Please help, I need advice on my BP :/

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I'm becoming concerned about myself, even when I was diagnosed with bipolar 4 years ago I wasn't as bad as I am now!! I'm on 5 tablets a day plus anti depressants . I'm totally at a loss! I've pushed people away by telling them I can't have them in my life ( some needed to be done as they took advantage ) but others there was no need!! My mood isn't stable, I'm feeling hopeless all the time, I want to sleep all day, I'm not eating , I'm emotional yet anger easily. I have no interest in anything. I feel guilty because I see my children see how I am, I'm a loving mum and look after them but I no I can do more. See now I'm crying just writing that cos I desperately want help!! The doctors don't seem to understand, even mental health team, I only see them when I have a breakdown for two sessions then they send me on my way with tablets. I want my life back!! I ruined my marriage from this horrible mental illness. I feel so alone but I want help and guidance but offered nothing but tablets. I try to help myself then I fail and give up. Am I the only one who gets like this because I feel like it. I would love nothing more than to fall asleep and not wake up for my selfish reason but I have 4 Beautiful children that need me and I need to be the best mum I know I'm capable of. Know one understands this condition from my family and friends I have left.

I want my children to see their mum can beat this and live a normalish life!! Has anyone got any advice please? I'll take anything on board. Thanks in advance ??

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    First of all, well done for getting this all down on paper. Hi. I just got diagnosed last March and my life has crumbled since then, although it has been teetering  on the edge for many years. I get your emotional but anger easily. You are amazing if you have all this going on and can even be in the house with 4 children! Well done you. I too currently have no interest in anything, can't take my son, my sleeping hours all over the place, sleeeping beteween 12-14 hours a day but kinda just wanting to sleep all the time cause life is such a shambles. I have come to the conclusion that private mental health with dedicated support is the lifeline to this illness but I unfortuantely have severe money issues too, mainly cause I can't work, so not an option for me. I don't communicate with pepole when down so not really got any friends to blab to. This isn't really true I just isolate and then think I have no friends, ignoring them when they try to contact me.  You don''t say if you are NHS or private. Sometimes we think we are doing worse than we are so give yourself a break. I know people say this to me all the time and it doesn't really help but there it is anyway! 

    I hope some or any of this helps. Great to hear from you and I wish you all the bestconfused.

    That's alot of tablets you're on, I am on 150MG Quettiapine but still maniclaky depressed. 

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    • Posted

      Hi sully, thank you for your message, I'm sorry to hear your going through the same, it's so hard isn't it?! I'm a NSH patient. I don't have private health care now I'm divorced, I can't afford it with not working and 4children

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  • Posted

    Hi Lisa,

    I'm sorry to hear the difficulties you are having. You did a great job of writing everything down - I am sure that there has to be more help for you. Are you living in the UK? (I'm in Canada)  Also I don't think that you listed the medications you are on.  Sometimes a medication doesn't work as well as another and it needs to be changed. Also the antidepressants can work against the mood stabilized and they need to be revisited.  I sent you a private email about a course that I find amazing in helping reclaim life. It is lead by a man who has bipolar disorder and has made wonderful contributions to the internation bp. community.

    Best Wishes,  Karin

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    • Posted

      Hi Latin, thank you so much for your reply.

      I'm in the uk yes.

      Currently I'm on Depakote 250mg for bipolar 2 in the morning and 3 at night. Then I take 1 vensir XL 150 prolonged release ( venafalaxine) then I have Lorazepam 1mg tablets as and when I need it. Thank you for your kind support

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  • Posted

    Hi.

    Just wondering...do you not have any "highs"?

    I have bpd and have two moods - extremely low, dark and moody, and extremely euphoric, confident and kinda out there.

    There is no in between for me.

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    • Posted

      Hello there, I used to have highs where I'd miss weeks of my life. On a high I wouldn't be in control. I was pretty bad. I'm more settled now but the lows are terrible. I can go from calm to angry, snappy or emotional in seconds!

      The last few months I'm not wanting to do anything but sleep, and hide away! I don't even want to shower ?? I showered everyday without fail even when I was manic but now I have to push myself every few days. I hate it. I'm feeling very lost right now.

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