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Partner of an alcoholic

Posted , 7 users are following.

sandy_so_sad
sandy_so_sad

Hi all.

I've took my partner back after him leaving for 2 months. He said he missed me and the family. I thought he change, but he hasn't

He left a drunk and depressed and come back as a depressed alcoholic.

Does this man love me or is he a liar

I love him so much.

How can I help him. He focuses to see his GP.

Please help

Or should I give up on him?

0 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 sandy_so_sad

    Posted

    Hi Sandy:

    I wish you had posted before you took him back..I'm not saying you should give up on him..but you should ask him to go back where he came from and to stay there until he has at least a year sober....

    You can still see him on occassion but I would avoid him when he is drinking. I'm sure it is going to be much harder to ask him to leave a 2nd time..but you really have to think about yourself and your well being and he is not going to get better just out of love for you and your family..

    He needs to want to get sober for himself and his health...and now he is just dragging you down...making you doubt yourself...etc...You need to let him go find himself..and you need to refocus back on to yourself.

    You are not going to be anything but dissapointed if you keep him around.  I'm not saying he is a bad person..he has a bad PROBLEM.  I am an alcoholic too and i know it is not healthy for me to be around others and drag others down when I am drinking.

     

    • sandy_so_sad
      sandy_so_sad Misssy2

      Posted

      Thanks Miss you

      Trust me when I say I wish I posted here first.

      All that comes out of his mouth is I don't know I don't know.

      He'll I don't know neither, but what yr saying is true.

      I'm a fool to myself now I hate myself because my daughter is gonna be so disappointed too.

    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 Misssy2

      Posted

      Flipping heck Misssy - you do not mince words - how brutally honest but I know it comes from the heart - I hate the thought of leaving someone who has this god dam awful affliction and not sure if I could do it - I would just want to help - but as it is me who has it - jeez if my hubs left - that would be the end for me personally - he knows how bad I have got in the past, but for some reason I just keep rocking on as they say. 

      sandy - Misssy tells it like it is - she has the t-shirt - god bless her, all of us guys in this situ should have  a Misssy in their lives.

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 gwen45436

      Posted

      yea..but gwen...Misssy should have "Missy in HER life".

      I only know how to help others because I know what I SHOULD do and don't do.

      However, I am in the process of kicking my boyfriend out who uses drugs...and mistreats me...I started the evicition process on March 30.

      You only live once there are no second chances.

      And God Forbid..I may drink and spiral again..but it won't be due to the STRESS HE BRINGS to my life.

    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 Misssy2

      Posted

      Glad to hear your having the strength to evict - it can't be easy hun.

       

  • ainecora
    ainecora sandy_so_sad

    Posted

    I'm also with an alcoholic, and by god dame its hard. Million times I wanted to walk away, him to leave but to have the strength to do that is so so hard. 2weeks ago things just came ahead things were so so crap and we talked we agreed to go to doctors and he was given Librium to detox and then silincro tab and he hasn't touched a drink in nearly 2weeks. U need to talk to him if he is not willing to get help u should consider asking him to go again. U say he was gone for 2months I bet u were more at ease with him gone, just remember how u felt. Have a good chap but be firm and go from there. Even if u have to up and leave for a few days do. Gudluck x

  • andy89516
    andy89516 sandy_so_sad

    Posted

    Give him up..I keep telling my partners i stop..30 years later still doing it and wores .do it now b4 it's too late.and you wasted all them years

    • sandy_so_sad
      sandy_so_sad andy89516

      Posted

      Hi Andy I told him to get out early hours this morning . I feel like a failure I so much wanted to help him. I will love this man until I die
  • PaulJTurner1964
    PaulJTurner1964 sandy_so_sad

    Posted

    He is ill and punishment won't work. He has a medical disorder that means that his body reacts differently to alcohol than most other people's. While this is horrible for you to live with, it isn't his fault. The idea of letting people 'reach 'rock bottom' before they have any chance of resolving their issue is cruel and doesn't work. We wouldn't say to people with cancer that we will wait until they are as bad as they can get before trying to help them. This idea of letting people reach rock bottom is one that is talked about by those offering ineffective, non-science-based treatments that haven't changed since about the 1930s.

    There IS a medical treatment which works of the source of the problem, Sandy. You will find lots of information all over the internet if you search 'the sinclair method' but there is a page on this site which I can link to directly and which is well worth reading:

    https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

    Please try not to blame him, he is going through hell. I know it's awful for you too and you clearly love him and want to help him. I'm sending you a private message too.

    You need to have a look at what is actually causing this issue. It isn't a lifestyle choice that he has made. It is likely that he has others in his family with the same disorder because it is hereditary.

    • RHGB
      RHGB PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      Paul is a medical professional. I am someone who is on the other side of the fence, even ending up having a long stay in hospital through alcohol and I've been down the medication route. So we both have a vast experience, although very diffferent.

      I cannot endorse his post enough. Please follow his advice.

    • sandy_so_sad
      sandy_so_sad PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      Hi Paul I love this man with all my heart. He left me I took home back. He showed no love or no affection

      I tried to support him

      I offered to go to the GP with him . He refused because he drives.

      He has to be committed to getting help

      I can'tare him but I'm always here for him and I will support him but it's his choice

    • RHGB
      RHGB sandy_so_sad

      Posted

      His GP is unlikely to help him. Despite, spending nearly two months in hospital with liver failure and a brain haemorrhage, when I slipped up and started drinking again, they (GPs) would not help me. But instead, told me to go to an ARC, that were completely useless.

      And yes, if he speaks to his GP about it, it will be put on his record. It didn't matter for me, because it was already on my records.

      You need to read Paul's solution.

    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 sandy_so_sad

      Posted

      Sandy, have a look at the private messages I sent you. Unfortunately the traditional ways of treating this disorder are overwhelming for people and this leads to a fear in people to deal with their problem. It doesn't have to be like that.

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