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Please help...trying to help my dear husband .

Posted , 5 users are following.

millyimp_1322
millyimp_1322

This is on behalf of how to help my dear husband.I am at a loss now as to how to motivate him to help himself. He is just so tired and wanting to sleep all the time,and very weak. I have tried my best to gently motivate him ,a couple of times he has responded and done what I asked. At the moment of writing he is again sleeping on the settee,having done this since morning.

I will explain ,He has COPD , and 2 weeks ago he got a chest infection,which seemed to have cleared with tablets from Dr . Then on new years eve afternoon he had a nasty fall in the loft.Was taken by paramedics to our local hospital where he had lots of tests,fortunately he hadnt broken his hip {as he had thought } no bones were broken,even so he was in excruciating pain .Tablets were given and seemed to be starting to work. Then he got what he thought was a tummy upset ,last Thursday ,from then he has gone down hill .I got the Dr out again yesterday {friday6th Jan } she examined him .and gave him more tablets. But all day yesterday and again most of today all he wants to do is to sleep. The tablets have made him confused .I am now at my wits end it is heartbreaking seeing him seem to lose any interest in wanting to get his health back. I myself have breast cancer and finding it harder than I was to be strong .and feeling very emotional .I have always dealt with the cancer very well, but not dealing as well with my husband`s problem. I dont feel it would do any good to see Dr again ,seeing it was only yesterday. Please please can anyone relate to my situation ,and advise me on how best to help. He seems so reluctant to do as Dr suggested ,ie move around more ...as I said he is in extreme pain ,so understandably not wanting to move,but knows he has to otherwise he will stiffen up and it will be worse for him. Lost his appetite and doesnt want anything to eat ..I managed to get him to small bits of bits of food .But he will only get weaker if not eating .

I must add he is 85 years old and I am 80 years old.

I await replies from all who feel they are able to be of constructive help.

My family are all very supportive ,but some are saying I may have to be hard on him ,I cannot do this he is such a gentle man normally,so I feel the best way is to gently coax him rather than to be hadr {not in my nature}I did say to him this morning I am not pushing you ,but he replied you are pushing me .

So I await any postings from those in a similar postion who feel they can offer me their advice.

Best Regards

Lorretta Mclaren

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • patricia_11100
    patricia_11100 millyimp_1322

    Posted

    Dear Lorreta

    I'm so sorry your going through all of this. In my opinion I feel that other family members if possible should be helping you. Even if they came for a visit and got your husband talking and maybe laughing. It would help ease your burden as well. Maybe the medication is making him want to sleep. Hope all gets better.

    ??

    • millyimp_1322
      millyimp_1322 patricia_11100

      Posted

      Dear Patricia,

      Many thanks for your welcome reply.My family are very supportive already,I couldnt ask for more. Friends live a good way away from us so not able to visit.One couple who did manage to come are of the opinion I should be hard on him ,as it is he feels I am pushing him ,and wants to be left to as he put it today {recover in his own way }.

      Thank you again for replying Patricia.

      xx

  • pauline91
    pauline91 millyimp_1322

    Posted

    Hello please don t  tell your     husband   off,that would be the worst thing you could do,I have an illness and I am 69 but when I take my tabletsI just fall asleep,most of the time I have no energy,the all of a sudden l get my energy back,but if I do to much,it goes again.the best thing to do is ask him how he feels .your sincerely Pauline Humphreys
    • millyimp_1322
      millyimp_1322 pauline91

      Posted

      Dear Pauline,

      Many thanks for your kind reply and kind words.I do try hard not to tell him off {as you put it}.I try to encourage him to move in a gentle and caring manner.Sometimes this doesnt help at all, But it has today begun to help him realise if he just sits al day ,it will make matters much worse,so today credit to him he is trying a bit .I am glad to see you have the same problem with your tablet taking. I dont mean I am glad you have ahealth problem .Take Care

      Lorretta

      xx

  • lyn1951
    lyn1951 millyimp_1322

    Posted

    If your husband has been given more than 5mg of morphine like tablet for pain, it will make him sleepy, oxycodine, endone, targin, are all in the list of morphine like tablets, they will also make him horribly constipated, orange juice, lots of fluids to help things move along.

