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Please help - feeling terrible and hopeless

Posted , 5 users are following.

holly_t
holly_t

Hi all. So I'm on citalopram and have been since Friday 29th August (starting on 10mg, 20mg for about 2 weeks now) and today is by far the worst day so far. I feel totally hopeless - almost suicidal which isn't like me at all. I'm going on holiday tomorrow yet I'm still in my pajamas and haven't packed a thing or arranged anything. Everything is an effort, even going to the kitchen to get water. I'm taking amitriptyline at night to help me sleep but for 3 days that hasn't worked so I've been reduced to taking zopiclone. I'm trying so so hard to tell myself it will get better but feel it's a real struggle at the moment. While I've been positive most days, today I'm finding it pretty much impossoble. I just want to hide away. For the first time the day has flown by, and not in a good way. Most days drag because of the anxiety but today just feels like I wonder why I even got out of bed because I'll be going to bed soon.

Although I'm trying to stay calm and tell myself alot of this will be side effects, I'd really appreciate some positive advice, vibes and success stories to get me through this difficult time.

Thank you x

0 likes, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • sue38919
    sue38919 holly_t

    Posted

    Hi Holly

    It's still early days yet - please don't give up.  It can take up to 6-8 weeks before you start noticing a difference so hang on in there!

  • loxie
    loxie holly_t

    Posted

    Hi Holly, unfortunately there will be bad days and good days until you body finds the right balance from the cit.  Please hang in there, I do understand that horrible feeling of not having the wherewithal to do absolutely anything at all, particularly packing for a holiday which is always a horribly stressful task for me.  Hopefully just being away will lift your spirits and help you relax more.  In the end dont give a hoot about the packing, unless you're going to the amazon jungle, if you forget anything you'll be able to find a shop that sells it (and probably cheaper than here if you're going abroad!).  Really - it WILL get better but like so many things there's always the feeling worse beforehand for a short while.  Treat yourself to some good quality chocolate, take a nap and think about being on hols and not having a care in the world til you get back, by which time the cit will be working better.  xxx
    • holly_t
      holly_t loxie

      Posted

      Thank you Loxie - that is a really helpful and uplifting response smile xx
    • davey_b
      davey_b holly_t

      Posted

      I'm with you chum. I'm at about the same stage and feel pretty much the same as you describe.  There's a few folks at about the same stage and we're all having a difficult time at the moment.  Not sure what else to say other than I feel your pain.  Hopefully we'll all start feeling better soon although it's hard to believe it when you feel like this. 
    • loxie
      loxie davey_b

      Posted

      I find it really helpful to have this forum, it's all written down how we feel at any given time and hopefully we'll be able to look back at this in the future and think 'oh wow, I'm SO much better now' smile <  little smile  little="">
  • AnonymousWoman
    AnonymousWoman holly_t

    Posted

    Hi Holly, 

    If you are feeling really bad or afraid you would actually do something drastic, you should contact your doctor and maybe consider trying other meds. 

    If not, it's difficult, but the meds can cause these side effects. If you can hang on in there you may find you hit a turning point and things start getting better. 

    I must stress that in my experience CBT is even more helpful than meds alone and helps you reach a place where you can get a more permanent change! :D 

    Ultimately though, you are the only one who can lift yourself out of the depression as it is you who has the power to challenge your negative thoughts or make some positive changes to your lifestyle. Try some of my tips, they saved me! smile https://patient.info/forums/discuss/-golden-list-tips-for-anxiety-depression-270878

    All my best wishes, 

    Agirl xx

  • henrietta54
    henrietta54 holly_t

    Posted

    Hi Holly, thanks for sharing your story. Im on citalapram 10mgs for 3 wks now and feel exactily like you. Im on zopliclone for sleep too, Im also going on holiday and cant get motivated like you.Just stay strong as will I and hopefully we can get through this together
    • holly_t
      holly_t henrietta54

      Posted

      Hi Henrietta

      How did you get on?

      I just came back from holiday yesterday... I had an amazing week. I stopped taking the amitriptyline and was able to sleep all week, albeit broken but I wasn't worrying about it at all! I just eventually drifted back off. Was feeling very confident and then..

      Our flight came in late last night, 1am. I'd had a few restless doses on the plane but thought I'd be fine when I got home. However last night was one of the worst nights since my anxiety started. Its like I've now come home and everything that happened the last week wasn't real! I feel ok today which is good i suppose, usually after having a night like that I would be in a state all day the next day, crying, shaking. So I suppose it is working.

      These ups and downs eh!

      I'm back at work on Monday so I'm going to see how I get on tonight without the amitriptyline. i just dont' want to rely on them AND citalopram!

      Anyway would be good to know how you're doing x

  • davey_b
    davey_b holly_t

    Posted

    I had a better nights sleep last night (took a sleeping pil) and still feeling on the edge today but so far not as totally messed up as I felt yesterday. 
    • loxie
      loxie davey_b

      Posted

      Good to hear Davey.  Amazing what sleep can achieve eh.  Hope you continue to feel better.
    • davey_b
      davey_b loxie

      Posted

      Yeah, I think it was mostly just having a better night's sleep.  Only have a few more sleeping pills so hoping it gets better sooner rather than later. 
  • holly_t
    holly_t

    Posted

    I just came back from holiday yesterday... I had an amazing week. I stopped taking the amitriptyline and was able to sleep all week, albeit broken but I wasn't worrying about it at all! I just eventually drifted back off. Was feeling very confident and then..

    Our flight came in late last night, 1am. I'd had a few restless doses on the plane but thought I'd be fine when I got home. However last night was one of the worst nights since my anxiety started. Its like I've now come home and everything that happened the last week wasn't real! I feel ok today which is good i suppose, usually after having a night like that I would be in a state all day the next day, crying, shaking. So I suppose it is working.

    These ups and downs eh!

    I'm back at work on Monday so I'm going to see how I get on tonight without the amitriptyline. i just dont' want to rely on them AND citalopram!

    Anyway would be good to know how you're all doing x

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