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Parent of alcoholic painful to watch my adult child on life support

Posted , 3 users are following.

hope4cure
hope4cure

It's been 1 yr. since my son was on life support almost died from drinking again. 

I have tried everthing to help him for many yrs. now it's effecting my health.

i just can't talk to him any more it's to painful. I don't know what to do? I have counceling,just can't get over this waiting for what's next? The phone ringscry I start shaking...it's tearing apart my family, & I am traumatized .Everyone is so done I don't like to leave him with no family support. He has many mentally ill issues from yrs of alcohol abuse & is not really responsible. What to do next?

As long as there is breath there is hope. Life is a Gift.

peace, lov & laughter

4 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • misse995
    misse995 hope4cure

    Posted

    I completely understand your frustration. My husband is going through the same thing and sometimes I literally want to hit him over the head and make him stop hurting himself. I feel so powerless at times because I can't make him stop doing such foolish behaviors. For me it has taken a lot of willpower of reminding myself that I have my own life and he has his. All I can be is a support and ultimately he will make his own decisions. It is my responsiblity to take care of myself and our kids in case he does one day get better he has a family to return to. For him he drinks to self medicate, so I have been encouraging him (when he is sober) to find other ways of getting treatment... there are the good days and there are the bad,, you know?
    • hope4cure
      hope4cure misse995

      Posted

      Hello misse,

      your words really hit a nerve.. U r so right take care of urself & UR family. 

      Most alcoholics drink to self medicate.. It's so hard to watch..

      the book "The Mind Of A Alcoholic" really helped give me insight into the addiction. How the mind sabotages sobriety . The cravings r in charge .

      yet we feel their pain & at the same time for our own health must cut the ties. Then many develop mental illness issues dur to years of abuse.

      its really hard as u know. My heart goes out to u. Thanks for sharing.

      stay strong. Many blessings sent UR way.

      HOPE4CURE confused

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 hope4cure

    Posted

    Dear hope for cure, I am so terribly sorry to hear the very sad plight of your son. Please try to never give up hope, but you really must look after yourself.  

    I too was very similar to your son, I was sectioned four times into a mental health hospital, I had severe liver damage, near kidney failure, brain shrinkage and I was only two weeks away from death with a heart problem. All this was caused by alcohol abuse over a period of ten years.   However the good new is that your body recovers when you abstain from alcohol.    

    I never ever thought that I would be able to give up, I weighed under six stone, I only drank and never ate.  I am so ashamed and sorry for the worry I put my husband and my four children through, also the rest of my family who never gave up on me.

    I am sure that your son is very scared at the prospect of stopping drinking(it is very hard to imagine life without it) I am sure that he also hates himself and the hurt and worry he has caused all around him, especially you.  Have you got a good GPS that you could talk to about the possibility of your son having an inpatient detox, it really is the only way as it keeps you away from alcohol and you are watched and encouraged the whole time. Your son needs to regain his self esteem and learn to like himself again. It is very hard, but believe me it can be done.

    Please,please, please look after yourself and don't ever give up hope on your son ( you could ask for a mental health referral for both yourself and your son as you are both obviously depressed, ) It helped me a great deal also my family because it took the pressure of them.   Good luck, be kind to yourself always.   X

    • hope4cure
      hope4cure deirdre._03652

      Posted

      We have tried to get my son into residential treatment so many times. He's an adult I nave no control unless he legally signs his rights .

      he was on life support because he was living on the streets and passed out. Then someone almost killed him by pouring bleach over him. He was soaked in it it burned his esophagus and lungs severely , skin and eyes. I watched him on life support every day talked to him read to him from the AAA book. After he recovered from that with therapy breathing and oh it was all to much still, this happened last summer. 

      I could see that look in his eyes that all he could think about is his next drinks after he got out of the hospital. He survived wasn't expected to he was given a second chance at life...

      I begged the hospital to put him in residential treatment.. My pleading fell on deaf ears. Two weeks in therapy they released him so weak he could hardly walk no money no place to go.. He disappeared into the streets.

      It wasn't to long until he ended up back in jail on drunk charges. I cannot go thru watching & waiting... My heart is broken over 20 years of this has taken a toll on everyone. Everyone in My family hates him I am the only one left.

       I truly understand the cravings and addiction how alcohol shrinks the brain sabatoges sobriety. I have seen brain scans of the alcoholic brain vs normal brain.. All the addiction areas have grown larger and brighter, while reasoning life decision making areas have shrunk .

      i will never give up hope I will always love my son for who he is as his addiction is madness in every science of the word. I will never get back the 20 years I have missed and he has missed... Life is what it is.. 

      It never takes away the pain from either one of us.. Will always be who we are no matter how this ends up.

      life is a gift & how many times can my son throw away that gift for a life of addiction self hate depression mental illness and sometimes I think mabe death would give him peace. His suicide attempts over the years has drained the whole family.

      i am so pleased that were are one of the few who have found sobriety. 

      Bless u and UR family.confused

      HOPE4CURE

       

    • deirdre._03652
      deirdre._03652 hope4cure

      Posted

      Dear hope 4cure,

      Thank you so very much for your heartfelt reply I was so moved and so overwhelmed by the awful time you have all experienced. I have cried every time I re-read it.

      You must be so angry that your son has not received more help, is there nothing  that his GP or social worker (if he has one)  you must want to scream from the rooftops in absolute despair.xxx I cannot imagine how they could leave anyone homeless in that situation, have you tried thetion army? They are very compassionate.

       I that should have read salvation army.

       I know you will never give up on your son, we never do ....I feel so much for you, your son and of course the rest of your family.  I would like to keep in touch with you and you will be in my thoughts and prayers xxx

      God bless all of you , look after yourself and always be kind to yourself.x

      Deirdre x

    • hope4cure
      hope4cure deirdre._03652

      Posted

      He is an adult not a thing that can be done until he cries out for help.

      thanks for UR support and concern. Stay strong.

      thanks for the prayers they really to work. Never underestimate the power of prayer. 

      HOPE

       

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