1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Alcohol Consumption

Please need aduse

Posted , 8 users are following.

sandy_so_sad
sandy_so_sad

First of all I'm not here to judge I would just like some advise.

My partner has just left me after 20 years . He drink 4-6 cans of beer everyday and sometimes tops that up with a bottle wine

I consider this as being a alcholic he does not. Am I wrong?

He got into financial trouble and started drinking more. Then 3 weeks ago said he doesn't love me and left me and our daughter.

Does he mean this should I fight for him or let him go? He has never been violent always kind and loving. So I washould shocked when he left.

1 like, 19 replies

19 Replies

  • virginia62747
    virginia62747 sandy_so_sad

    Posted

    Hello' Sometimes alcohol takes over some people and they don't realize how it affects people around them because it's all about them,I know I grew up with a parent who drank and a close uncle and now my three sons, they don't think about anything else but the alcohol and it's sad because they start to lose so much of who they really are so I can relate to what your going through I wish u luck and if u need to talk iam here......my name is Gina

  • deb87803
    deb87803 sandy_so_sad

    Posted

    All alcoholic drink different amounts it when they can't do without it becomes a problem for you and him. Do you love me? He needs your support more then anything. My boyfriend was 5 year sober after 3 times in fell off. This summer he thought he could drink again for the "fun of it"....I knew this was a down hill slop but he needed find this out again. First 3 mos all is good only drinking maybe two three times a week and not a lot things then just went down hill 12 days ago he was drinking 15/18 beers a day drinking,sleeping,drinking, sleeping oh and smoking. I ask him please for himself to go get help that night I came home a from work and he said please help me we went to the dr got some rx and are now again 12 days sober haven't been easy...and he back to work, eating he lost 25lbs in the last 6 weeks so please try to help but he needs to help himself. Remember God is good

    • sandy_so_sad
      sandy_so_sad deb87803

      Posted

      I wish I could help him but he left and said he doesn't love me anymore. His seen his daughter once. He had lost loads of weight .

      I would love him to come but he doesn't phone or text me. should I leave him alone?Does he love me or is it cause he loves drinking more? I'm confused.

  • sandy_so_sad
    sandy_so_sad

    Posted

    I kinda need my questions answered so I can move on.
    • JulieAnne101
      JulieAnne101 sandy_so_sad

      Posted

      Hi Sandy. I am so sad for you. No one will have the perfect answer, as we are all individuals. However, it would seem from what you are saying-the increasing amounts of alcohol intake and weight loss, that your Husband is in the grip of a binge. He is probably not thinking straight right now.

      I don't know your Husband, you do, but please be aware that AUD Alcohol Use Disorder, can completey change someone's personality. You need to do some research and also speak to your gp. You may then be able to reach out to your Husband with better understanding of this debilitating condition, if that is what you want to do. My Husband has AUD too.

      Hope this helps

      Kind Regards

      JulieAnne

    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 JulieAnne101

      Posted

      Hey Jules, if anyone can assist our new friend, you can x

      Sandy, hi and welcome, yes you will get your questions answered on here.

      Keep strong and keep posting.

    • sharon7979
      sharon7979 sandy_so_sad

      Posted

      i have aud, its the most horrible thing and i know that sometimes i  am not thinking the same way that lots of people do regarding alcohol. It does play with your mind. It is not normal to hide drink, drink every day or do it above all else. Put it this way...if he didnt have a problem why wouldnt he just have stopped when he know it was upsetting you so much? From what i know from personal experience and from the damage it has done it my family, different things work for different people. He may not be at the point tho where he truely has accepted that he has a problem. Although deep inside be prob does. If you love him enough to keep trying then do this because eventually he may start to talk to you. The road is long, it may not work first time if he gets help, but as long as he wants it i have to believe (and even tell myself ) that he can change. Its so hard for you i imagine as you will never (thats a good thing in way) see it through his eyes. I would say that maybe you should try a little longer tho if he means so much to you.
    • sandy_so_sad
      sandy_so_sad sharon7979

      Posted

      Hi sharon

      I do want him to come back home.we've talk on the phone and for the first time his admitted to drinking 10 beers a night.

      He said he does crave beer during the day

      He claims to be depressed and anxious and having shakes with nausea. I don't know if his lying though.

      He still want say if he misses or loves me.

