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Perimenopause VS. Menopause…why would this ever get any better????????

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Finny2018
Finny2018

So I’ve read many of the books. I’ve lived on the forums. I’ve read hundreds and hundreds of reviews on Amazon.

If all of the symptoms we “Peri’s” are having are to do the levels of hormones fluctuating/dropping….then once they are done doing their little nightmare on our body during the Peri – what happens at Menopause??

If I get the menses all over the board on the calendar, hot flashes, body aches, fatigue, dry skin, mood swings, lethargy, depression, anxiety now for the first time at 49 years in Perimenopause – WHY is this going to stop at Menopause or SOMEDAY just because I’m done with my cycle? What changes at the SOMEDAY? My body decides it’s gotten used to it? It levels off?

I read conflicting data over and over about that question. Once you are in Menopause, some say you will always have to do hormones – others say you will always have to be taking something for the symptom that you are struggling with most. Oprah lasted all of 2 years in Peri feeling awful and finally did the BHRT.

I’ve been on the Peri Roller Coaster for about 3 years. I could handle most of the symptoms I was having until I experienced the depression, anxiety, and lethargy for the very first time in my life during my May 2018 cycle – I can’t do that one again!

 

I’ve reached out to about 20 friends/family – about 9 went on anti-depressants, 9 went on BHRT and 2 toughed it out. I guess I’m at the tough out stage but really leaning towards some BHRT.

 

You all inspire me SO much! Your perseverance gives me SO much strength. I am so thankful for this forum!

Just wondering if this “toughing it out” is any way of living? Like many of you have shared...I feel like I can't make any big plans as it seems I never know what I am going to feel like each week. Thanks for letting me vent. 

 

7 likes, 39 replies

39 Replies

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  • mauiblue
    mauiblue Finny2018

    Posted

    Finny

    Hi

    What a great post.

    No

    toughing it out is just one more way to deal with this hell that has been gifted to us.

    I tried everything, over and over and over again, and to no avail.

    So im toughing it out because there isnt any other option.

    I am not giving up though, i continue to research, read, ask questions..I know that this field is largely uncharted territory although the 'experts' will tell you differently. Noone knows sreally what works and what doesnt. 

    everything is symptom based. Saliva, blood, spot, all testing is pretty much worthless because we fluctuate. And in menopause its the same thing.

    i dealt with perimenopause im guessing maybe 8-10 yrs not really understanding what was happening. talk about 'duhhh'.  I just thought that i was crazy or over thought things with my health etc., and the pms, i just thought it was the way it was.

    I NEVER had depression or anxiety though until i went into menopause unfortunately it blindsided me.

    I lost all of my estrogen and it was a ton..it plummeted to nothing in a few months..so my blood work said..and it was horrifying and is to this day.

    So one would think that replacing the hormones will make it all better?well not for me so far. i would be bathing in it if it worked, the same with the anit's..who cares about cancer or heart disease if your health and mental wellbeing isnt worth a #^$$ sorry...

    im glad you found the forum, and im glad you are here..

    x0x0x

     

    • Finny2018
      Finny2018 mauiblue

      Posted

      Mauiblue,

      I am glad I am here, too. smile I've said it a number of times but don't think I can say it enough...you ALL inspire me SO much to keep on pressing on! I have been poring over old discussions on this forum and taking notes, LOL! What did she try, okay she does the progesterone, this one tried Lexapro, oh she doesn't shower either, LOL!, etc etc. 

      Like you, I never had depression or anxiety until BAM this year at 49 - it blindsided me, too!

      Looking back I did feel a little blue - postpartum stuff - but that was a walk in the park compared to the few months of Peri Nightmare I had this spring/summer. I am thinking that like you, my hormones went WILD these last 6 months. Today marks the longest I've gone between periods (they've been all across the board this year like my mom experienced at this age). Interestingly, I am feeling like myself the last week??? I still have the usual, not as bothersome Peri symptoms (guess I've just gotten used to them!). 

      I had noticed, however, that in the last 3 years I was not keeping up with my usual routine etc. Routine meaning: I used to shower, get dressed, hair appointments every six weeks, nails and toenails - you get the scene - basically looking my best for my age. But it was slow and insidious - I really didn't notice that putting on a baseball hat was becoming the normal for me until I was looking through photos while in Peri Fatigue days last month. Oh my - when did I stop taking care of myself??? YIKES!

      Reading a ton on the over the counter bio-creams and reading all of the books. I would be bathing in the hormones, too, if I could find some relief when I get the bad months!  I may just end up trying some  - we shall see.

      Thanks, Maui!

       

    • Guest
      Guest Finny2018

      Posted

      You made me smile😊. I wear sweat pants as if they were designer jeans. However, I DO shower regularly in case i have to be rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night...don’t want to stink...peri  symptoms are a beast!

