Partners Drinking bringing me to breaking point

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Been with my current partner 4 years . bad divorce and stressful ex husband but for her the whole crutch in her life up to now is Two bottles of wine a night every night without fail and if run out then its a coffee with baileys . has around 130 units per week and always has a bottle to come to bed with . totally impossible with anger issues ( breaks doors down when I don't give her car keys ) . very attractive but the hassle this is causing is unreal . I'm a truck driver and she sits in bed till early hours smoking and drinking with usually a TV on and come 1.30am I'm being woken then usually kept awake as she argues before I retire to the guest room . This current state has been going on for 3 years of our relationship and worse still is she got so drunk in front of my children they are now banned by my ex for overnights . she won't see a doctor and if her own daughter goes to school she usually goes back to bed to recover . I'm writing this in guest room and ultimately just want out of this situation . gave up my own house to move in and regret being trapped paying all my wage to keep my partner in wine and cigs .

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Angle, let me try and change your perception of this whole situation as it may help. Alcohol dependence is a physical illness that affects some people who drink. They don't start off drinking anymore than other people but, because, they are built slightly differently, they get a greater reward from drinking than the vast majority of people.

    For many years, alcohol dependence has been treated as a behaviour problem, it has been considered that people inflict this problem on themselves. That is incorrect and it is only now that treatment is available to treat the physical illness.

    See if you can get your partner talking when she is sober and suggest that she has a think about what this problem is doing to her. If you can find a way to discuss this with her as an illness which is not her fault, but one which she wasn't responsible for when it first started, you may find she listens a little more to what you are saying.

    If she does accept that her problem is out of control, then she will probably agree to talk to somebody about it. I can explain more about the treatment options if you can get her to accept there is a problem.

    Good luck!!

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  • Posted

    wow!!! this is a really awful situation to be in, for you and for your kids.

    What you gave up , to be with her.

    Attractive or not, my suggestion is to leave , clearly!!

    and fast.....give her an ultimatum, because YOU sir, DESERVE better than THIS!

    She knows what she is doing, she isnt stupid...and seems like she has no remorse for what she is putting you through, if she did, then she would stop....or atleast begin to change her ways.

    This is just my opinion...no human being should go through that kind of abuse...thats for you.....now for her, she definately is drinking herself blind...

    She clearly does not want to deal with her issues because she is getting drunk every day...Ive been there, and its masking her own thoughts, and being the angry drunk that she is, she may not even care at all. She may be trying to push you away.

    Good for your ex for keeping the kids away.

    Sorry you are going through this, Im sure it hurts.

    You deserve better,

    that is all

     

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  • Posted

    HI Angle. 130 units per week is news to me and really and truly shocking. vixxxen222 said it all!! Ultimatum or ger out since you are hard working, honest AND YOU DESERVE BETTER!! Truly bad situation and she MUST stop now or you leave I think since this is beyond anything any human should endure,
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  • Posted

    The initial getting out is hard as I know I gave up a great deal to be where I am . My partner argues back when I totally refuse to accept her drinking is OK she always says when I'm home she cooks a meal she has clothes washed and the house is clean too but I can't get her to see irrespective of all that her health is going to suffer big time . I've lost count the times I've seen the evening go from OK to just bitchy snide comments and eventually if in bed she puts both feet on my back and pushes me out of the bed . I have thrown wine bottles out of our always open bedroom window onto the lawn but she usually gets up and goes to her secret stash in her car boot . Life is so much better in the guest room as 24/7 365 days I endure a open window and oscillating fan on in our bedroom . You'd think after going to court with her ex husband after he tried to take his daughter from the situation as he saw the drinking with his daughter she'd change but no it carried on because he liked to drink which showed up in a blood test submitted to the court and my partner had a hair strand test that wasn't conclusive after she bleached her hair .

    If I go to the spare room my partner spends an hour wandering in and out turning lights on and off , I've taped her drunken rants but nothing makes a difference .

