and win the battle. In weeks to come Hun,so will you. Each day you will get a tiny bit stronger..your mind will retrieve old memories and know the way it should be thinking and know the things you are capable of. It takes time but you will get there.....Be strong,be brave and take the tiniest of steps until you reach your goal xxx

    • annie76135
      annie76135 gillian20097

      Posted

      A lovely post Gillian and I agree with the things you write. Depression is hard for us to handle so I know it must be very frustrating for family at times. I know that I am super sensitive and take things they say the wrong way. They are only trying to help and my family does not like seeing me struggle. Keep hopeful things will improve.Look after yourself today xx
    • danielle_62923
      danielle_62923 gillian20097

      Posted

      this was one of the best things that I have read and when I feel I can't do something now - im sure this will be the first think I think of. and well done for really trying! thank you so much xxx
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