Please help me I think I might be bipolar!

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A little bit about me. I've been suffering from depression my entire life. I am a 22 year old woman. I have tried dozens of anti depressions and none of them ever did anything for me.

I have three different moods that I've noticed I go back and forth from.

From normal everyday depression. Something I can still function with. To deep depression to the point where I just stare at the wall and can't do anything at all. An empty unbearable feeling that makes me want to die. To pure agitation and anger.

I've read that some people don't get mania as in a happy feeling.

Is this what my agitation is. Because when I'm that way I can't even stand to here my families voices. When I'm irritated. Anything can set me off. And all I can do is grind my teeth and shake my leg to stop the imagines of making whatever is annoying me stop playing in my head.

Also every once in a while for whatever reason. I think that people are watching me. Starting at me threw the blinds. Watching me threw cameras in my house. Following me on my car. It's stupid. I know it's not real but I don't know why I pops into my head.

Anyone please help me. I need to find out what's wrong with me. I can't stand being this way.

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Forgot to also mention. I have ADHD I was taking Concerta but then I starting taking Lithium with the Lithium dosage became higher. The Concerta stopped working so I switched to Ritalin. 

    I'm taking the Lithium without a clear diagnosis of anything. 

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  • Posted

    What dosage does your psychiatrist have you on lithium? Are you sleeping at night? Do you have any of the other symptoms of mania? I'm not a Dr. I have bipolar disorder. My mania usually comes in the form of mostly irritation too. In addition I don't sleep or feel the need to sleep, I focus on projects and obsess about them working on them non stop. I also get too silly and have racing thoughts. I spend money I don't have and have gotten our family in financial trouble.

    I too have paranoia and think people are watching me through the blinds, cameras and even ghosts. I also have hallucinations - visual, tactile, hearing and smelling. They usually only occur under stress. Have you told your psychiatrist about your symptoms and been honest about it?

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    • Posted

      I am taking 450mg a night. 

      With sleeping. I am chronically exhausted. It doesn't matter what I do. 2 or 10 hours a night it doesn't matter. I am always tired no matter what. But I do go threw weeks or even months of insomnia. Where not by choice I can't not go to sleep until it's like 5 and I need to be at work by 8.  Last two months ago that is what was happening to me. Running on 2-3 hours of sleep per night. 

      Most of the time I can sleep well. Other nights it's not like I have racing thoughts but it's like my mind is on but working on nothing. Like trying to sleep with a spot light on you. And you just wish it would turn off so you can you to bed. 

      I obsessed about things too. Projects that I want to finish but I'm the end I never do. 

      I haven't yet. Because I'm scared. I've been told before that I was completely wrong about something that I was later proved to be right. The feeling of them not believing in me is worse than anything else. It leads to a breakdown that I don't want to deal with.

      I'm not okay right now and if I go and she says no your wrong again. I'm afraid that something bad will happen. 

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    • Posted

      Sounds like anxiety, doesn't sound like bipolar in any way, so be glad about that. A psychiatrist is the only one allowed to diagnose anyone of bipolar, and guaranteed they would not with your symptoms

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    • Posted

      By telling her it's guaranteed with her symptoms that a psychiatrist would not diagnose bipolar is you diagnosing her. Everyone experiences bipolar differently. She very well might not be bipolar, but she should go tell a psychiatrist her concerns and symptoms and let them decide. Sometimes it's hard to express exactly all the symptoms you're having. You just know something is not right.

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    • Posted

      By encouraging someone to self diagnose is incredibly dangerous, and not at all helpful to professionals. By posting here with an assumption of bipolar then not describing bipolar at all, it's prudent to state the truth. To do otherwise is wholly irresponsible. Your free to do that if you wish, but your helping noone by doing so.

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    • Posted

      I wouldn't suggest anyone to self diagnose at all. That is why I encouraged her to see a psychiatrist and to be honest about her symptoms. But I would not tell her that I guarantee a psychiatrist would not diagnose bipolar based on her symptoms. She was already afraid to tell her psychiatrist for what he might say. Now she is probably more reluctant.

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  • Posted

    I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. You really need to find a psychiatrist who will listen to you and will treat your symptoms.

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  • Posted

    Hi Martha, I'm 41 and wondering the same thing about myself (had anxiety/depression since school). I don't know where you are but I have found a very handy Mood Scale on the Bipolar UK website. According to that I appear, at different times, to either be severely or moderately/mildly depressed, at the very low end of 'balanced mood', hypomanic (not for long though!) or a mix of mildly depressed/hypomanic. So not very balanced! It might be helpful for you to look at it too.

    Also look up Bipolar 2 and cyclothymia (I have good links for those if you want to PM me). My daughter, me and my Mum all read them recently and it seems to fit us all. Bipolar 2 is more likely to be irritable hypomania than euphoric. I certainly get extremely irritable and angry out of all proportion at times. 

    Yeah, doctors hate it when you try to diagnose yourself. But like you I have already done that. I diagnosed myself with fibromyalgia and after being fobbed off by various GPs finally was referred and the rheumatologist confirmed it! However I'm still scared to mention bipolar my first psychologist appointment in a couple weeks. I'm afraid of making a complete fool of myself and just being told 'no'. I just 'feel' something isn't right though. I've had thoughts like you as well, but apart from when I was a teenager I don't think I truly believe them either...but it doesn't stop me thinking paranoid thoughts!

    Best Wishes X

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  • Posted

    I would definitely seek an appointment with a doctor who can advise you upon the symptoms you are having. But what you describe is paranoia, which for me did go with my mixed bipolar state. I've had that irritation before and I appreciate how debilitating it is. Depression is awful I'm hoping you'll find the answer.

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