pathological lier, depression,anxiety,panick disorder

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I really need help I am just about to lose my own mind. I need to keep it as short but detailed as I can. I need advice on my partner. When we met 3 year ago he told me he had depression ( I also did at the time). we connected really well and everything was absolutely brilliant for around a year. I was previously in a physically abusive relationship as a child from 13-16 where my abuser was drunk all the time. I am now scared by the smell of alcohol and being around people who have been drinking . I eventually opened up to my partner and told him everything after a year . We decided to move out of the small flat we lived in and moved into a house around the corner with the intention of starting a family. Just before we moved I found out he had been addicted to tramadol taking up to 17 tablets a day! after endless battles and arguments I managed to help him off them and I thought everything was good. And so we moved into the house. after around 3 month I started to notice a difference with him. he would go out late at night and return drunk, lie , angry to the point I would be shaking(he never actually hurt me). a month later I found out I was pregnant I thought that was it everything would settle down. I was completely wrong. He got worse , i had quite a bad pregnancy as I have fibromyalgia and struggle with my joints so the excess weight was killing me slowly. he would be staying out all night turning off his phone when he had only said he was popping to shops. He would drink alcohol everywhere we went. anyway 6 month pregnant he started selling all his belongings worth value that I had bought for him and said he was saving money for a "surprise" for me. there was nearly £1000 worth of goods he had sold and apparently had the money there. I actually found out he was addicted to cocaine . before I knew this he would have me driving everywhere for him at 11pm at night 6-7 month pregnant because he needed to go and collect a game for the xbox. which was another lie he was collecting cocaine . so I eventually thought he had stopped doing it at 8 month pregnant everything seemed fine. he wouldnt go out and stayed in the house with me. my son was born but when he was 9 weeks old my partner overdosed and had a huge 6 hour panick attack in our back garden and I had to ring an ambulance . I found out later that day he had overdosed on amphetamine and social services were involved. so my son is now 8 month old and my partner still lies about absolutely everything he can lie about . pointless or not . he still had a few cans a week even though I've told him it makes me uncomfortable. he has an appointment with psychologist next month and says it's all because hes depressed but I really dont know if it is. I dont know if hes using that as an excuse to justify the way he treats me. when I told him I was leaving him he said he was suicidal and basically forced me into staying with him. I really dont know if he is a pathological lier or if he just lies because he gets anyway with it anyway.

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  • Posted

    Really sad for you because their is no way round it, if he cannot stop for you and his baby then theirs not much more you can do for him, your actually his provider at the moment and although you say you hate him doing what he is doing you still take him to collect the actual stuff that's killed your relationship, what would scare me most is that if things don't improve then you could lose your child, you and baby have to come first and know it what be easy but you have to make him realise you want put up with it.

    Have you family you can turn too

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    • Posted

      I have family I can turn to but I know deep down he has to go. but everytime I tell him that I get the story of how he will commit suicide. i dont know whether he is being genuine or saying it to scare me into staying with him. either way I'm absolutely fed up and just dont want to be around him anymore. hes mums dead and his family dont bother with him and would never help him. his dad is a rich selfish person who says he isnt his problem. hes sisters addicted to amphetamine and his cousin sells cocaine. I only wish I knew all this before I actually went out with him! he also moved towns 50 mile away from anyone he knows as I wanted to give my son a better life with better schools and the area we lived in was awful. so I guess I feel awful asking him to leave with no where to go ?

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    • Posted

      Hello holly47268

      We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you are concerned about someone who may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if this is the case then we would urge you to encourage them to seek urgent or emergency help, or do so on their behalf.

      If they are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend they speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where they can talk openly about what they are going through. They can help them to explore their options, understand their problems better, or just be there to listen.

      Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here:, which also offers lots of other advice on how to access the help they may need. If you are concerned that this person is about to act on their thoughts of self harm, or has already done so, please call 999 on their behalf.

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    • Posted

      Dear holly47268

      Further to our previous post, it is clear that you too need help. Domestic abuse and domestic violence can take many forms - it does not need to be physical.

      It can be extremely difficult to take the first step to seek help for domestic abuse, especially if you are feeling vulnerable yourself. We would urge to you speak to your GP (anything you say will be in complete confidence) and you can find out more with our leaflets:


      The Patient Team

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    • Posted

      This sounds harsh but I'm afraid you need to move on and by that you need to sadly end this relationship until he can realise your not going to condone his behavior any longer, sadly if he doesn't want to help himself then your not going to be able too help him and you CANNOT BE RESPONSIBLE if he ends his life because we all have to be responsible for ourselves when it comes down to it

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