    I was given 5mg of endone for a ruptered disc, tremedous pain down left leg and buttock, didn't want to move at all just too painful, but that was the worse thing not moving, only made me worse.

    Finally found that floating in a heated swimming pool with a noodle under my arms to help stretch me out was a wonderful help, still go to the pool, and using the deep water to move and simply tread water, have since been assessed by a physio, very impressed with my self treatment, and she said just keep doing it, it is helping with strength and slowly building strength.

    Best wishes, very difficult time for you not being well yourself.

    • millyimp_1322
      millyimp_1322 lyn1951

      Posted

      Dear Lyn,

      Many thanks for your kind reply and information.

      The tablets were making him very confused ,he has now been taken off them and is on another tablet for pain and also for COPD. Both Dr`s have told him he only makes it worse for himself if he remains just sitting .He knows this ,and sadly just seemed to look at me with no interest in getting well again.Of course this did hurt me ,as I am doing everything I am able to do in order to help him.I try to encourage him in what he needs to do ,but in a very gentle way .Last night he began to show he is responding ,this along with getting back his appetite in part.is a good sign .Take Care  Lorretta xx

  • kristyk
    kristyk millyimp_1322

    Posted

    Hi, I have had a very similar situation happen. I love my husband dearly. I personally suffer from my own medical issues that are very painful but thats not what we are discussing. My husband being about as sick as yours. He stopped telling his jokes and laughing. He was always quicked witted with his great sense of humor. Like anyone who becomes very ill, he began to be so sad. He never smiled and just wanted to put his head under the covers. He was depressed. Who wouldnt be? I spoke to his doctor and he agreed. The doctor talked to my husband about his recommendation. He prescribed antidepresants. What a change. He started smiling laughing, and enjoying things again. Although he is sick he can now also be happy. The last years of his life will now be what he wants and deserves. We are sharing times together that will be special memories for each of us. God bless.kristyk
    • millyimp_1322
      millyimp_1322 kristyk

      Posted

      Hello Kristyk,

      Many thanks for your so welcome reply.It is so hard isnt it?.But we love thse peole we love and would do anything to help them get better again.I am sorry about your problems and those of your Husbandtoo. Glad he is becoming more like himself again. I am hoping this will be the case with my dear husband too.The last 3 days have begun to be more promising wherby he is starting to get some of his appetite back,and is now yesterday and to beginning to get up from the settee and use his zimmer frame.I admire him for doing this ,as he has been told by the Drs he has to get up and move around ,sitting on the settee all day will only make it worse for him.He knows all this ,but is reluctant to move knowing it will hurt.I too have my own medical health problems ,which as you will know only too well doesn``t help when having to do everything on your own Kristyk.I tell him I am proud of him and praise him for trying .I will think about him possibly being depressed and ask him whether he thinks he is or not.He would not appreciate me going to the Dr about this and him not knowing I was going to do is .But it is a possibility. I am glad it is going well for you and your husband now.

       God Bless you & your Husband

      Lorretta

      xx

       

    • millyimp_1322
      millyimp_1322

      Posted

      Hello Kristyk,

      Just to say after reading your posting about depression and your Husband,I quietly asked my Husband if he was depressed ,he thought a few minutes then said NO .I asked again did he FEEL depressed and again he replied NO.He says he is just very tired,with the sever pain now discomfort.He is now trying to move around and doing it well. So, I feel maybe now we have turned the proverbial corner,and on the way back to his former good health.

      I hope you are not suffering too much with your own problems Kristyk,and that your Husband is also doing well. Take Care

      Love

      Lorretta

      xx

       

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