Panic Attacks Because of My Boyfriend With Aspergers

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I really do love my boyfriend but it's just that I had just fallen out of the infatuation stage and I got confused as to why he was suddenly irritating me rather than having the feelings that everything was alright. I'm terrified at the thought of losing him and the thought of break up triggers my anxiety but now it comes on after every time he does something to irritate me. I had just gotten diagnosed with anxiety and depression recently and for awhile, I just went to him like he was some sort of narcotic. He was the only thing that really helped my stress. Now I realized that I won't always be happy with my man and now I panic every time I get a doubt. I just got my perscription pills today and I don't want to make any quick decisions until I know for sure what I feel. I don't want to lose him but, the way things are going, it almost seems hopeless. He loves me, I know he does and he's said so. I just don't want to lose him. But now I'm just so confused about my doubts and going through something that's supposed to be normal in relationships but my anxiety takes it to another level but I firmly believe he's worth staying with. However, to top off my anxiety and depression, I'm a freshman in college and my grades are going bad. Then the cherry on top of this stress flavored cake is that my boyfriend has aspergers, which makes it hard for him to empathize, he teases me and thinks it's funny and does not seem to know why I find it insulting, and I just want to stay with him and then I'm terrified but he seems to have no idea. I've gotten to where I'm not sure what my feelings are anymore. I've come close to letting him go because I don't know if I can take this stress and yet, I think all that will do is make things worse. I just hold onto the fact that I really want to stay with him and came here for advice. I mean, today, I had fun with him and was happy for a second but then he brought up something I wanted no part of and now I'm just terrified as to what it means. I know for a fact that no couple can have the complete same interests but... Should I just tell him that I'm not into superheroes and the other stuff he's into? I don't even have the same interests. I want a partner and a bestfriend, not just a buddy or, as my friend Alexia put it, a 'little brother'. I just don't know how to go about this but I just want to be happy and I just can't have him forcing all of his interests on me. Don't even get me started on the SpongeBob movie. I knew I was going to hate it before I watched it and I hated it even more when I left the theatres but I gave the movie a chance just for him. But when it comes to things I like, he won't give it much of a chance if he doesn't like the thought of it and when we do something he actually does like or talk about something he likes, he completely takes over everything without leaving much room for me to speak.The point is, I don't know if I can tell him my feelings without hurting him or losing him but at this rate, we may just fall apart because I'm going insane! What's worse is that we are both in our first relationship and we're just figuring things out. But like any relationship, I believe it requires my full effort because I really want us to work but it's gotten stressful. If someone can give me advice that would be much appreciated. Whoever responds, take in account that he has aspergers. Please be professional about this. I just want advice.

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  • Posted

    Wow, I feel your stress! Im not sure how much you know about Aspergers in General but a very common trait of it is people will continuoisly talk about whatever it is they're into. I know, both my son's are Aspergers! The good news is that people with aspergers are not beyond reasoning with. On the whole they are smart and able to understand how things affect others, but only if they are told specifically. So, I'd suggest talking to him, tell him how you feel, try and break it down so that it's more black and white. Give him examples of when he hasn't wanted to participate in things you are interested in and explain that that's how you feel about superheroes and sponge bob! He should understand better if you say it like that. Try to be gentle as people with aspergers can be very sensitive and easily mistake constructive advice for outright criticism. You guys are young though and your first relationship shouldn't be this stressful,so if talking to him doesn't help and you still feel the same, perhaps it's time to move on? Good luck!
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    • Posted

      I know and thank you. It's not even just him but the strain of our relationship in general. I think I may have just gotten out of the infatuation stage and then thought that maybe I don't love him crossed my mind and then it caused me to panic. It's like I woke up from a dream and now some of the things I used to think were cute are now getting to me and I don't exactly know how to deal with this new feeling of loving him but also getting irritated by him easier than I used to. But, he does empathize with me. I started crying during lunch and he took me into his arms to comfort me. So I think he is more aware of what I'm going through than what I give him credit for. I don't remember if I said I was also diagnose with depression. So that's not going to help anything. I do have moments where I don't know if I can do this anymore.
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  • Posted

    Hi hon. Your top priority should be your grades in school. This is going to be your support for life. I have a daughter with Autism/Aspergers, and you are describing her. In watching her grow, and going through all the ups and downs, I have realized that my husband has a lot of these traits also. We are in the middle of a divorce. When you have anxiety, and need a positive support, there are some people that are just not able to give it. I am not saying that your boyfriend is not able to. I do not know him. But in my experience, they obsess about what they like. If you are not into, you will be left alone a lot. Only you can decide if it is worth it or not. Wishing you well xx
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    • Posted

      He's given me support. He will comfort me and he did today during lunch when I started crying over my confused feelings (I did not tell him why I was crying). He took me in his arms and held me until I finally calmed myself down. He's probably more aware of what's going on than what I give him credit for. He has a way of surprising me.
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