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I persuaded myself to start the medication because of a severe depression and obsessive thoughts, and was taking it for almost 10 months. When I started, I was 17.5 years old. As my doctor prescribed, the first week I was taking 10mg (1/2 a 20mg pill), then increased up to 20mg (1 pill) and it was my regular dosage on a daily basis. Although the doctor claimed that several months would be enough, I insisted that I needed more. Sometimes during the treatment I was taking 30mg and up to 40mg in a week when the obsessive thoughts seemed to return and get worse, but the main dosage was 20mg. I ended the course by reducing the dosage at first by 10mg (1/2 a pill) for a month and then by 5mg (1/4 a pill) for the last month, so I cut it down evenly. Also I was taking it every day at the same time with no alcohol, so I did everything as prescribed.
But by the end of the 8th month I started to realize that it was hard to retrieve old memories by listening to music, looking at photographs or simply trying to remember anything about the past, which earlier could be done easily. And during the 9th month or so my current condition has developed - I feel myself lost, I have no idea what I should do, but most importantly I seem to have ceased thinking. Not long ago it was a habitual thing of mine to think about anything before falling asleep or during the daytime, as well as dreaming and imagining. Now I don't. Moreover, I quite blurry remember what was happening during the course and even now, though I ended it like 4 months ago. And once again, I seem to have lost myself, my personality and individuality, can't get pleasure from the things I used to like and FEEL them, also I have low libido. So basically I started to change (in a bad way) after 6 moths of taking the medicine.
Now I'm really afraid about this condition. I regret taking the medicine and will never do again, but I have only one question: can these changes be considered as side effects and are they going to be constant? As I said, the last pill was taken 4 months ago, but I still feel pinned down and depressed, having no idea of what's going on and what I should do, although the medication helped me to partially get rid of the obsession which persuaded me to start the course.
Could I have any tips and ideas about all this? Am I going to be all right or am I wasted forever as a person? Thank you for your replies.
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