  • Guest
    Guest Finny2018

    Posted

    I was in a room with about 12 women (10 over age 60, 1 age 40, 1 age 53), every one of those women were either on antidepressants or hormones!! All of them denied having bad issues with peri, but then I think, but why are you on drugs? 

    I'm just hopeful that since I had a bad peri that full meno will give me some relief. And I don't want to start full blown BHRT until I'm in full meno. I'm afraid that will start the hormone roller coaster again, but I guess I will do it if I'm starting new symptoms by then.

    It's scary because I look at my sister who is 5 years older than me, in full meno since age 53 (she's 58 now) and she's having such bad problems with anxiety. She gets panic attacks, even has jumped out of moving cars! And I think, great, is this my future? So I get what you are saying. It's pretty darn depressing.

    • lori93950
      lori93950 Guest

      Posted

      Yes it’s a military operation trying to find the right BHRT and AD . Months go by and maybe even years you’re still experimenting . I tried the AD’s and made me feel awful but I say if it works for you then it’s better than living no life . 
    • Finny2018
      Finny2018 lori93950

      Posted

      Before I hit a ton of symptoms at 49, I couldn't have imagined considering an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety. But as you said, Lori - if it works for some - YES - it's better than having a poor quality of life.

      I used to be that person that would think privately- oh I wonder if she would just get some exercise - eat better etc. I feel so bad about ever thinking that now! No amount of clean eating or exercise is going to change your Hormone levels - ask Oprah, LOL!  She had a personal Chef, personal trainer every day.

      I've read so many medical journals out there on the nightmare that plummeting Estrogen and Progesterone does on the large % of us. Am I still doing the pity party why Me? Why am I in that % that has a rough go of it when my mom breezed through it? Yes I'm having my pity party. I've been experiencing jealousy towards other women who breeze through it. I'm allowing myself to feel this for now even though it is what it is. I am blessed beyond in so many ways in my life. It just seemed to hit hard and fast even though many of the symptoms had been showing up gradually. 

    • Finny2018
      Finny2018 Guest

      Posted

      Suzanne - I am thankful that those women were honest and willing to share! I am finding the willingness of women (especially on this forum!) to be honest about all of this to be a HUGE blessing right now. 

      I've reached out to so many friends and family and am thankful they've been wiling to talk about, what for some, is a VERY hard reality. I keep thinking if all I had was just Hot Flashes with a little anxiety kicking in before a hot flash - I can do that. It's that and ALL of the other symptoms that make a person feel SO weary. My symptoms come and go - more intense some months than others. 

    • lori93950
      lori93950 Finny2018

      Posted

      Yes I see my friends constantly busy busy busy .... maybe one has hot flashes but this doesn’t prevent her from doing things . I have literally been a prisoner at home for 4 months now . I’m trying to remain positive praying that I get straightened out soon .

      I think the stress of not being in control of your body is the worst ... I can’t relax nap ( even when I’m exhausted) I don’t know my own body anymore ... it’s become a stranger .

      And yes I’d take anything that would make me better and I’m trying all different kinds of BHRT but nothing really helped get ME back yet . 

      And yes I wish i would  have educated myself or that somebody had warned me in my 40’s that this could be really bad .. I honestly had NO CLUE!!!! 

  • IToney777
    IToney777 Finny2018

    Posted

    Hi Finny2018,

    I can relate to some of the frustrations you are experiencing regarding Perl-menopause. You mentioned that you have talked with friends and family about solutions. You even state that you have read reviews on Amazon. Keep reading those because NEW BOOKS are released often that may have the solution you seek. Also check Barnes and Noble; they have newly released books about hormonal health monthly.

    Praying that you find the right path that leads to Health and Vitality for you.

    • Finny2018
      Finny2018 IToney777

      Posted

      Thanks for your encouragement to keep reading! I am poring over as much material as I can in the last 3 months. 

      I think the hardest part for me is feeling Fragile - not able to handle things as I could.  This is a NEW feeling at 49  - it's as if a switch went off when my periods changed and I'm just not the strong Type A go getter that I've always been. And yet I read the stories of so many of the women on this forum that describe their lives being disrupted in the same way.

      I was caught off guard - blindsided really. I thought it would be some hot flashes and vaginal dryness - didn't know it could be so many other things. 

      Thanks so much for your prayers. This group is a blessing!

