Panic disorder. Please help

Posted , 4 users are following.

Alrighty, as a child I always remembering me being nervous. I would have irrational thoughts all the time. Examples would be if my parents traveled for work that something's would happen like a plane crash for example. So on and so fourth. In August of 2013 I smoked way to much marijuana as a chance to get it out of my system before heading to college. That night I had a terrible experience and had a panic attack. I remember trying to close My eyes because how tired I was but I couldn't because I would get these weird visions when my eyes were closed they resembled cartoons as a child (I know weird right)The next morning I had brain fog and was freaked out that I had done serious damage to my brain.

I had the usual depersonalization feeling that normal anxiety suffers get. School started 2 weeks later and I always felt like there was a piece of glass in front of me the whole time for the first year. That summer I spent with my dad and he traveled most of the time so I had a lot of to think. My anxiety came back and so did the depersonlization. I always had to turn the jacuzzi on or go to one of my friends place to calm me down. During that's time I couldnt stop googling my symptoms and the "when is it going to end" 9' google. I ended up seeing a therapist and it went away again shortly after from me being involved in my fraternity and social aspect.

2 years later in August of 2016 I again smoked weed like a dumb ass and it flared up once again. I'm currently seeing a therapist and doing sessions of biofeedback. The questions I have are: will this ever go away like it did before? Also I keep looking up symptoms of schizophrenia and taking the test which I score a 1 on. But for some reason it's not helping me (I have always been a hypochondriac). Also I feel like I'm in a never ending tornado of anxiety and depression and I will never get out. I also get these random moments of despair and hopelessness and I keep reverting back to childhood memories but for some reason these childhood memories are very sinister and scary even though the memory isn't scary and they were happy times for me ( I would love to get advice on that). I also get anxiety when I gaze over a long distance. I'm pretty anti medication and am scared of CBT. I just want this nightmare to end. I no longer see the point or happiness of life anymore. And I haven't bus irrational fear about going crazy like all of the sudden I will start hearing voices. Which has Never happened to me by the way.

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • Posted

    Good Gracious!

    Can you explain, Sharms, what you're hoping for from this website. People who feel like you.............people who are schizophrenics to reassure you that you're not one..........somewherre in that post there must have been a human being reaching out but for once I wasn't sure ehat to do or say.

    So I thought I'd reply and ask you.

    After all, you wrote the post, so what are you hoping for from it?

    I hope that doesn't come across as aggressive or challenging - seriously, I'm at a loss here.

    But I'm sure we can figure things out, Sharms.

    HEY, i'VE NEVER HEARD VOICES EITHER.

    That seemed to be important. For you to get across, I mean, because there is an undercurrent of HAVE I GOT SCHIZOPHRENIA  running through this thread. Not sure why, but I expect you'll explain.

    love Chrissie.

  • Posted

    This is so similar to my story. As a kid I was always somewhat anxious, irrational thoughts etc. I started college, and it all started to disappear. Then I moved in with my partner and for six years I've lead a pretty normal life, with only the usual anxiety coming up every now and then.

    Last year though I went on a night out for my partners birthday and we ended up at a friend of my sisters, he had weed and even though I wasn't much of a smoker I had some because I was so drunk, I didn't realise how strong it was and blacked out, awoke and had a massive panic attack and felt totally out of it. Since then I've been an anxious mess, it's triggered something that I can't seem to shift. There have been a lot of threads on here with the same sort of stories after smoking weed, so you're definitely not alone. Weed isn't good for people with existing mental health problems, it can exacerbate them as it has done with us. Try and keep remembering that this is just a vicious thought cycle and you need to keep training your brain to not think in this way anymore. You're not schizophrenic, if you were you probably wouldn't realise it. You're JUST anxious, it cannot harm you, it won't kill you and it won't make you go insane. Practice mindfulness , meditation, breathing exercises etc. Find a hobby that'll keep your mind busy. Make sure you don't let it win, for instance if I had my way I wouldn't go outside but I still do every day because I have to work.

    Best of luck to you mate!

    • Posted

      Thank you. When I wrote that I was in a very bad anxious state. I am and always was a bad hypochondriac. I always thought weed screwed up my brain and I died or something ( I know weird right). Lately I just get this weird thoughts and images pass through my head and a feeling of overwhelming fear. This lasts for about 5 seconds. When I google this it shows a seizure even thought I dont have any seizure like symptoms. I just feeled trapped. These 5 seconds of literally take me to another place. It is incredbily scarry. Please calm this anxious mind lol. 
  • Posted

     Shaaaarms... I myself as a child was very anxious. I'd have nighmares and be scared my family was going to die sometimes. I'm now 19 and whenever I stress out I hear vioces from the people in my childhood nightmares. It's awful. For me smoking has always helped me stay asleep and relax but it doesnt look like that's the case for you. Since you have these panic attacks when you smoke I'd advise you to not, it may seem like a good idea but remember the result when you do. It's good that you're going to therapy but ask yourself "am i really getting anything out of this?" I have yet to find someone who works for me. Because I myself  hear voices I have often thought the same thing but schitzophrenia is very serious and I believe that the voices could strictly be from the stress, deprression, and anxiety you are currently having. As far as medication goes i dont blame you for being against it, most anxiety medicines are useless (buspar) or very addictive and hard to come off of like xanax or kpins. There's no way to say whether this will just magically go away again, once you've experienced short or long term anxiety it's a constant battle to keep it away or at least minimal. Breathing exercises and minimizing the daily stress in your life will bring you more postive thoughts as well. Hang in there I know how hard this ongoing struggle can be.

    Sav

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.