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I'm absolutely desperate for answers.
Up until I was 16 years of age (29 now) I was a fairly normal kid. Nothing out of the ordinary. One day when I was 16 I went ten pin bowling with a friend and as I went up to bowl I went extremely faint. Couldn't hear anyone and had to hold on to the wall to get to a seat. The feeling passed and I walked home and thought nothing of it. Just thought it was a one off. (and ever since I still cannot go bowling because a soon as I get to the pass I go extremely faint).
The next morning I woke up and my world had changed completely. Everything felt like a dream. I went to get out of bed and could not walk, I was so dizzy. my parents called an ambulance as they suspected meningitis as I kept telling them to turn the lights off.
Ambulance came, said i was fine and left.
The next few years have been absolutely hell. I've gone from doctor to doctor to plead with them how unwell I felt. I was 16years of age and all I kept saying was 'it feels like a dream'. I was terrified. I was told I had anxiety and depression. I was shocked. I didn't feel anxious or depressed but you have to believe the doctors and so I was put on anti depressants. I didn't leave the house for 2 years.
Slowly I began to accept the fact that I was different. I googled and found the word depersonalisation. It suddenly clicked. That was exactly how I felt. Finally an answer but not an answer I was happy with. I have depersonalisation 24/7. Literally from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. It's the most awful feeling in the world.
As a then 17 year old girl I used all my savings to have a full medical and a MRI of the brain. Of course it all came back normal. I was so frustrated. I cried and cried a lot of the time through fear.
Over time i learnt to accept that maybe it wasn't physical and that it was part of me. I slowly got a part time job but had to leave because I couldn't cope. Over the last 2 years I found my vocation in life. I became a carer for adults with learning disability's and I absolutely love it. I coped with the depersonalisation and threw myself into my work. I was so proud of myself for working all the hours of the day and making money and appearing 'normal'.
Sometimes I'd be working and this completely faint feeling would come over me, just like at the bowling alley.
I took annual leave for a few days a month ago and haven't been back to work since. On my last day of annual leave something came over me. I felt incredibly weak. I'd lost my appetite completely and food didn't taste good. Even the smallest tasks were hard for me and I'd feel completely worn out after doing them.
Now it's been a month and I don't feel any better. I'm on new anti depressants because the doctors and my family all believe it's the tablets. I paid for another MRI this week and all came back normal.
I've always had small involuntary twitching all over my body for as long as I can remember. I remember sitting in school assembly and trying so hard to stay as still as possible. To this day I still twitch all over. my fingers esp and sometimes by whole body shakes inside and my hands shake and twitch worse than normal so I've got it on video to show my doctor.
I'm also having problems with going to toilet - a number 2!. I've never been regular and have known to go week or so before anything happens.Sunday was my last bowel movement and it was lots of little balls. I have not been for number 2 since then but have been eating plenty. Don't seem to have any pain. Just feel a bit bloated.
Doctors did an xray of my tummy and said I have some feaces in my large bowel? Said I was constipated and are referring me to the bowel specialists at the hospital? I thought it was a bit extreme and have no idea what this means.
Since I was 16 I've known this is more than anxiety. I've had blood tests and a 2 mri brain scans since then. Is there anything else I should ask for?
I was thinking of asking to be refereed to a neurologist, a ENT coz I feel a lot of pressure between my ears and frequently get a pulsating heartbeat in my ear. I was thinking maybe asking to see an allergist too?
My family all think I have health anxiety which is extremely frustrating when I know that somethings not right.
Any help or advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
I'm so desperate for help.
also I do all the doctors tell me too and keep taking my prozac but the feelings never go.
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