    If you met her during the day you'd say wow lovely woman but truly after drinking her first bottle it all changes and by the end of her second its easier to be in a room of tigers . Eventually I'll leave but then I'll worry what will happen next to her .

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  • Posted

    Hi Angel, you never mention how the two of you met in the first place. I assume there must have been something else apart from the physical attractiveness at first. I agree with both Vix and Robin that you shouldn't be putting up with what you are going through. i would however say that if you have the opportunity of speaking with her sober and you give her an ultimatum, then you should remind her why the two of you got into the relationship in the first place. 

    I'd aslo think about the advice from Paul and I'm sure he could give you lots more on the pro's and cons of various medication that could assist your partner if she will admit there is an issue.

    If you can i'd get her to read the various stories from real people on here. She would really see the long term effects and truely tragic consequences of this horrific illness. I've only been dry since last week and the help i've had on here has been unbelievable, but the reading of the heartache others have went through has opened my eyes to what the future has in store for me if i dont stop drinking.

    all the very best!!

     

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    • Posted

      Wo Jimmy!! Good advice from somebody on the right track. You are right in suggesting that Angle's partner should read these heart braking stories online. They are from true and well meaning people who have attempted suicide several times and/or been committed to hopsitals etc AND they surviced or barely survived but still trying, Keep goi
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  • Posted

    Sounds awful

    I know from myself, my kids family tried to tell me to stop drinking .... didnt work until I saw it myself. No matter what anyone say's until she decides to stop its going to be a rough ride.

    All you can do is point it out to her, and have others do the same in hopes she will see it. If not she just might have to hit her bottom ( every ones bottom is different) then you will have to decide your next step

    Good luck to you, stay strong.

    Sue

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  • Posted

    two choices-get outta there, or put the gun to her head and tell her the booze goes or you go- it really depends what you want-do you want to be wth her sober or at all- having said that the chances of her staying sober if she is only doing it for you and not for herself-is slim- this threat may be the wake up call she needs-how dirty do you want to get- if she gets nasty threathen her with social services-if she is drinking that much they may deem her unfit to mind her kid, with you gone- do you want the hassle-is your relationship worth saving? you need to weigh up the odds- one thing for sure-- unless she gets help her drinking will get worse- fact is alcoholism is a progresive disease-she will drink more to get the same effect as she becomes more tolerant- i wish you the best of luck- bad situation for you-
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  • Posted

    Hello Angle, I was in the same boat as yourself for ages, until one night last year, my partner came at me with a knife, then ran off. Have not seen her for months, apart from in court, and have no way of getting in touch, to find out what happened and try to help her. we were together for 22 years, both liked a drink, but she suddenly went scary. the worst thing is not knowing how she is, Even after all this time, I still miss her and love her, but the cruelest cut of all is not knowing how to get in touch. hope you resolve things better than I seem to be doing, best wishes.
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  • Posted

    angle ..... im sorry about your situation it sounds completly awful..your partner is defo out of control. i really dont think you giving her an ultimatum will make her stop this i think it would make her worse, only because ive been there mind you not quite as bad but i have my moments....... and i just dig my heels in when ive drank too much... when shes sober i think you will be able to get through but she needs to realise how bad shes got?? not sure what its going to take if you have recorded her ... shes defo in denial that she has a problem ..... good luck vik xx

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  • Posted

    Angledangle, wow a really hard situation.  I think if she is not prepared to help herself and even threats dont make her flinch, then you may need to get out until she changes.  I am the woman in the situation but nothing like your partner.  My hubby lays down the law about my drinking (by the way i never ever get angry or bitchy or anything, just fall asleep after a load of vodka pretty much every night between 8 and 12 o clock). My hubby hates it, but drinks with me at the weekend and says we should only drink at the weekend, which I find hard to do and says if I keep drinking he will make a BIG change.  However, your partner has a child and she often skips school, am I right?  I would quit today if i was given an ultimatum with my kids, oh god yes! would yours?

     

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