PLEASE HELP: My sertraline horror which is still going on
Posted , 8 users are following.
my name is emily and I'm 22 years old, from the UK, hoping someone out there can actually help or advise me, I started sertraline back 11th november 2019, wrongly prescribed by one of the GPs when I said I was having trouble sleeping and nightmares etc, no low mood at this point, I had NO issues eith my mental health but trusted my Dr as I'm only 22 and have had no knowledge of antidepressants or mental health prior to this.
I had a severe bad mental reaction to the above medication after just 3 days which resulted in me becoming suicidal and felt all of the below and still do most of it:
Dissociation
Loosing grip on reality
Numb
Like I am not even in my own body
Like I cant function or move
Like I'm not normal
Feeling like I'm living a nightmare
Trapped in my own head and trapped by what's happening
Cant be around people but petrified to be alone
No emotion except for being petrified that im going mentald
Cant get out of my own head or thoughts
Cant take my daughter out to nursery or go to work through fear of what's happening to me
Not myself
Like I look in the mirror and it's not me
Like I'm just a body not a person
Constant worry that I'm going mental
Was fine before taking sertraline
Extremely scared and upset becuase I just want to feel normal again
Completley unable to concentrate on even moving or thinking or work
Unable to concentrate on surroundings
Complete loss of appetite very unlike me
Cant ever relax without not being able to get out of my head
I feel like I need help to snap out of this
Like I'm in a blur
Like I'm in a bubble of my own thoughts and head that I cant escape from
Detached from life
All this is making me want to end it all like my partner and daughter wont be able to cope with me
Scared something bad will happen involving my mental health
Feel like my life will never be the same and wont be like real life was before this happened to me
Like my daughter and partner would be better off without me whilst this is happening to me
Guilt feelings becuase my partner is having to everything becuase I cant do anything
Scared I'm loosing myself to mental illness
Like I cant live like this
I just want to snap out of this state immediately and just have my life back to normal and I cant and its terrifying me
Guilty becuase I feel my partner will be worried and distressed to see me so not normal
Feel like I cant do anything for my partner / daughter who I love so much becuase of what sertraline has turned me into
Worried I'll lose everything I love my family and my job
Worried my partner and daughter will get fed up with me like this and wont be able to deal with it
Constantly depressed and extremely upset becuase of what's happening to me
Constantly exhausted and almost feel physically Ill
Feeling like I cant cope becuase of what's happening to me
Feeling like sleep is the only way I can escape and that I should just shut myself away from everybody until I'm better
Crying my eyes out becuase I just want to feel normal again immediately and go back to being the great strong working happy mum I used to be before monday 11th November and before its too late.
I was then put straight onto mirtazapine 15mg, along with diazepam as a GP had diagnosed me with anxiety and completley dismissed the sertraline as the cause of the symptoms I was having after taking it, I was fine for 4 weeks then when came off the diazepam and just on the mirtazepine I became extremley anxious and started to become suicidal and having really dark thoughts and was not myself and just felt like a stranger in my own life, felt like my brain was shutting down mental health wise and everything else.
I was then immediately put onto citalopram 10mg, on 18th december 2019, along with quetiapine 25mg for "anxiety" and depression, I was doing well for a couple of weeks then went downhill again and became extremley depressed again, resulting in me being signed off work again.
my dosage was upped to 20mg, and quetiapine 50mg at night to slow my anxious and suicidal thoughts which doesnt do anything at all. I was then after about a week, fine for almost 4 weeks, I became the best version of myself, calmer (I've always been quite snappy), i was genuinely happy and i found I got along with everyone better, it took alot to stress me out or worry me, this was the case for around 4 weeks, which is when I went EXTREMLEY downhill again, became extremley suicidal, contemplated taking all my pills whilst my daughter and partner wasnt here I was on my own, or moving out so my partner and 2 year old daughter dont have to deal with me anymore, as a constantly crying suicidal mess, not functioning, not sleeping, not washing, not talking, not eating etc.
it got so bad that we ended up getting our local mental health team intensive service involved becuase I so badly wanted help to not feel that way anymore as it scares me so much, as I have everything in life and absolute no reason to have depression or anxiety, i was signed off from work for another month (2.5 months in total so far), and had mental health team visiting me daily.
I saw a phsyciatrist and he upped my dosage of citalopram to 30mg, he said the reason I dipped straight back down was just down to my dosage not being high enough, I trusted this as seemed like a logical explanation and he has been a phsyciatrist for 37 years.
I was then told to take diazepam to calm down my distress over the suicidal thoughts, and help me cope until the new dosage kicked in which the phsyciatrist said to expect small improvements after a week.
I also started propranalol for the physical symptoms of anxiety, after starting the propranalol I was FINE, I was my complete normal self despite still having the mental anxiety, which I believed to be down to the dosage being upped and the propranalol, which I was taking 40mg 3x a day.
