Please help - complicated

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi all,

I'm absolutely desperate for answers.

Up until I was 16 years of age (29 now) I was a fairly normal kid. Nothing out of the ordinary. One day when I was 16 I went ten pin bowling with a friend and as I went up to bowl I went extremely faint. Couldn't hear anyone and had to hold on to the wall to get to a seat. The feeling passed and I walked home and thought nothing of it. Just thought it was a one off. (and ever since I still cannot go bowling because a soon as I get to the pass I go extremely faint).

The next morning I woke up and my world had changed completely. Everything felt like a dream. I went to get out of bed and could not walk, I was so dizzy. my parents called an ambulance as they suspected meningitis as I kept telling them to turn the lights off.

Ambulance came, said i was fine and left.

The next few years have been absolutely hell. I've gone from doctor to doctor to plead with them how unwell I felt. I was 16years of age and all I kept saying was 'it feels like a dream'. I was terrified. I was told I had anxiety and depression. I was shocked. I didn't feel anxious or depressed but you have to believe the doctors and so I was put on anti depressants. I didn't leave the house for 2 years.

Slowly I began to accept the fact that I was different. I googled and found the word depersonalisation. It suddenly clicked. That was exactly how I felt. Finally an answer but not an answer I was happy with. I have depersonalisation 24/7. Literally from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. It's the most awful feeling in the world.

As a then 17 year old girl I used all my savings to have a full medical and a MRI of the brain. Of course it all came back normal. I was so frustrated. I cried and cried a lot of the time through fear.

Over time i learnt to accept that maybe it wasn't physical and that it was part of me. I slowly got a part time job but had to leave because I couldn't cope. Over the last 2 years I found my vocation in life. I became a carer for adults with learning disability's and I absolutely love it. I coped with the depersonalisation and threw myself into my work. I was so proud of myself for working all the hours of the day and making money and appearing 'normal'.

Sometimes I'd be working and this completely faint feeling would come over me, just like at the bowling alley.

I took annual leave for a few days a month ago and haven't been back to work since. On my last day of annual leave something came over me. I felt incredibly weak. I'd lost my appetite completely and food didn't taste good. Even the smallest tasks were hard for me and I'd feel completely worn out after doing them.

Now it's been a month and I don't feel any better. I'm on new anti depressants because the doctors and my family all believe it's the tablets. I paid for another MRI this week and all came back normal.

I've always had small involuntary twitching all over my body for as long as I can remember. I remember sitting in school assembly and trying so hard to stay as still as possible. To this day I still twitch all over. my fingers esp and sometimes by whole body shakes inside and my hands shake and twitch worse than normal so I've got it on video to show my doctor.

I'm also having problems with going to toilet - a number 2!. I've never been regular and have known to go week or so before anything happens.Sunday was my last bowel movement and it was lots of little balls. I have not been for number 2 since then but have been eating plenty. Don't seem to have any pain. Just feel a bit bloated.

Doctors did an xray of my tummy and said I have some feaces in my large bowel? Said I was constipated and are referring me to the bowel specialists at the hospital? I thought it was a bit extreme and have no idea what this means.

Since I was 16 I've known this is more than anxiety. I've had blood tests and a 2 mri brain scans since then. Is there anything else I should ask for?

I was thinking of asking to be refereed to a neurologist, a ENT coz I feel a lot of pressure between my ears and frequently get a pulsating heartbeat in my ear. I was thinking maybe asking to see an allergist too?

My family all think I have health anxiety which is extremely frustrating when I know that somethings not right.

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I'm so desperate for help.

also I do all the doctors tell me too and keep taking my prozac but the feelings never go.

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    what a terrible time you have had and how brilliantly you have coped with it all. If you are anxious about your health I think you are entitled to be, anxiety is a fear with no obvious cause. With anxiety you do feel disconnected sometimes but not all the time and not when you are in comfortable surroundings ie. at home and with family that you love and trust. If I were in your situation I would try eliminating all known possible allergens from my diet and moniter myself for improvements. There is a lot of advice about this on the Internet but these foods would include all dairy and most grains. This may not be the answer but it costs nothing to try and the results could be spectacular. I do wish you luck and always trust your own instincts.
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    • Posted

      Hi Terri,

      Thank you for the reply.