    • lori93950
      lori93950 Finny2018

      Posted

      You’re not alone ... nobody on here knew how terrifying and disruptive this can be . I shamedly had NO CLUE !! Totally uneducated and I’ve had 4 months of HELL! And still going through it ...how I get through each day ...I do not know . 
  • Cass63
    Cass63 Finny2018

    Posted

    Hello Finny,

    All of this craziness started in 2006 for me, but I actually hit the wall in 2009. Symptoms would come and go up to that point, but then the crazies moved in to stay. Peri menopause was bad, menopause was worse, but for me personally, post menopause has been the worst so far for me. I really didn’t expect it to be that way but it’s how it has gone for me. I don’t even recognize myself when I look in a mirror. It’s as if I am in a strangers body, very hard to explain. I have had every documented symptom and some not documented 🙄

    It’s definitely been a journey and one I would never want any woman to have to experience. I have come to the acceptance that this is the second phase in life and just try to be thankful everyday the LORD allows me to wake up. I always remind myself, things could always be worse. Lots of praying and my faith in JESUS has sustained me. I am thankful this forum is here. It’s comforting to know there are others who are going through the same symptoms. Praying for all of you ladies 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 GOD Bless 

    • Guest
      Guest Cass63

      Posted

      HI Cass,  First off, beautiful post...thank you!  May I ask how old when you started this mess?  I am 41 really bad since last year, ( subtle symptoms at 38).  heart palps, fatigue, dizzy, anxiety and a plethra of physical symptoms.  If you don’t mind...What were your periods like when they finally left you?  And OMG!  12 years?  Did you take anything?  Sorry for all the questions...if you went through this naturally...you should be sainted! 
    • Cass63
      Cass63 Guest

      Posted

      Hello Lou,

      I am now 55 and this all started for me around 43. I had to have a hysterectomy in 2011 and decided at that time not to take anything. I do use Estrace cream a couple times a week. Like I stated, I honestly think I have had every symptom there is and then some. 

      Definitely been a trying time but I am still holding on with faith that eventually I will level out. We just all have to hang on. Prayers for strength for all 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 GOD Bless

    • Finny2018
      Finny2018 Cass63

      Posted

      Hi Cass,

      Your post made my eyes watery. What a beautiful way to share how the LORD has been your strength as HE has been for me - can't imagine an hour or second without Him in this valley.

      Like you, my symptoms would come and go the last years (age 45 - 49) - sometimes I'd get hit with fatigue mainly and then I'd have good months. The last few months have been awful. I read all of these success stories of women on the BHRT - the transdermal creams - and I am still on the fence about trying it. If by some miracle I could open the book of my life and it would say - April 2018 - December 2018 are going to be awful but then it's done, LOL! Isn't that a dream for all of us?   

      Thanks again for your beautiful post my Sister in Christ. 

    • lori93950
      lori93950 Finny2018

      Posted

      Yes without the faith that this is going to get better then ... we would all be finished ! 

      I try to keep positive even in the darkest of moments ... the power of the mind is a strong tool but not even strong enough to combat THIS ! 

      I tried the BHRT for 6 weeks ... it did help but didn’t make me feel like ‘myself ‘ and that’s all I want please God . I’m trying a week without it to see if I feel better. 

      I stupidly didn’t realize that BHRT is a drug and once you stop it’s like coming off drugs ... so had an awful few days .

    • michelle97919
      michelle97919 lori93950

      Posted

      I agree Lori it takes extreme faith to get through this. My husband is a pastor and has his own church yet i still struggle.

      Prayers for us all x

    • lori93950
      lori93950 michelle97919

      Posted

      Yes Michelle I have a lot of faith but I feel shortchanged by God right now . I just got divorced also really need to see my mom who’s 6000 miles away but I’m too ill to travel . It’s like come on God ... give me a break and make this easier . Divorce is hard enough as it is then all this on top of that ? I sleep with my holy water under my pillow and pray every night for a better day tomorrow . 
    • mauiblue
      mauiblue lori93950

      Posted

      not to be nosy but how long were you married?

      I think you can handle the travel, just get from point a to point b with your mom in mind.

      thats what i did last january, and i was sooo glad i did at the time.

      i had a lot of anxiety about it but made it happen. 

      And yes...

      we and aprox.half of the human species (in the US anyhow) have been short changed in the 'quality of life dept.'

      its a sin

    • lori93950
      lori93950 mauiblue

      Posted

      Hi Maui

      I was married 11 years together for 16 years. It’s tough as I don’t know if I’m just depressed over the finality of everything or is it meno ... wish everything hadn’t come all at once as I’m very confused . 

      I need to wait until I get more stable to travel. I literally can’t function some days and just lie  in bed and travelling 6000 miles right now is out of the question. You need to be in good health to travel that far. If I was just a bit depressed I’d go but it’s the fatigue and not knowing which days I’m going to ‘crash’ . I’ve got this really bad ... 

    • mauiblue
      mauiblue lori93950

      Posted

      You guys were together a LONNNg time

      I think that its a combination of both, i totally understand.

      Going into menopause an ending a long term marriage is super trauma i think ..to our psyche, to our mental stability.

      It leaves you feeling completely empty, abandoned, without roots, without love, support, emotionally so fragile.

      (it was for me anyhow- ended a relationship at the beginning of meno also, and what a dreadful combination, it just trashed me )

      Well,

      you will be ready to travel soon. I know how annoying the hrt can be..patch on?patch off? its like ..pick the better of two evils basically.

      x0x0x

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