Pain after hemorrhoidectomy ... is the ever an end?

I had surgery on February 24th 2020. I was told the pain was going to be pretty bad. I was in outpatient surgery got done with surgery about 9 o'clock in the morning. I had the spinal block so I had to wait for my legs to come back and be able to walk. I did not pee after surgery before they let me go home. I got home and it was about 1:30 p.m. Before I left I told them that I had pressure and it felt like I had to pee but I couldn't. So as I am home I was in and uncomfortable state with my rectum still being quite numb and feeling all of the pressure. I did not pee at home when the spinal wore off. I had such bad pressure I could not pass gas and I could not pee. It felt like as if everything was pulsating and spasming. I ended up trying to call the hospital or clinic, because they told me if my pain was unbearable to call or if I hadn't peed by 3 p.m. I called them 21 times, turns out their phones were out from some technical issue. Of course that caused a state of panic like no other. I ended up going back in, which is a 30 minute drive. my mother was driving, now mind you she's in her early 60's. she was going 80 mph! Yes 80!! I told her that we would be in a world of hurt if we got into an accident or pulled over. I must have scared her with my pain reaction, I can usually handle it pretty good. We ended up in the waiting room for 1 hour before what I feel may have been the devil talking to the receptionist about stopping this God awful pain. I was admitted overnight for observation and pain management. Turned out that I had all kinds of trapped gas in my rectum, causing all that pressure, and definitely all the pain (at the time). They gave me morphine and I hated it. I felt it made me high versus take my pain away. Someone in the middle of the night I had them stop the morphine and figure out something else. They actually gave me anxiety medication, which relaxed me enough to pass gas. There was so much trapped in there, if a nurse would have walked in, I'd have probably blown her away. I might also mention I was not able to urinate on my own, the nurse ended up having to straight cath me. I was however able to in the morning. I waited to make sure the regiment of medicine I was on was working before they sent me home. I had bowel movements every single day since surgery. on day 3 post surgery I had to go to the bathroom. Now I had been drinking metamucil, and taking stool softeners more than recommended because of my history with pain medicine causing constipation. I had that heavy feeling in my rectum, my stomach was in knots, and the urge to have a bowel movement was so strong. I prepared my bottles of water, a cool wet paper towel to hold on my rectum after my BM, had my creams ready. I can tell you that I was not prepared enough for what was coming next. My body forced this bowl movement out. It was much more firm than others have been. This was by far the most painful thing I have ever been through in my entire life. Now mind you, I've had several surgeries prior to this. This bowl movement felt like my entire rectum was being ripped apart. I almost passed out from the pain and may have spoken a foreign language I didn't know I could. I screamed, I gritted my teeth, I wad in full body tremors. I was terrified of the damage done. While ugly crying I got up and turned the shower head on, held that sucker there for as long as I could tolerate. I dried off and pt my creams on, ran to my medicine, took my pain relievers and laid on my couch and cried. The worst wasn't over yet though, I had to go again. I WAS TERRIFIED! I drank a little coffee, tons of water, ate popsicles, and literally prayed. Now I am not a church goer, but I do believe in the big guy upstairs. I never really pray, but let me tell you... I PRAYED! Here I am sitting on the toilet in permission for my second SWEET HOLY MOTHER OF GOD moment. Well I can tell you, it was bad. Not as bad as the first time, but still very painful. With this one though, there wasn't more waiting at the exit. Because of my intake of liquids and such, it came flying out like a rocket ship, again there was no control. Now it being the day after my horrible bathroom experience, I have diarrhea almost. By bumhole feels very raw, and it burns like the depths of Hell are vacationing in my rectum. I am feeling quite regretful if this surgery at this moment. I'm fearful that I have undone some of what was done, as if maybe some stitches had torn or something. I have more blood than I did the day of surgery. It's not a lot, but still more, probably twice the amount. I am wondering if there were similar situations and everything turned out ok. I feel like this is never gluing to end.

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