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Hi, my ex stopped drinking after 10 days . Then over a week ago today is dronking more than ever. He was sick for a morning or so but by lunch time he'd got more cans. I have tried hiding money but he will go out in bad ways as in canjust about walk. Won't speak with his aa friends or go to his groups. Mainly asleep or at times watching movie's on laptop. The longest he stopps for is 2 months and then picks up.

Any advice on how to deal with it? Taperinsg not work as needs more alcohol .

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9 Replies

  • Posted


    There is something called the Alcohol Deprivation Effect.  Basically, when someone deprives themselves of alcohol, cravings build and build until the (almost) inevitable relapse.  This is why so many with alcohol dependency issues keep 'falling off the wagon'.  Once they do relapse, the chemical reaction in their brain is so exaggerated that it is super strong, which then explains why relapses get harder and sometimes shorter each time.  Alcohol dependency is a physiological condition, not a moral weakness in someone who is weak-willed.  It can be treatment with a medical treatment.  Going back to meetings will only reinforce in his mind that he is weak-willed and a failure.... no-one would want to attend knowing how they will feel.  He should understand that despite being practically brainwashed into the concept that he is powerless, he is actually suffering from a medical condition in the same way that someone who has depression is also suffering from a medical condition.

    If staying abstinent isn't working for your ex, then it's maybe time to look at an alternative..... a medical treatment that means taking a safe, non-addictive, tablet one hour before each drinking session that prevents that chemical reaction happening.  Your partner will still be able to relax and feel the effects of the drink, but without that chemical reaction in his brain constantly being reinforced, the association that alcohol provides a chemical reward weakens each time until the brain no longer requires alcohol and cravings are extinguished.

    You can read more about this approved medical treatment here by scrolling down to where it mentions The Sinclair Method.

    After a 20 year alcohol problem, with a relapse/abstinence cycle lasting well over 10 years of that, this is the treatment that worked for me.

    • Posted

      Hi Joanna, Thanks for replying. I should add he also went to rehab for 6 months and in that time when he was about to leave few days he had to wait ended up drinking of course the centre had to let him go. I always thought there must be another explanation I read up about dipsomania like you say craving or as sometimes he says it was a decision he made earlier. 

      I think the longest time in the past he has stopped drinking was months maybe abit longer than every thing will be o.k and relapse will start but won't stop for days/ weeks at a time.

      This is the best information I have had so far Thank you.

  • Posted

    Hi Lee

    My story is very similar to yours. Husband was ill like this for years. Then we found joanna at c3europe and with her help, my Husband started following The Sinclair Method (follow the link joanna has sent you) He hasn't looked back since, our life is very different now

    Good luck

    Kind Regards

    JulieAnne x

    • Posted

      Hi JulieAnne, I'm glad your Husband is well and there is a future for him even though not together and I'm going to look further into this as even his family don't know what to do as they have there own stories to drinking but are kind of normal. Thank you

      Best wishes

      Lea x

  • Posted

    Good replies from JoannaC3 and Julie Anne. They have more experience than me for certain. It was different from me since I did not take medication. Campral seems popular with users here and also the Sinclair Method. Best of luck Robin
    • Posted

      Campral he has tried and antabuse which was not a good idea but hopefully Joanna's method is worth a try. Thanks


  • Posted

    The first thing to realize is that forced sobriety never works. If this is the case you'll never get anyone sober. Assuming your friend wants to stay sober gives us something to work with. I'm a career alcoholic with a history of relapse and no meaningful sobriety. What I see as the problem with staying on track is sobriety being forced on me. I have had great life successes during periods of sobriety that I hang on to as the reinforcement that sober living is better. The biggest drivers behind my relapse is being around people that seem to make life chaos, the sense of being forced into sobriety, and the feeling I'm missing out on "enjoying life". Then when I do ultimately relapse the whole cycle of guilt and powerlessness starts where getting back on the right track is so difficult. I think lasting sobriety would come if I actually felt like it was WHOLLY my decision and my life was actually my own instead of having to satisfy anyone else sith my sobriety.

    • Posted

      Excellent replyBernard. Am I to understand that you are now sober? I agree that someone has to decide for themselves. THe only way out. YES!! Well done if so. Robin
    • Posted

      Hi Bernard, He was my partner of 15 years and (Ex) as he met a Lady through A.A .  Over the years I have learnt not force anything as it only gets worse. Since Sunday he has come out of his relapse by himself I guess is always wanting to stay sober and meaning to stay sober is different.  I guess like Joanna said a build up and depriving himself for a time without drink. 

      What if it's not the people around him and just seem's to relapse out of nowhere?

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