Please keep going, hope with Citalopram.

2 years ago in my long history with mental health battles (been on different AD's) I started Citalopram.  At the time I was at an all time low.  I was suffering horrendous panic attacks and worse the anxiety and depression.  My heart was racing constantly, work was a disaster and I had lost all sense of myself and my confidence.  I had tried a private therapist but it was going nowhere fast and I found myself thinking I would be better off not here on this earth.

I started 10mg of Citalopram and the side effects were not pleasant at first.  Increased anxiety to the point where I was shaking and I remember my daughter was on hols from school but I had to get out and walk by myself and leave here here, it was the only way to quash my anxiety.  It was a very slow process, it was end of May when I started the Citalopram and I made the jump to 20mg fairly fast.  By August I could go on a weekend away albeit I was still quite anxious but I kind of enjoyed it. 

Over a period of time the Citalopram has made me more rational and enabled me to view my problems and life in a different aspect.  Fast forward to 2 years and I have been promoted at work to a manager in the NHS trust in the UK which is something I NEVER thought I would be capable of because my damanged mind told me so.  Yes I still have the odd moment of self doubt, of anxiety etc but I cannot quite believe I am here now.  Don't get me wrong I am very aware that without these tablets it could go wrong because at my core I know my brain, for some reason or other, doesnt' work quite right without medication.

I just want to tell you all please have hope, I know you are in a horrid place because I was too, but there is hope.  Please keep carrying on with your medication route because it DOES work, despite the side effects, despite your self doubt, despite the voices in your head telling you otherwise.

Louise x

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