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Please! Help me! I'm in hell. Dp/dr??

Posted , 8 users are following.

zirafiuke123
zirafiuke123

Sorry for my English. I am a 17 y/o student.

Everyhing started in March. I started to have panic attacks, but they didn't bothered me. Later they were more frequent and frequent. I had massive mood swings and was easily irritated. In April I was on a trip and there I had my first "dp/dr?" experience. I felt dizzy, like I am attached from everything, but I thought that it was beacuse of lack of sleep. In the evening everything just passed away and I felt very good. I came back home and suffered from panic attacks. They weren't massive, but they were more frequent. I am a very good student. I like to learn, but sometimes it was too much. I slept just 4-5 hours per night, drank lots of coffee and energy drinks. In May I had my exams. During one exam I suffered from massive panic attack. But after it I felt fine. In May was my birthday. I had just a glass of champagne. The other morning I had coffee, because I slept just 4 hours that night. That day we went to the beach with my friends and there I had my panic attack in the bus. I got out of the bus, because I thought that I am going to pass out, I felt dizzy, like attached from the world. It scared me so much. I called my dad and he brought me home. After that day everything was worse and worse. I saw everything in 2D, room was floating, I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror. But I went to school and magically it passed away again. I felt anxious, but I was not suffering from dp/dr. Then I went to psychologist. She said that I am just extremely anxious. I tried to calm down. Then everyhing was quite good. Just my memory was a little bit worse. In June I felt fine, but then our class had a party. There I had few drinks. The other day my "dp/dr?" came back. I felt attached from the world, like a little bit strange, I couldnt recognize my loved ones. Like they looked the same, but somehow different. This haven't isolated me from the world. I was still enjoying my life. It was getting worse and worse. I had bad headaches and neckaches. Appeared more and more new symptoms:Being in a fog or dreamlike state, world seems 2-Dimensional/viewing life through a camera lens, Things happening around you don't feel like they are really happening to you, Sensations that the light is fading, Feelings are dull and blunted, Unable to feel intense emotion or any emotions, Losing emotional connections to friends/family or humans in general, I felt like not myself. But I was hanging with my friends, was communicating. But I started to notice that when I was with my friend I started to be angry and irritatable and isolated myself from them, because I didn't want to hurt them. I went to psychologists, psychiatrists nothing can help me, because they don't understand me. And everything is just moving so slowly.Now I am a terrible mess. I hate myself. My symptoms are crazy:

I am isolated from he world,i cant leave my home

I'm completely apathetic to everything.

I don't feel sympathy for normal human problems that people deal with,

Any type of problem I think of, it always leads me to questioning existence,

Every kind of human interaction weirds me out, people looks weird to me and a little scary, I'm constantly trying to be my old self

I'm unable of having panic attacks anymore

I feel like I'm in hell. Most of my life I always tried to be a happy person, and now I can't even remember how to be like that anymore

I feel extremely alone. People are around me, but I don't feel like they are truly there. It's an awful feeling that I hope I can rid of.

I feel completely unattached from the world, it scares me,

Feel like i am going to pass out or faint

Fear that I am going crazy (I just get crazy thoughts) or i am schizophrenic

Questions in the morning why an I here, who am I,

Feeling like in a bubble

Crying every day

SYMPTOM THAT SCARES ME THE MOST: I FEEL ALIEN LIKE, I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE ON THE EARTH, LIKE MY HOME IS NOT HERE, LIKE I AM BETWEEN TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS AND QUESTIONING HUMAN EXISTENCE. I CAN'T GO OUT, BECAUSE EVERYHING LOOKS SO SRANGE TO ME.

There are much more symptoms, but I can't remember them now. I've tried meditation, yoga, cold showers, to do something to be occupied, but nothing helps me. I am prescibed diazepam and i quite helps me.

I AM IN HELL! I am tired of it and crying every day. I have no motivation to do anyhing.

3 likes, 18 replies

18 Replies

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  • Fiction410
    Fiction410 zirafiuke123

    Posted

    I have felt what you're feeling. It's hard to connect to people, and many times they don't share the same values. You feel like you're the one who doesn't belong. The truth is that there are good people out there like you. You just need to find them. As for your panic attacks, limit your caffeine intake. This is only exacerbating your anxiety.

    • Fiction410
      Fiction410 zirafiuke123

      Posted

      I'm Relatively well. I used to experience panic attacks daily. I couldn't even go to the grocery store without feeling like I was going to die. During a panic attack I would try to rationalize by telling myself there was nothing to fear but my body just kept reacting. Personally I think it was too much stimuli. So many people faces, products, colors, and noises being taken in at once. I felt like my brain was overloaded. I eventually talked to my doctor and got proper medication. Now I can't even specifically remember the last time I had a panic attack.

  • jonah08622
    jonah08622 zirafiuke123

    Posted

    I know this post was 10 months ago and I don't know if you'll see this. It is currently 4:05 in the morning. I take medicine to sleep and I should be basically in a coma right now but I don't feel tired at all. I am terrified right now. My derealization is so so so so so much worse. I don't have a will to live anymore and I don't remember how anything feels or use to feel. Like everything in my memories was just planted there and I'm suffering in hell. I want to die. But at the same time I don't want to. I'm scared to wake up tomorrow to this. It's been a year since it first started but I was an idiot and decided to do more drugs (drugs was how it started for me) and the derealization got incredibly worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't feel anything. I feel dead.