I again had 4 very good weeks where I finally thought I was better, I was mega excited to go back to work, I was happy again, I finally truly believed that it was all behind me, I expected to have a bad day here and there but I didnt care as I finally felt better.
then last Sunday I started to get the burning sensation in my chest again, almost exactly 5 weeks after my dosage was upped and 3 - 4 weeks after I had started to feel better, I didnt panic too much, as I thought that it may just be abit of a blip and tried my hardest to convince myself that this didnt mean I was going to become really unwell again.
so i went back to work tuesday as planned despite me feeling and noticing I was spiralling again, and tried my hardest to just get on with it, this didnt work and now I have came massively crashing down again, I have called MH team and GP who both said take 1 extra propranalol and diazepam twice a day for couple of days, which I've done this week and I'm no better and back to square one of being suicidal and basically non functioning again and scared, lost and alone, fearing I'm going to have to quit my job, feeling disconnected from the world around me, not myself again, trapped in my own head and frustrated, extremley upset, feeling like I've let down my employer and my partner and little girl as although I cant help it and am trying my hardest, they simply do not deserve to have to deal with my mental health declining like this every 4 weeks, it's like I get a glimpse of my life back then snatched back away and to say I'm heartbroken is an understatement, I'm not eating, not sleeping and barley functioning again, and unable to concentrate which means I'll have to be signed off again and I'm actually contemplating having to quit my job that I loved so so much.
I guess what I'm asking is what the hell do I do now? do I stay with citalopram 30mg, do I change completley to another medication? I'm so lost and alone and my partner is getting frustrated aswell I just dont know what to do as I cant go on much longer with this I feel so detached from everyone and everything am crying multiple times a day becuase I cant live like this it's like my personality is gone when am like this I'm like an empty shell, not taking care of myself properly, not eating, not sleeping, waking up feeling horrible and dreading another day, cant show love or affection to my partner or daughter, can hardly talk to them that much, all I want is my life back, as currently my life is disappearing before my eyes, I'll end up having to quit my job, I've even debated leaving my daughter and partner and moving out so they dont have to go through this with me, is there anyone out there who has had a similar reaction to sertraline who came out the other side?ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
0 likes, 15 replies
annie56693 emilyroma98
Edited
hi lovely. your story is heartbreaking. I have little experience on this, as I was put on Sertraline for problems sleeping but stopped after a few days because they made me feel low and totally unable to sleep with bad thoughts.
There will be others that will come on here to better support your situation as they will have had similar experiences, but I just wanted to say, please hang on in there. Let your doctors know exactly how you are feeling. You know this is not the real you, and there will be a way back to the real you.
Believe me, your family and friends would want you to open up and talk to them. However much you think you are hurting them they would be devastated if you left, or harmed yourself. please reach out and get the help you need. I hope someone on here will be able to give you some helpful advice and support. sending much love and luck. Annie xxxx
emilyroma98 annie56693
Posted
I just really dont know what to do as all this has and still is ruining my life ðŸ˜
kelly53974 emilyroma98
Edited
It gets worse before it gets better! When I first started out on Sertraline back in July 2019 I did not feel anxious or depressed but I was having shortness of breath.. I remember the first week or so was horrid.. I have never been suicidal, but I had the same feelings you are talking about.. hang in there and remind yourself, this is not coming from you, but the medication and it WILL pass.. this medicine takes a lot longer to work than most, but it does work!! Best of luck!! Hang in there, you will get back to normal, it just takes time..
