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Partial success story, hope for people with severe depression, breakdown recovery

Posted , 3 users are following.

katie04237
katie04237

I don't feel there's enough success stories on here so wanted to start a thread to give others hope that things can and do get better.

in May last year, so 14 months ago, I had a severe breakdown, was hospitalised for 12 days with psychosis. I recovered quite quickly initially from that but then was hit by the most severe depression. I believe it was some kind of aftershock effect from the psychosis. 

At at my worst, in September and October last year I was in a pit of despair, depression was so severe I could hardly get out of bed, couldn't unload the dishwasher or pair up my children's socks. Completely non functioning. I had anxiety too, and a horrible feeling of dread that would hit me 5 minutes after waking. I really cant  put into words just how poorly I was. Was put on Mirtazapine ANti depressant which I believe did nothing for me.

Slowly, slowly I have got better myself. Month by month there has been tiny improvements. By March there was a sudden big improvement. Less and less bad days, energy levels returning, good spells of up to 14 days at a time where I felt ok. Excite to and enthusiasm for life coming back in waves.  April was better, May was better still, June has seen my good spells stretch to 19 or 20 days at a time. I haven't had a really bad day since the 1st may, nearly 2 and a half months ago. 2 months ago I felt strong enough to start cutting back on mirtazapine and. After a taper I have now been 15 days without it, and without any major withdrawl. 

I am still not really well. I still feel foggy, low on energy, flat some days but am 90% better than I was. Sometimes when kids are at school I still just sit and stare into space. But I think that is part of the recovery process. It's no longer a crisis, I can cope and I can function. I have no anxiety, I feel calm, stable and capable of looking after my two young children. I have hope that things will continue to improve, albeit slowly and no doubt with a few minor setbacks maybe. 

My message to those in the pit of despair right now. PLEASE DONT GIVE UP.  DONT LOSE HOPE keep going, you never know when things will improve, it really could be today or tomorrow. Time is a great healer. Don't get disheartened by setbacks. The road out of this has not been straight up, it's been bumpy, two steps forward, one step back. But looking back now I can see how I WAS getting better all along.

keep a diary and only write in the positive stuff, on a good day write pages and pages, on a bad day write next to nothing. That has really helped me. 

I really hope this helps someone, even if it helps one person it has been worth writing. Hopefully more people will write their success stories

 

3 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • katie04237
    katie04237

    Posted

    I should add, that when I was at my worst, I never ever thought I would get better, I thought this was it for life. In fact I only started to truly believe I would get better around 4 months ago. cos that is the nature of the illness, you don't believe you will get better. BUt did and you will too! 

    • kirsty12709
      kirsty12709 katie04237

      Posted

      I never thought I'd ever leave my house again, it got that bad. But I did, and I still do!

  • a42352
    a42352 katie04237

    Posted

    Thanks for sharing Katie.  My experience since the begining of this year has been very similar.  

    I've been dealing with depression for many years but in January of this year plunged into a deep pit.   I had had too many serious medical issues without time to recover properly and could no longer cope.  I was scared because suddenly I could not form word/sentences when talking with someone.  From that day to this I have followed a similar path to you.  I'm getting there, working with medications that help but recognizing that, although I'm much, much better, I'm not back to where I want to be.  As you said, it takes time, even though I want to be better NOW.

    • katie04237
      katie04237 a42352

      Posted

      I also couldnt speak properly while I was in hospital, the words just wouldn't come out for a few days. Yep I'm really impatient at times now and just want to be better now. But feel much better now I fully realise I am probably through the worst of it 

  • kirsty12709
    kirsty12709 katie04237

    Posted

    I hit rock bottom just like you, used all my energy looking after my kids so I spent no time on me. I was a mess! I'm getting better, day by day, it's taken it's time as I've suffered from mental health from an early age. I have very good days and then low days, but I wonder if everyone does?

    I too stare out when the kids go to school and nursery, I'm hoping this is something that will pass.

    As you know I'm now down to 3.75 mg of mirtazipine. Yesterday wasn't a good day, but today has been better!

    Always enjoy hearing your positive words. Here's to getting our lives back folks!

    Kirsty x

    • katie04237
      katie04237 kirsty12709

      Posted

      Exactly what i did, we sound like we been through very similar things. Gradually got worn down looking after my kids during their baby and toddler years and broke down after they had started school. I don't know why exactly, but was very worried about one of them developmentally, still am. Think it was worry and stress that brought it on. 

      I also have good days and bad but they have come more In blocks, so currently it's as much as 20 good ish days In a row and then maybe 6 bad days but it does seem to be petering out. But then I have flat days within the good spells too.

      would love to keep in touch with you kirsty through here. I have vowed to keep posting updates cos you never know who is reading these threads even years later xx

    • kirsty12709
      kirsty12709 katie04237

      Posted

      Yes, definitely stay in touch, your posts on tapering and recovery have been so helpful for me, I check for them all the time. Sad but true!

      I think I broke down when I realised it's all on me, I'm a single mum and one day all the responsibility hit me, that and I have health anxiety and I was poorly and BOOM!!! I was done! Just a wreck, a complete wreck.

      But it's all getting better day by day, baby steps. I've been with my boyfriend sometime now and he's met the kids and they adore him. I struggled so much with the long distance relationship at first, but now, in my heart I know we'll make it work!!

      And like you, some days are good and some are hard, really hard, but I'm trying not to dwell on those!

      Kirsty xx

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