    • allison1984
      allison1984 jonah08622

      Posted

      Hi jonah

      Sorry your having such a hard time hang in there it will get better

      I have depersonalization and i get derealization when im really anxious.

      So i get how crap it feels but dont give up because people do get over derealization and depersonalization.

      Have you seen a dr yet ?

      The best thing to do that i found that helps when derealization is ignore it and live like normal .

      Yeah i know its super crazy hard to act normal but its the best thing to do , panicking will only increase it .

      Go visit a friend or go for a long walk , watch a movie or phone a friend to take your mind of it .

      Sorry i cant give you a cure because im currently dealing with depersonalization but we can try to live and be positive that it will go .

    • natalie60086
      natalie60086 jonah08622

      Posted

      Hey Jonah I was like you about a month ago! I ended up in a mental health hospital because it freaked me out that much so I understand where your coming they gave me antidepressants and diazepam omg it has helped so much I don't even get it now but by the sounds of things you may need antipsychotics witch they will give you if your suffering with serve anxiety and plus if it's drug induced don't worry held in there trust me it will get better I know at this moment in time you think omg what ever anyone says it's not getting better trust me Iv been there you must go see a doctor it's not going to work over night but I started feeling better after a week of taking the antidepressants

      Wishing you a speedy recovery x

    • natalie60086
      natalie60086

      Posted

      It's the most scary experience! I had it for 2 months xxxxx

    • jonah08622
      jonah08622 natalie60086

      Posted

      I do take medicine for it but it hasn't helped. It's an every second thing for me and it's been over a year and everyday feels like it's getting worse and worse. I see a therapist I do everything. I just don't see a pound in life. I feel like I'm going insane

    • allison1984
      allison1984 jonah08622

      Posted

      Jonah you need to speak to your dr if your thinking like this .

      Please don't give up every one with a mental illness has hope .

      Dont take drugs anymore and start living really healthy, eat really well and make a point of working out daily it definitely helps .

      You said your taking meds maybe you need a change in meds ?

      I know how sXXt depersonalization or derealization is ive had both for over a year and a half now .

      Its a horrid feeling and i know its scary and lonely with it but in the end you need not let it beat you because your stronger then it so am i .

      Please see a dr if your feeling worse

      Moderator comment: I have edited this post due to the swearing. These are open forums so as per the T&Cs please do not use offensive language in posts otherwise they may be deleted.

    • thomas02156
      thomas02156 jonah08622

      Posted

      Hi. This is so weird. I have almost the exact same symptoms as you. But have almost no hope (not sure why I am writing this) to others it would clearly seem like my problems are drug induced but I feel that it is always been this way. I feel as if I am in a LITERAL hell (not using literally in a light sense) I feel that all the good times I have are just there to make the bad ones worse. I sometimes don't feel like I know my friends/family anymore. I feel that I lost something of myself during that trip. Like you I have no hope and do not have a will to live but at the same time I am petrified of dieing so there is no way out for me. One of the only ways out I felt was to trip again but I am unsure of it now due to your reply. I completely have the same feeling of memories being planted there. And life being hell. I feel anxious/suspicious of most things and I am scared that I will lose my trust in people. If there is some way to do a private chat I would love to speak to you and maybe we can make it out together.

    • jonah08622
      jonah08622 thomas02156

      Posted

      I would love to chat 1 on 1 with you. I am currently having a really REALLY bad night. I think it would be good for the both of us. I have an Instagram of you're comfortable with that. You can reach me @ postyavin

    • Guest
      Guest jonah08622

      Posted

      Sorry for some mistakes. English is not my mother language. Last 2 months i've been feeling strange. I'm not sure is it a dp dr disorder or what. I'm so scared. I'm having OCD intrusive thoughts since i was 12 and now i'm 26. I always tried to fight it with some rituals (words, moves like some kid of defense mechanism) but i've been trying to break free sooo hard. I've never visited doctor and. Anyway as i said 2 months ago i was thinking about thought and how not to react to bad ones and i kind of became obsessed with them. I was thinking about them all the time and i couldn't be relaxed, in fact all that made me even more anxious and nervous.. Then i realized that i can't fight them and that they are in out heads all the time and became scared and couldn't think easily. Then one day i started having that kind of stupid questions like what are thoughts and how they come to us. And one day everything became strange to me. My sister face, people on the street...Stupid questions came to my mind like what are we? why are we looking like that? I felt like i fell from the other planet directly on Earth. I can't describe that awful feeling! I felt like i'm going crazy! Than i started having that philosophical questions/thoughts which no one can answer (about life and world and people...). And i'm aware of that but i just can't stop them. I also can't talk like i did before because it feels different. It feels like i'm observing everything i do and every word i say or someone says. Like i'm questioning what does that word means, how funny that word sounds and it drives me crazy! I can't do anything like before! I feel terrible and something chokes me. I don't know if i described it well but i hope someone understands what i mean. I googled some of these symptoms and the closest thing i found is depersonalization/derealization disorder and philosophical awareness. I don't know what to do! Any advice would be good. I realize how beautiful life is but for me it's so hard right now.

    • thomas02156
      thomas02156 Guest

      Posted

      Hi everyone I have created a Skype group chat for anyone with anxiety, Dp and dr. Don't worry it will be a text group chat only unless you really need to call. We are all in the same boat here but maybe if we work together we can get out. Pm me your Skype names if you are interested.

    • Slythindor24
      Slythindor24 thomas02156

      Posted

      Hi, I was wondering if you still had that group chat. I’ve been feeling similar things and it would just be nice to talk to someone who even remotely understands what I’m going through. 
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