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Hi there - I've never been so scared and frustrated and sick in my stomach on my whole life and I'm begging for help.
I'm a 21 year old girl, who has been straught her entire life. I've always had crushes on boys, ever since I can remember. In primary school I had the biggest crush on this boy in my class and I had dreams about him and everything. I have always had crushes on boys even till now there were boys not my class at uni that I absolutely crushed on. Whenever their message would pop up on my phone I would literally feel my heart flop and I used to get to damn excited. Just even having them put their arm around me used to make me feel special and warm in the inside.
However, last year, and I'm not even sure how, stumbled across a tbh show where these 2 girls ended up kissing and having sex. I've always been uncomfortable with homosexuality as horrible as that sounds - its just never been sone thing got used too. But after watching this I started too, put of excitement of watching something different and forbidden I know, lesbian porn. It used to make me feel weird I don't think turned on but it used to make coming quickly for me. I can't even write this down without feeling uneasy. I've read on the break posts that it's not uncommon for girls to watch such videos because the actual visual is like a stimulant - but I don't want to be lesbian. I just - the thought makes me feel uneasy and sick. I have always suffered horrible anxiety and paranoia and when sone thing gets stuck in my head it bothers me for head I can't get it out. Please help me. I've always been attracted to guys and I'm worried that my sinning has officially stopped that for lifear. I've never looked at girls in a sexuality way before in my life and I went to an only girls school. Please help. Am.. I going to turning gay? Please help me. I don't want to be.
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