emilyroma98 kelly53974
Posted
I havent taken sertraline since 11th november when I had this reaction its ruined my life and as you can see above I've tried 2 other antidepressants since
Guest emilyroma98
Edited
i feel like sertraline ruined my life as well!! Like you i didnt have depression in 2010, i just had a little anxiety about going to the dentist and i needed extensive several dental appts to keep. Was put on sertraline one week into i became agoraphobic!!! i was too terrified to leave my house, i became nauseated constantly, lost my sense of taste, had sleep paralysis, insomnia, bad headaches, loss of appetite, suicidal thoughts and major depression! Over the years the dr would continually make me try sertraline stating it was my mental issue causing my symptoms not the sertraline. Finally two years ago i said enough and i left the antidepressants alone!! I have still suffered from all those symptoms i mentioned ever since but here recently i feel like im starting to come out of it! I mean i still have bad days but i have to say its letting up! Maybe finally leaving that nasty crap alone that messed up my brain has given me a chance to reset, and no i am not taking special meds, herbs, c b d oil, no therapy....i just do yoga and take b vitamins, zinc and magnesium. I hope you can get through this but i just wanted to tell you that i was normal BEFORE sertraline so it DID cause it no matter what the drs say. My taste is finally returning too thank goodness
emilyroma98 Guest
Posted
I've been on citalopram since and have had periods where I've felt completley normal, my GP is now trying to make me try venlafaxine which apparently is the worst of all, I dont know what to do ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Guest emilyroma98
Posted
oh gosh im so sorry... i dont know much about that one ive never tried it before. It would be awesome if there was a magic pill with no side effects that could make you feel like you did during the best time of your life wouldnt it. In my teens and 20s i felt so happy to be alive...i enjoyed food, doing things even going shopping....now i feel like a zombie, nothing feels good about being alive. But as i said mine is letting up a little but nowhere near where i was before the antidepressant
emilyroma98 Guest
Edited
the Dr now wants me to try venlafaxine but all this has gone on for so long already, I'm borderline suicidal
Sky1983 emilyroma98
Edited
Hi there. First off, please hang in there. Dont kill yourself. Your partner and daughter would be absolutely devastated. I understand a lot of what you're going through. In May of 2018, I suddenly came down with debilitating anxiety. Was totally good in life and then one day BAM!... I called in to work for about a week and I had no clue why. I was in a brain fog. Trapped inside my head, with no escape. I was constantly scared. So scared. Physical symptoms too. Nightmare....And like you I was a happy girl with a husband and 2 kids. i didnt know what was wrong with me. I had just turned 35, so maybe it was hormones? No clue. Anyway, sertraline did actually help me a lot. Been on it for over a year now. And I am so sorry that it gave you this s**t show.
So now I want to give you some advice. First off, I know you feel guilty that you're putting your family through this. And that they don't deserve it. Well guess what? You dont deserve this either! You're sick honey. You're not doing anything on purpose. It's so hard for our partners to understand sometimes. Its because they don't get it. Only people that have been through it are the ones that truly get it. Now, it took me 8 months before I finally took the sertraline my doc gave me. And during those 8 months running was my saving grace. Go exercise girl. Force yourself. Let that serotonin flow thru your brain. Because right now your brain has a chemical imbalance. And as far as exercise goes, nothing gets your heart rate up like running does. I also tried the elliptical and swimming, but nothing was the same as running. My other advice is to stay on your meds. It may just need longer to work. And you know it can. You've seen it work. Just dont give up. Because I promise you, this is temporary. Dont read that someone else never felt the same ever again and think that's gonna be you. Everyone is different. You're gonna be ok. Talk to your partner. Tell him everything you told us, if you havent already. And go get that run while your meds are adjusting. And the meds will adjust.. The thing you also have going is you are young. Just 22. You're a baby. Your brain and your body/self has the capability of healing and growing way more so than someone who is older. I repeat, this is temporary. You will NOT feel like this forever. As my mom always tells me- This too shall pass. Sending you love, strength, courage, and friendship. You will be ok darling.
emilyroma98
Posted
@sam18386
sam18386 emilyroma98
Posted
hi Emily, oh my goodness! you've had a nightmare! what are you going to do? i refuse ANY antidepressants now, i react to so much medication, everywhere you turn that's what doctor's say because it's cheaper to offer drugs. the last lot i had made me hallucinate, i have had issues with blood pressure with them - the drugs have dropped my blood pressure so low i fell with the last lot! i now have an awful dilemma because i have had sciatica for over a year that's getting worse, now i don't know what to do? these bloody doctor's and their damn drugs. i would like an injection or something. the other problem i have is with swallowing medication, i throw it back up! i get really upset when i speak to my doctor's, i have done awful damage to the nerve in my back. i have tried physio and some different medicines but i still react. i think at your stage you need to make a weighty complaint to your practice manager. i wish you luck, keep us updated....
emilyroma98 sam18386
Posted
the thing is, making a complaint wont change or make me any better, i feel like a lost cause 😫
MILAO emilyroma98
Edited
I just read your whole story! I am 24 Female from UK too. I was put on Sertraline and nearly jumped out of a Hospital Window because it made me suicidal within 5 days of taking it. Ended up calling Paramedics out 3 times in 5 days because I honestly was losing my mind mentally and my body physically! I had never been in such a state in all my life and nobody understood or even believed me that it was the tablets, kept being told it was all in my "head".
Are you still on meds? I quit cold turkey after 7 days. Took me around 3 weeks after stopping them to feel somewhat "normal" again!
emilyroma98 MILAO
Posted
i never had MH issues to start with, so, as you can see after sertraline i was so scared i just believed i needed meds to snap me out of it and was prescribed mirtazepine, and that was as bad so was then given citalopram which i took for 7 months, each month i would go downhill, leading me to believe it was due to periods, weaned off citalopram and have been completely off for 7 weeks, also weaning off quetiapine (an antiphsycotic) and 1 week left on it. this week has been quite bad... its been a long 10 months and im just so so so fed up i just want my life back ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
sam18386 emilyroma98
Posted
no. you're stronger than this. fight. make your point otherwise what will change? good luck. x