Please help
Posted , 6 users are following.
I stopped taking my medication (citalopram 30mg) two weeks ago. Not because I felt better but because I hate myself so much I dont want to get any better or lose the drive to kill myself. I was in psych hospital two weeks ago for attempting to kill myself but I realised I dont have it in me. This has made me feel worse because that was my only way out and now I dont even have that anymore. So I was angry with the medication for taking that away from me and stopped taking it.
Now im suffering from really bad withdrawals with the worst anxiety ive ever experienced and these electric shock sensations and feeling really panicky and low.
I had an appointment with my gp today and wanted to tell him but I bottled it and ended up just saying I wanted to switch to something else and so hes referred me back to the cmht for a psychiatry outpatient appointment.
I want to tell the gp/psychiatrist but im scared that they'll get mad and give up on me. I dont think they'll understand that at this point I dont want to get better and im scared they'll just think im an attention seeker.
Im also worried that I have bpd because I feel like I have a massivr void and suicide was the only way I filled it before and now thats not an option I feel so overwhelmingly empty. I dont judge people with bpd but having worked in a community mental health team myself I know how much the staff themselves stigmatise people with that diagnosis!
Please help I feel so desperate and alone because I cant tell anyone about this cos they'll be so mad with me for doing this!
1 like, 10 replies
tanya73811 absjbs
Posted
Sandiescan3961 absjbs
Posted
absjbs Sandiescan3961
Posted
Im the same as you..couldnt do it to my family but that was the option I was always relying on for when things got too much. Now j just feel trapped and dont know what to think!
Have you ever stopped taking your medication without telling your doctor before? Do you think they'll be mad or will they get people doing this quite often?
Sandiescan3961 absjbs
Posted
elizabeth20203 Sandiescan3961
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Best wishes.
Elizabeth.
elizabeth20203 absjbs
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Best wishes.
Elizabeth.
jellyJo absjbs
Posted
Dying might bring relief - well we don't really know - but it's a one way ticket. You are important, you are here and please fight to stay here.
I was told on this site by some very kind person that cear and confusion is a part of the battle. Don't give up.
absjbs
Posted
I really dont think I deserve to be alive with an attitude like mine. I think I just need to get a grip and get on with life like everyone else does
Sandiescan3961 absjbs
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You've said it all there you don't know what's causing these feelings!!!! Please keep talking to people so that we can all help each other make sense of the feelings we have.
I believe that my self loathing began the same time as the abuse in my marriage I felt then and still feel now that no-one will ever love me. I also believe now that I need to talk about the things that happened to me that triggered my depression as I think that it has been bottling all my feelings up that has bought me to the dark place I'm in now.
Best wishes xxx
sarah20380 absjbs
Posted