Partner has depression don't know what to do

Posted , 3 users are following.

I had suspected that my girlfriend was suffering from depression for quite a while but everytime I brought the subject up she changed the conversation.

However a week after christmas 2 days after her 30th birthday she told me she was unhappy and wanted to break up with me when only 2 days previous she was telling me how muched she loved me. 4 days on from this she conceded that she also thought she was suffering from deppression but still wanted to be on a break as she was not sure she wanted to be with me. she has started the counsiling process but I just dont know what to do I feel in limbo all the time and she is going out drinking with her firiends. I am trying to be patient and supportive but the whole situation is making me misserable and I cant always put a brave face on things. one minuite she talks as if we will be getting back together by talking about future plans then its the complete opposite. The counciling process has identified that her deppression may have been caused by the fact that when our 14month old daughter was born she was in critical condition in intensive care for a while, although she is ok now. I just do not know what to do or how to handle this as I love her very much but it feels like that she would rather talk or be with her friends or anyone else other than me and its killing me. She lives part time with me but escapes at any point she can.

if anyone can offer advise I would apreciate it greatly.

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Rob,

    Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. This must be very confusing for you but your girlfriend is probably feeling even more confused. I've had times where my thoughts are so all over the place that I'm not sure what is a real feeling and what is just anxiety talking and I suspect this is how your girlfriend is feeling about your relationship. I'm sure she still cares about you a huge amount, wondering whether you are right together is probably tearing her apart, making the anxiety worse - this cycle can then make it even more difficult to be around you. She may feel guilty and anxious whenever she is not being the perfect loving girlfriend around you and worry about things falling apart.

    It's good she's seeing someone about this and hopefully will be able to think clearer soon. I can't guarantee that she will come running back to you but I think it's worth hanging in there and seeing this through to her being better. Let her know she still has your love and support, maybe small gestures to remind her of happier times would help but nothing too overwhelming. Hope things work out for you x

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  • Posted

    Rob your partner is doing the push me pull me routine of Depression, they don't know what they want from one minute from the next, we are left shocked by the sudden change in their behaviour.  It can be a massive strain as well as very wearing on yourself, you need to make sure you stay well to support her, Depression is contagious and many in your position can end up with it too.  Look up the books by Anne Sheffield and the Fallout Forum website all will be explained.  My husband was asked to leave 17 months on he remains untreated, he used to come back to the home and is now no longer in contact with any of us kids included, it is a form of abuse.  He is now with an alcoholic and drinking so I have had to start a Divorce, although in one of his rational moments he said he wanted the split to be amicable it has been anything but and I am having to protect myself and kids from someone who is not compos mentis.  Good luck and take care of yourself.
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  • Posted

    thank you both for your insight. To be honest all I want is for her to get better and be happy but at the same time I feel so guilty about being selfish and not understanding either.
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    • Posted

      Don't worry about being selfish, you need to look after yourself in order to be of the most use to her anyway, like on a plane when you're always told to sort your own oxygen mask before helping others (apologies to anyone who saw me use that analogy on another post - I like it)

      By coming on here you're already showing a lot of care and understanding, try reading up on how people with depression feel and advice on how to help people close to you are suffering. The only way you would truly understand is to go through it so ultimately be glad you don't quite get it, at least you're well smile

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  • Posted

    You're welcome. 

    It is very difficult to understand I have been on both sides of the fence and have had both anxiety and agoraphobia, I had to reach rock bottom before I sorted myself, others can't fix the problem we have to do it for ourselves and find the motivation to do it.  Michelle is right you have to look after yourself first x

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  • Posted

    I've got to say I was in two minds  to post my problem but I am glad I did as hearing from people who have been ther does help. I will just continue to support her the best way I can and hope for the best but concentrate on her being happy again, because if shes happy I am happy.
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  • Posted

    I think my problem is I am a natural worrier and I hate feeling helpless but I am beginning to understand that she is the only one who can sort her head out and I just need to continue supporting her and be patient.
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