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Hello and thank you all for taking the time to read my post. I'm here in desperate search of help, I'm thirty four years-old and developed a fear of sleep when I was nineteen years-old after a major surgery. My life has been ruined by this, I'm scared that I will die in my sleep so I go days without sleep and when I do try to sleep, I'm tense, shaky, anxious, and sleep becomes impossible. I feel all kinds of weird sensations when trying to sleep and when I do sleep, it's not refreshing at all. I noticed that I tense up immediately upon laying down. I will bring my ears up to my shoulders and have to remind myself to relax, however, I cant. I use to love sleep, it was my medication for everything. Head hurt, go to sleep, not feeling good, go to sleep, emotional, go to sleep, scared, go to sleep and everything would be better when I wake up. And it always was, when I could not count on anyone or anything, I was able to count on sleep. Now I'm terrified of it and have been for the past fifteen years and no one has been able to help. I have a daughter who has only known me as I am. Moody, angry, no energy, scared, short tempered, anxious, always yelling, and zero patients. This is not the mother I'm supposed to be, she deserves the person I was before this started. I'm currently going through a really bad time now. I have barley slept in the past 4-5 days. maybe 8 hours total. I'm at my wits end, I want this to be over so that I could live my life and be the mother I know that I can be. Because of my sleep phobia I have not be able to hold down a job or finish school, however, after trying for fourteen years, I was able to transfer from a community college, to a university and completed my first semester this past Fall 2019. I start Spring semester 01/21/20 and I am terrified that my fear of sleep is going to hinder me again. Does anyone have any advice? I tried therapy, however, each therapist seemed uninterested in helping me, I'm scared to take medication, so that's out of the question and I'm to anxious to do meditation. If any has any advice, please let me know.
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