Partner is depressed doesnt know if he loves me
Posted , 4 users are following.
i have been with my partner for 20 yrs. 3 kids together. he left in jan saying he felt numb about everything. also saying i was not being affectionate enough etc. initially he was angry all the time at me and kids as we were asking him questions. since then he has improved a bit as we no longer ask him anything about why he has left etc. he has called over most days to see kids but is distant &cold with me. gives me hug and kiss sometimes when leaving. he says he doesnt know if he loves me but is afraid to let me go incase he realises he does in a few months. he started meds 3 wks ago and is going to cbt. he has told me he does not want to discuss our relationship because there is nothing new and he also does not want to give me hope. he says he feels anxious when in family home. before he left he had got into alot of debt behind my back and said he knew that when i found out we would be over as this is not the first time. looking back i notice some changes in his behaviour less affectionate. not doing stuff with us or kids. not eating etc. . i am so confused if he was falling out of love with me or was it depression coming on. i am angry that he will not speak to me and i feel like i am walking on egg shells around him. he says if we r meant to be together we will but he is a different person and i feel i cant be myself around him so its very difficult. it has been really tough and i initially thought everything will work out but now i am losing hope and trying to focus on me and the kids. i know no one can tell me if he loves me or not and he needs time to work on himself. i am starting to feel different towards him now after months of trying to keep us together but i feel we are loosing our connection with one another. he doesnt want us to do thing alone together so i feel he doesnt want to try make things work. any advice welcome
0 likes, 5 replies
leanne96735 karen68963
Posted
your story is very similar to mine but I'm the one who became depressed and I couldn't be around my family due to anxiety, I had panic attacks thinking I was going to hurt the kids. I also felt very numb and after 6 months of feeling that way and feeling very depressed I ended my relationship thinking I no longer loved my partner as we had become very distant due to my depression and anxiety. I to left my family home and went to stay at my mum's because I couldn't cope with the hecticness of family life... fast forward a year and now I'm stable on medication and I realised I was still madly in love with my ex but it was to late because whilst I was busy fixing myself they met someone new and moved on. I still love him very much but depression came between us and ripped us apart. I'm sorry your going through what you are but I assure you your partner is probably struggling with what feeling are real and what's the depression. and I hate to say it but If you think he's not the man he used to be he probably won't ever be that man again because u don't go through something like depression and come out the same person you was before it. it changes you!! I hope everything works out for you and I'm sorry my reply is long winded but I just wanted to share my experience with you x
karen68963 leanne96735
Posted
thanks for the reply leanne and i am glad to hear you are feeling better and stable now. i can see him functioning so well in other areas of his life. very focused on work. going ti the gym and has taken up cycling. his family dont seem to think he is as bad as i do and i am unsure if thats because when he comes into our family home it triggers some uncomfortable feelings in him or maybe its just me he doesnt like. its all so confusing for me and i am sure for him too.
viki49211 karen68963
Posted
Hi Karen, I'm going through the exact same thing with my fiance. How did it turn out in the end for you?
karen68963 viki49211
Posted
hi viki
I dont have good news unfortunately. I actually found out a year later that he was actually having an affair with a woman in work 10 yrs younger than him. he disappeared completely out of the childrens lives for 5 months but came back in may as they had broke up. despite being diagnosed with depression it wasnt that all along he was stressed I suppose as he was leaving his home children and a 20 plus year relationship. it will be 2 yrs in jan since he left I am still alone while he has had several relationships. it's scary now to look back and see how he deceived me and made me feel so sorry for him and stand by him for so long while he was deciding of he was doing the right thing leaving. mind yourself
joshuapryce1987 karen68963
Posted
Your partner loves you, if he didnt love you you guys wouldnt be together. Depression causes people to think they are not loved. This is not true, work out things with him with kisses and hugs and intimacy. Depression is a negative mental state, it can be overcome with reassurance of positiveness and communicative love towards your partner.