      Yeah it's been awful. 

      I think your right, I have to try something. 

      I'm a very picky eater and eat a lot of bread. 

      I get the shakes sometimes too and also have had involuntary twitches in all of my body since I was very young - 7 years old? No idea if it's connected but always thought it was odd.

      Sometimes I get the shakes bad - almost like I have diabetes which I don't. And my hands go really shaky and twitch a lot.

      Here is a video of it when it's at it's worst:

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    • Posted

      Hi Terri,

      Thanks for your reply.

      I did write a reply to you but it contained a link to a youtube video of me having involuntary movements in my hands. 

      Think it was deleted. Are links not allowed on here? 

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  • Posted

    Hello Hayz22

    I am an older lady and post on here ocasionally to empathise with/support others with my experience of anxiety.  I myself only learnt about Depersonalation/Derealisation a few years ago.  Prior to that, no doctor used that description to me.  It seems that it can rear its ugly head at very random times, whenever the brain feels like it!  It also is inclined to appear if you are overworked or overtired......the pressure in your head could be due to anxiety/tiredness......your GP should be able to sort out your bowel problems.  Hope these few words offer some encouragement.  Good Luck.

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    • Posted


      Thanks so much for your reply.

      I feel disconnected 24/7. As soon as I wake up. I also get dizzy iF I stand up to quick and also get the faint lifhtheaded feelings randomly.

      I know that if I went bowling tomorrow it would come over faint when reaching the approach like. So weird?

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  • Posted

    Another quick reply Hayz22

    I think the feelings you have about "bowling" is recognised as "anxiety by association"  ...a bit like "white coat syndrome" when going for blood pressure checks at the surgery.  Obviously I am not qualified to give advice, but can only offer help by experience, and I have lots of that!

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  • Posted

    Well, I know how bad dp is,mine started at the same age,I was 16 -and like you happened very suddenly for no reason I could think of. It plagued me for years 24/7. Its a terrifyingly feeling it really did. I'm now 36 and after a lot of therapy I feel it's not as in charge as it was, I still do go thru extended periods of it,and it never gets less terrifying. Dp while a disorder in it's own right, is very commonly an anxiety symptom. While it may seem academic,  it's a very important distinction. If it is based in anxiety then dealing with the anxiety really is the key to dealing with it long term.  Medication for me made it worse, so I take no medication, therapy can help, but it does take time
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  • Posted

    Also yes it's easy when we feel this terrible thing to associate it with things,if we feel it all the time then naturally all those things we are easily associated with the feeling 
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  • Posted

    I am 66 and gradually began feeling out of body experiences about a year or so ago.  I ignored it because it was usually when I was driving and looking at my hand and arm.  It did not affect my driving.  Then after I had a bad experience by a couple I respected (treated like a leper) and when I confronted them, they apologized and denied it.  I as terribly hurt. Anyway, my feelings of rejection and ridicule were my focus (probably some imagined and should have been irrelevant because I always had and have good solid friends).  Last year I began seeing a therapist; she encouraged me to focus on the positive things in my life and not allow people's judgements determine how I feel. Very hard to do especially when some of them is your family. I do live alone, thank God. I haven't seem my therapist again in several months.  I began to feel better. 

    However, in the last several months this dreamlike feeling has return.  It does not stop me from functioning; it just seems like I'll lose control over myself. I've read enought about depersonalization to know that I can distinguished fact from something that's not real. 

    I was beginning to think that my fear and anxiety was showing in my eyes (that people could tell when they looked at me). Wednesday night I had a long talk with a friend about anxiety and fears.  We took turns praying. I felt better. Some of the darkness lifted. At my volunteer job on Friday the devotion was focussed on fear and the leader gave us scriptures. Some times afterwards, I get feelings of my old self. 

    Yes, I've had many medical tests and a cognitive one (rules out dementia). I'm pretty okay physically.  I believe that these feelings will pass if we are not overcome with fear. Repeating this helps me, "God did not give me the spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind."  I am confident that these feelings will pass.  Praying for you.

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