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I am new to anxiety... at least I think. I started a new career in a different field in Aug. And moved into a new house in Oct. (both positive changes). I had my first panic attack in the 1st week of Nov. I was an avid news reader, and earlier that day I read an article about a mom hurting her children. That night, I was finishing moving my kids into their new bedroom and I thought about that article, basically how could someone hurt their kids, could i ever do that, (of course not) etc. Anxiety hit me like a bus! I couldn't understand why I thought about it again. I thought I was a terrible person, felt guilty that I'd even thought about it. I just couldn't let it go, and it just snowballed out of control. I'm the kind of mom who secretly cries after having spanked my kids because I hate hurting them, I mean I cry when they have to get shots at the doctor! I could not understand what was happening! I was so anxious my hands were shaking, heart racing, crying, sweating, upset tummy, no appetite, I could not function. I was terrified of myself, and started being terrified of normal household objects like scissors. Over the next several weeks the intrusive thoughts started to go away once I read and researched that anxiety plays on your worst fears and makes your brain Play tricks on you and I stopped avoiding what was scaring me. For a few weeks I had no anxiety symptoms at all. Lately, I'm finding myself checking in with how I feel, and making myself think something bad to test my reaction. Is this just part of the heeling process?
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