Perimenopause breakup

Hi Ben, i joined to reply to you. My wife who had been struggling with perimenopause for a few years has just said the same to me. She loves me, I'm her best friend, last thing she wants is to hurt me but she must leave be alone to heal herself and discover who she now is before she can contemplate being in a relationship.

Its brutal and very hard to understand. We first met 35 years ago, barely an argument in that time. Even now all we do is laugh and get along but over the last three months she's been developing this compulsion to be alone. She says she doesn't understand it, just that the only time she has any mental

peace is when utterly alone. She doesn't even want to be around the kids.

Without me knowing she has bought a small house in an area she's always hated with our life savings as soon moves in.

I'm angry, confused, hurt and very worried about her.

She says this is nothing to do with me, that she loves me so much and I am her best friend and greatest strength and supporter in life. She just wants to go watch the sea every day and be alone.

This is so hard. My woman is struggling and the only thing that makes her feel better is being away from me. She's currently out most nights until she leaves. When here we just laugh and chat and enjoy each others company as usual, even in this hardest of times. She can manage a day or evening or two before needing to retreat again.

Shes apologised to the kids and told them she loves them and please don't take her absence personally.

As hard as I try I'll never really understand this. Being strong and not placing pressure or stress on her is near impossible. Every now and then I try to talk but it upsets her. Occasionally I become upset or angry and tell her this is out of order and she has family and pets here and to please stay and we try every way to get through this. She just apologises and says she cant help it, she doesn't even know who she is anymore.

Every day i try suck it up and keep the house going knowing she'll soon be gone. I'm struggling to stay sane at times. I don't eat or sleep. When she's here I try hide how much I hurt. I'm old and wise enough to know she wont be back. At least not for a long time.

This is not rational or reasonable. Its based on feelings she cant control. There's almost

a panic and desperation in her to leave.

It is the singular most painful thing I've experienced and i know she's hurting too. I still hope because I have a never quit attitude but I know she'll move on. I'm clinging to the thinnest of straws. She's changing, transforming, nature dictates shes going to shake off care and nuture and release us into the wild like a lioness leaving her cubs. This part of life is done.

I feel for you Ben. This is hard. All I can say is you must let her go. Any time you see her be kind and strong. It is very hard not to ask questions or be insecure. I try hard as i can but my wife still says she senses my sadness which she cant bear to witness and makes her feel awful and so goes away again.

It would be easier if i could hate her. There is nobody else for me. Some say understanding becomes its own disease but id we didn't try to understand we'd be lesser men.