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Panic Disorder or...

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Gypsy1313
Gypsy1313

First let me say, I’ve suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It had to be twenty years ago when my doctor diagnosed me with GAD. I’ve taught myself to live with being anxious, and I’ve been able to manage it without medication all these years. Occasionally, like maybe once every four months or so, I would take a .25 Alprazolam if it got so bad that I couldn’t manage. I don’t like taking pills (I won’t even take Tylenol). I wont say I was leading a normal life, but I was happy and doing well even with all my little anxieties. Until a year ago in May when everything changed.

I used to be a caffeine junkie. I say used to because the day I had too much it ended up a quick trip to the ER via the fire department. After my heart rate went down, they released me from the hospital saying I had anxiety. Well, it wasn’t any kind of anxiety I’d ever felt, but whatever. The next couple of days were normal, I felt drained, but normal. Then it happened again. Totally unprovoked without anxious thoughts or caffeine. Initially I felt a wave of heat come over me, and then a feeling of suffocation, and then dizziness and palpitations came quickly after.

After multiple doctors and tests, I’m still trying to accept this is panic and not something physically wrong with me. It happens out of nowhere when I’m feeling ok. It might just be a dizzy feeling, or a numbness, or like I’m detached from myself, or that suffocating feeling. It always manifests physically before I start to feel anxious, and that is what makes it so difficult for me to convince myself it’s anxiety. This is nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. I do know, whether it’s anxiety or not, I’ve developed agoraphobia because of it. It’s been so incredibly debilitating.

I still have a script for Alprazolam, but I’ve become terrified to take it even though I’ve taken it before. I feel like if I do take it, it will give my brain the chance to be logical enough to talk myself out of this cycle like it did when I first took it years ago. But, fear stops me from taking it. I literally cant even force myself. I guess my biggest fear is that it will cause a panic attack that I cant calm down from, and I'm just too exhausted to handle the ER again.

Does anyone else have mostly physical symptoms? How can I force myself to take the stupid pill?

-For anyone that takes time to read this, Thank you ❤️

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • megan2323
    megan2323 Gypsy1313

    Posted

    You sound exactly like me . I can relate. I have had GAD for 20 years. It has turned into panic disorder from not using any meds. I have thought I was having heart issues for years. They say I have a fast heart rate and it is worsened by anxiety I have all physcial symptoms. My panic includes fast heart rate, flushed face,palpitations, dizzy and feeling like I am losing touch of reality. Happens quickly and sometimes multiple times a week. I am scared of meds as well. I finally forced myself to take klonepin my doc prescribed because I was losing my st. I take it rarely but i forced myself because st can it get any worse then the way I am lving now..No. Take the pill when needed and continue with self meditation and counseling. Im thinking about starting zoloft soon to

    • Gypsy1313
      Gypsy1313 megan2323

      Posted

      Hi Megan!

      Thanks so much for taking time out to reply.

      I keep waiting for a time when I feel safe to try and the alprazolam, but that time never seems to come. I even thought about driving to the hospital and taking it in the parking lot in case something happens LOL. I have a script for clonazepam as well, but that scares me more than the alprazolam. I know I shouldnt read about side effects, but of course I always do. I'm doing CBT, but I really think I need to medicate a little to help me get over the hump. If you dont mind me asking, how does that medication make you feel?

  • megan2323
    megan2323 Gypsy1313

    Posted

    Another thing my panic attacks change over the years. They are scary. You think this is it. I am dying. I dont wish this on anyone

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