please help!!! my girlfriends depression is tearing us apart!!

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My girlfriend and i have been dating for about a year and a half now, when we started out we were so in love and things were great. We started fighting and she started lying to me alot. Now she is in such a deep depression that i dont know what to do. She gets so angry at me for seemingly nothing at all and get a overwhelming anxiety along with it. She is up and down like crazy but the last 2 weeks jas been almost too much for me to handle. I love her with all my heart and it feels like all my efforts to just make her smile and be there are going unnoticed. The slightest thing will set her off into this just storm or anger amd she Says horrible mean things. Then will get over it, apologize and then loose her mind again and its getting to the point that i dont know how to handle it. I don't want to leave her but i dont know what to do.

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  • Posted

    Just a suggestion, you said that she changed after you argued a lot. One of the features of depression is that it makes you run through negative experiences over and over again in your head and makes them seem insurmountable. Also often people with depression don't have enough self-esteem to shrug off the things that are said during an argument. In fact they can make you hate yourself. It might be helpful to ask her if there's anything you said which is still upsetting her, and try to talk through it with her and reassure her. Depression distorts your thinking, so the things she says might sound crazy to you but I can assure you that to her they are very real, very logical and very painful. You'll have to be very patient and try to imagine the pain she's in. It's good that you love her and want to help and unfortunately there might be nothing you can do, either because she's too ashamed to tell you what's in her head or because the problem isn't you. It's worth trying though. I'd also recommend she goes to her GP about it. Sometimes it's hard to take that first step, and I didn't go until my boyfriend at the time said his sister had had depression, so I felt less of a failure. Good luck, I hope it helps
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  • Posted

    I also think she should see a doctor -- it could be depression or it could be a physical illness.  If you go with her it might help, as the dotor could get two versions of what's happening.  Good luck to you both.
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    • Posted

      I recently signed up for a free consultation of couples counseling. I truly think that as a woman with depression and ups and downs as well, having my very understanding boyfriend with me to explain how he see's me in my black-out rage or sadness will only make chances of a solution more possible.
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  • Posted

    One thing I'm sure of as I relate to your situation is that I also say mean things when I am enraged and lashing out my depression towards my supportive boyfriend. What I can say for that is that I find it so important to appologize for those mistakes as soon as I can. Maybe ask your girl after a situtation has calmed down if she really meant some of the things that hurt you most. It may be good to slip in somehow that if she cares for you those words can do real permanent damage to tolerant partners. It is good for my own healing as well when I know I have gotten some ridiculous thaughts off my chest and into the air where I can rationalize and appologize, and move on knowing the man that does so much to try to stay with me is appreciated, even if we are working on it.

    hope some of that may have helped and I enjoy seeing a post I could relate to.

    Good Luck

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