1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

Please help me , i feel i am going to harm my whole life

Posted , 2 users are following.

Rahul25121994
Rahul25121994

I am 23 and i am depressed since months, i am going to run away from my home forever living in the streets somewhere i dont know   day after tomorrow.  I feel crying but i cant , i blame it to myself completely, i had a gf dated 2.5 years , where last year in June  i started liking and chatting with another girl, a month later my gf broked up with me. I still didnt realise that it all happened because of my fault, i was in the belief that all that happned for good , as before June she since few months she was quite busy  with her sisters wedding and didn’t invited me for it even though her sister was my good friend, i was p****d with this and started loosing the intend to talk to her and then i met this girl whose views i stated to respect as it was a charitable one, we meet few times and fell for each other, but i had strictly mentioned to her that i am in a relationship already and it is not possible to happen , but still i crossed my line and started to ignore my gf and chat with the other one. One day suddenly on july she called and broked off with me , i was down crying and asking for forgiveness but deep inside i was in a belief that it all happened due to miscommunications from her side as well. Thereafter the other girl started to ignore me as well because she got busy in her charitable work , but thereafter my all the feelings for her went away and i skipped her calls when she got time, my ex gf and i were distanced but mentally we both used to talk to each other, gradually i lost interest in my all activities and started to avoid social places completely from October. With a feeling that i was gone into depression , i skipped all the pleasures in my life, and day and night i used to surf the net and read about depression. today is February 6 ,2018 , and i am completely ruined mentally, i have no emotions left inside me, i care for nothing, i want no perks in life regarding family , money etc, i am having no clue  why i am being this today, why has this happened with me, with no touch with my ex gf or anyone i know, after thinking soo much i have decided to run away to a place to live lonely forever.  Today i feel very scared as this thought is very strong , i am screaming but i cant myself listen it. I have been avoiding my all the basic responsibilites since oct and today i feel soo scared about it that i am unable to do anything, i feel soo frighten to tAlk to my friends , family, or anyone i know.  I have opened it up completely, i am asking for zero sympathy , i am just confused about everything, writing this to know wether i am doing on 8th is right. I have no option as i feel so. I dont have the guts to talk about it to anyone.     

1 like, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • declan72642
    declan72642 Rahul25121994

    Posted

    You aren’t alone. Find something you always used to love doing and give it another shot. If it doesn’t work out at least you know you gave it a shot I myself suffer with depression It is the worst thing in the world when you have it I know but you can’t keep beating yourself up over 1 mistake it doesn’t define who you are this time next year or maybe even in a couple of months the mistake won’t matter everything happens for a reason and you need to accept you did wrong and learn from it get up keep your chin up and realise there’s someone out there that’s waiting but for you they just don’t know it, keep strong my friend. My thoughts are with you, love you brother.
  • Rahul25121994
    Rahul25121994

    Posted

    I feel whomever i think of i have done something which have spoiled the relation or something i should be guilt of and shAmed of, every other person i think of makes feel feel more shameful of me, i am now shameful to myself too , as i have lost my own personality,  now i am unable to respect anyone around everything scares me inside to hell , it feels running away is the only option left. 

    The feeling inside is just soo worse that i am having perception about things all day and night inside my head all negetive.

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.