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My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 5 months ago and 3 and a half month ago he left our home. This occurred after months of him working lots of overtime, spending little time with family and friends, drinking most evenings, complaining of aches and pains and experiencing insomnia.
Since my ex decided to break up with me and move out, like practically everOther person dealing with a depressed partner, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. One week he would be sorry for leaving and want to resolve issues, but the next I would receive emotional abuse. At first I believed when my ex broke up with me that I was a horrible partner toward him. After all, I was being told that I had caused him nothing but upset and stress that no-one else caused him on a daily basis. My first thought was that I need to get help from a professional to become a better person who would be loved in a relationship. After a couple of sessions I began to feel better about myself and felt a change for the better; I became more confident and happy. My ex thought it was fantastic but as soon as I suggested he seek professional help his attitude changed. Just recently it dawned upon me that perhaps my ex has been depressed for most of his adult life and that I mistook his depression as mood swings/being over tired/under pressure from work. My professional suggested that perhaps my low self esteem suited my ex at the time as I was more than happy to take responsibility for anything that went wrong in our relationship.
Over the past couple of months despite moving out my ex has still been speaking to me/seeing me and telling me how he is still feeling depressed. However he refuses to seek professional help and thinks he can work through it alone. More recently the more I try to suggest help/a solution the more verbal and emotional abuse I have received to the point where I avoid conversations with him about anything other than every day topics. A lot of the time now I am ignored or he will not engage in any form of conversation with me unless he feels like he wants to speak with me. I took great comfort in readingarticle about depressed men shutting their partners out, but not completely, but far enough just so they felt comfortable and knew you were there if they needed you.
Just yesterday, two days after I spoke with him and he said he would talk to me about the way he was feeling, he told me he cannot stand that 'I am so happy' and 'it's like I'm on happy pills'. I was then told that he blames me completely for the way he feels and it is all my fault for him not wanting to be in a relationship and for him not wanting a family. As if that was not enough I was then told that he is happy now and that I shouldn't bother him anymore because he will deal with his problems without any help, and that he has wasted 4 years of his life with me and it is now time for him to get his revenge. As I'm sure you can imagine I was left completely baffled by his conflicting points.
My family and friends think I should move on, but again like most women I am clinging (unfortunately) to the memories that I have where we were blissfully happy and I want those times to return.
Does anyone have any useful advice?
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