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Perimenopause has shattered me

Posted , 9 users are following.

kdw12
kdw12

I have been suffering close to 5 yrs now. I will say that it has been a perfect storm. It started with my thyroid going haywire and led me to becoming hyperthyroid then to hypothyroid. but on top of that here comes declining hormones. then comes the depression and anxiety to the point of being close to suicidal and rage like a demon possessed me. I have taken ALOT of antidepressants and they just do not work. I have fought and fought, through changing my diet, walking daily, meditation, therapy etc. BUT here I am, my husband just lost it last night.....he looked in my eyes and said "who are you" "I don't even know who you are", he told me I broke him and although he didn't say the words he basically told me he does not love me anymore. I am BEYOND heartbroken and crushed. I have lost friends (have no friends now) my relationship with my grown daughter's is not what I wanted it to be, I know they walk on eggshells with me and that hurts so bad because I want to be a strong unbroken woman for them. My mother and family are sick of hearing me, so I just distanced myself. I have nothing and no one! and absolutely have no control over what is and has happened to my mind and body! I don't even recognize me! I have NEVER felt so lost and afraid. I literally have nothing, no job (husband has always provided financially, as I was caretaker to him and kids) no where to go, no one to really talk to!! This is the change????This is menopause????? You lose yourself and everyone you love???? Thank you for letting me open up and vent. Hopefully I am not alone, although I feel there will be very few if any that would be able to say they have nothing(financially) and no where to go because you all are smart, independent, financially stable women. if I would have known back then that I would end up being like this in menopause I would have set up my future different financially.

3 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • vivian72668
    vivian72668 kdw12

    Edited

    Hey Kdw..

    Your post is raw, unadulterated, and BRUTALLY honest; thank you, for being able to voice your thoughts on this forum! There are COUNTLESS other women out there like you, seen and unseen, heard and unheard! Having said that, you are helping many women open up about this hell on earth! There is soooo... MUCH shame, that comes with it, and there is NO NEED to be!!! Yes, this is what's called the change; yet, that is what we heard it was; and that was it! The whispers of the change were like a taboo topic, and everyone went along with the program, unfortunately! 😢😢 That being said, what you are going through is one of the stages of menopause; there are three stages of it, they are: pre-menopause, menopause, and post-menopause. Now, I will be brutally honest with you: ALL three stages have been absolutely HORRIFIC for me! Suffice it to say, the absolute WORST stage for me has been post-menopause; that's the stage I'm in today. That being said, I heard when a woman is FULL blown menopausal, (NO PERIOD FOR TWELVE CONSECUTIVE MONTHS) the symptoms were SUPPOSED to get better and ultimately subside! Well now, that is NOT my story, my symptoms got worse as soon as my period ended! Jesus Take The Wheel!! My advice to you is this: RESEARCH as much info as you can, regarding pre-menopause, take your vitamins, drink plenty of room-temperature water, keep stress at bay, exercise, pray, tell your family members what you're going through, and be KIND to yourself! This TSUNAMI doesn't go away quietly; at times, it can be an absolute nightmare!! You matter, and it's high-time that you focus on being well! Grab your lunch tray and be the first in line, and everyone else has to get in line behind you! When you're well, everyone around you will be well.

  • beth58277
    beth58277 kdw12

    Edited

    I can relate to you and your husband. I am perimenopausal and I have mood changes often,but instead of blowing up at everybody, I tell them, I'm angry today or I feel like crying today.So they know why I'm acting different. I never take it out on anyone because I know it's not their fault. My husband is also going through something and he is quite the opposite of me. He does take it out on me and our kids and at time it can be miserable. But I unlike your husband, will not leave him or stop loving him, because I know the man I fell in love with is still there, he's just dealing with something. I'm sorry your husband wasn't so sympathetic. But I do know how hard it can be to walk on eggshells. Have you tried talking and working it out? This is a difficult time in a women's life, but try to remember, even though it may not feel like it, you are in control, you got this.

  • jude84900
    jude84900 kdw12

    Edited

    hi kdw,

    Do you have access to alternative doctors? I personally would consider getting on bio identical hormone treatment. Get your body replenished with what you lost. Hormone replacement has come a long way the last 25 years. Some women do quite well on them and need adjustments along the way that a seasoned doc in hormone replacement can provide. When I hear stories such as yours with so much suffering and pain, women don't need to be suffering for years on end like this. I do pellets that consist of estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. Creams were a good method too. Good Luck.

    • toria_07298
      toria_07298 jude84900

      Posted

      i tried the creams they made me worse so they dont work for everyone, some in peri dont need them yet xx

  • menomel
    menomel kdw12

    Edited

    Your message broke my heart. I so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. Its a really touch time.

    I would strongly recommend talking to your doctor about HRT - perhaps find a menopause specialist to support you.

    Even of you do it for 12 months to give you a breahter as you transition to a new phase.

    Remember you are not alone, it is hard but you will make it. BIG HUG

  • beth13506
    beth13506 kdw12

    Edited

    Its so sad for some of us peri/menopause change our life in many ways , you are not alone being a mom and taking care of the whole family is priceless . I wish we get paid for that but not . Stay strong pray to God and if you can try to see menopause specialist its bumpy road but be positive things will change for the better .

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