      He won't phone his daughter. He won't help with money. He did say he put money in the bank for me but he lied.

      Not sure how to fight for him.

    • deb87803
      deb87803 sandy_so_sad

      Posted

      Don't fight him...it makes things worse this is his problem not you or your daughter if u can stand by him and give him love and support but if he doesn't respond to u it might be time to move on but try to leave the door open. I know what a hard place you are in. I wish you God love and prayers

  • PaulJTurner1964
    PaulJTurner1964 sandy_so_sad

    Posted

    Sandy, it's impossible for any of us to know what your partner is thinking without knowing him. However, some people who are in difficulty with alcohol will do anything to get to be alone so that they can drink more without being questioned or challenged about it. Alcohol Use Disorder can make a person care ONLY about drinking to satisfy the horrendous cravings and, as they drink more and build tolerance, they need more. There is a possibility that he just wants to get away from everybody so that he can drink.

    If this IS the case, he is obviously heading for serious problems and needs to realise, at some point, that he has to do something about his problem.

    None of us can guess what his reasons are for doing what he has done but, while relationships go wrong and people can fall out of love, it is not common for a person to just stop loving their child, so that suggests that there is more to this than the simple breakdown of a relationship. I think the only thing you can do at the moment is let him know you are there if he needs you. If it IS just the need to drink without being disturbed, he will eventually realise what he is doing.

    I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through this.

    • sandy_so_sad
      sandy_so_sad PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      Thank you Paul.

      I'm really shocked that he's not contacted his daughter. He would give his right hand for her as he would say .

      As I said drink and his own financial pressure may of cause him to leave.

      I thought he may just be reflecting his own self hatred on me..

      He's always been good to me no violence. I thought we adore each..

      Now I'm sorting out my finances, looking for somewhere else to live. I am I rushing things myself?

      I'm not a drinker so I don't get it but I don't judge those who do.

    • JulieAnne101
      JulieAnne101 sandy_so_sad

      Posted

      'Now I'm sorting out my finances, looking for somewhere else to live. I am I rushing things myself?

      Hi Sandy. It all depends if you want to save your marriage. If you do, be prepared for a bumpy ride. I thought my Husband was worth it. You must do to, if you adored each other.

      I know you must be feeling very hurt right now, you feel that you are second best to a bottle of booze. It seems he has chosen to drink instead of staying with you. I say seems, because in reality he hasn't made a conscious choice

    • sandy_so_sad
      sandy_so_sad JulieAnne101

      Posted

      Hi Julie I'm just worried he may regret it and hasnt got the guts to tell me. He hasn't phoned or come round so how can I support him

      I think I'm rushing to protect myself from further hurt.

      I'm confused I absolutely adore him he was so kind and loving and never hurt me

      Until he left me.

    • JulieAnne101
      JulieAnne101 sandy_so_sad

      Posted

      I feel that the person that adored you is still there. When my husband was drinking really heavily he said some very hurtful things.

      When he sobered up, he couldn't remember anything. The point I am making is that it's probably the alcohol that is making him act this way. Listen to what Paul Turner has said to you, he has a lot of experience where AUD is concerned.

      Is there not any way you can get hold of him at all? Work place, friends, relatives?

    • sandy_so_sad
      sandy_so_sad JulieAnne101

      Posted

      No he didn't tell me where he was going. He told me the next day after his drinking binge he didn't love me so I guess I have to except it..

    • JulieAnne101
      JulieAnne101 sandy_so_sad

      Posted

      If you dont have any way of finding him then I guess you may have to accept it, for now.

      If you feel as tho you have to move, try and keep communication open, leave a forwarding address. As Paul has suggested, he will need to realise eventually that he cannot continue on this path. My husband did the same thing, but I managed to find him, and I made a pest of myself, but he couldn't do much to fight back because he was in a very bad way.

      I do hope he will realise soon, what he is losing xx thinking of you xx

    • sandy_so_sad
      sandy_so_sad JulieAnne101

      Posted

      Hi i just wanted to wanted to do an update he came to see his daughter. He didn't show no emotions and has since phoned me twice but still only talks about himself and his debts.

      What should I make of this. I didn't know what to say.

    • JulieAnne101
      JulieAnne101 sandy_so_sad

      Posted

      Have you asked him what he wants to do now? Any debts he has incurred since he left you are his own

      Regards

      JulieAnne

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.