Partner

Lee,

There is something called the Alcohol Deprivation Effect.  Basically, when someone deprives themselves of alcohol, cravings build and build until the (almost) inevitable relapse.  This is why so many with alcohol dependency issues keep 'falling off the wagon'.  Once they do relapse, the chemical reaction in their brain is so exaggerated that it is super strong, which then explains why relapses get harder and sometimes shorter each time.  Alcohol dependency is a physiological condition, not a moral weakness in someone who is weak-willed.  It can be treatment with a medical treatment.  Going back to meetings will only reinforce in his mind that he is weak-willed and a failure.... no-one would want to attend knowing how they will feel.  He should understand that despite being practically brainwashed into the concept that he is powerless, he is actually suffering from a medical condition in the same way that someone who has depression is also suffering from a medical condition.

If staying abstinent isn't working for your ex, then it's maybe time to look at an alternative..... a medical treatment that means taking a safe, non-addictive, tablet one hour before each drinking session that prevents that chemical reaction happening.  Your partner will still be able to relax and feel the effects of the drink, but without that chemical reaction in his brain constantly being reinforced, the association that alcohol provides a chemical reward weakens each time until the brain no longer requires alcohol and cravings are extinguished.

You can read more about this approved medical treatment here https://patient.info/forums/discuss/useful-resources-487627 by scrolling down to where it mentions The Sinclair Method.

After a 20 year alcohol problem, with a relapse/abstinence cycle lasting well over 10 years of that, this is the treatment that worked for me.

Hi Lee

My story is very similar to yours. Husband was ill like this for years. Then we found joanna at c3europe and with her help, my Husband started following The Sinclair Method (follow the link joanna has sent you) He hasn't looked back since, our life is very different now

Good luck

Kind Regards

JulieAnne x

Good replies from JoannaC3 and Julie Anne. They have more experience than me for certain. It was different from me since I did not take medication. Campral seems popular with users here and also the Sinclair Method. Best of luck Robin

The first thing to realize is that forced sobriety never works. If this is the case you'll never get anyone sober. Assuming your friend wants to stay sober gives us something to work with. I'm a career alcoholic with a history of relapse and no meaningful sobriety. What I see as the problem with staying on track is sobriety being forced on me. I have had great life successes during periods of sobriety that I hang on to as the reinforcement that sober living is better. The biggest drivers behind my relapse is being around people that seem to make life chaos, the sense of being forced into sobriety, and the feeling I'm missing out on "enjoying life". Then when I do ultimately relapse the whole cycle of guilt and powerlessness starts where getting back on the right track is so difficult. I think lasting sobriety would come if I actually felt like it was WHOLLY my decision and my life was actually my own instead of having to satisfy anyone else sith my sobriety.