Please read this and know that I am not trying to be hateful.

Posted , 19 users are following.

I have been using this website for a little over 2 years. and I've learned a lot from this specific group. I would not be where I am today had I not had this group to help me out. there are a couple of things that really tick me off and I know I'm going to make some enemies by saying this but by the same token I feel like some people are doing this without realizing it's wrong to do.

it is not right for you to "kidnap" someone else's thread. what I mean by that is that there are people, some of the same people that will ask a question about themselves on another person's thread. this is not the place to do that. if you have questions you should start your own thread. it's not only impolite to interrupt somebody else's thread with your own problems and questions, and you will get so many more responses if you start your own thread. This thread should be all about the person asking the first original question/concern. it should not be interrupted with someone else's problems/questions. I recently had to unfollow my own thread because it had gotten so out of hand and it had gone off in an entirely different direction so it was no longer about me and my questions. I tried to wait it out but it was still getting responses a month out from the original question I had.

my second complaint really is not quite the same as the first thing I mentioned. I see so many people that will respond to the question posted by telling their own story . I do understand that sometimes our own story is similar to the person who started the thread and in that case I can understand wanting to touch on some details of your own story so that the author of the thread can relate it to their own problems . but that's just it, a few little details should be all . The person posting the thread is looking for help. to show true compassion and understanding I think a responder should keep their comments to 90% about the person that started the thread and only 10% about you. I am just as guilty of doing this myself. and yes, the person who started the thread probably will feel better knowing someone else is there experiencing the same thing they are but... I think we can do that without giving every vivid detail of your own story.

so having posted this I'm guessing I'll probably make some enemies or at least make a few people mad at me. And that was never my intent . I mean this in the best possible sense . I just think that we could all use some reminders of the way to talk online in these groups .

Thank you for reading this rather long post.

1 like, 72 replies

72 Replies

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  • Posted

    Hi amkoffee

    Thank you for your post.

    It would be helpful if you could point out the discussion and who these folk are. They may not realise they are 'kidnapping' a discussion with their own problems. If i am one of them i would like to know so i can rectify it...and if i am, i am truly sorry for my intrusion .......good thoughts your way...

  • Posted

    First if I'm one of the guilty I apologise and I do agree that too much digression just causes confusion but in mitigation I think what happens sometimes is that we think we are in a real life conversation but, of course, without all the clues that would be there if we could see each other and the timing gets distorted and responses become detached as they would not if we were in a room together. Really, if you think about it, that is a compliment in a way. We are real to each other and a big part of the comfort of the forum is we know we are not alone.

    Blessed are the Peacemakers so I hope you don't get the response you anticipate.

  • Posted

    guilty as charged. i think its that we're all so desperate for help that we immediately jump into a conversation hoping for answers--you read a reply and it triggers something you hadnt thought of, or you want more information about that response or maybe (at least for me), you might not remember the issue it raised 5 seconds later. based on your post, i promise to try to do better. if i commandeer another of your posts 3 days from now, remind me again. i wont be offended. wishing you the best!

    • Posted

      I completely agree with everyone else's response. if I've done this, please except my apologies....sometimes it's confusing cuz of how we (or me!) receive these notifications! after awhile, you almost Forget what you're responding to, and think you're responding to the latest post just before you...(does that make sense??)...in any case, I'll try to figure this out and be more mindful of my responses!

      take care amk!😘

  • Posted

    I think I did it recently because I was not receiving any emails though I did eventually manage to start a new thread to alert to this fact. I was stuck and didn't know what to do. I also think it's difficult for new people starting out especially if they are like me and a bit of a technophobe.

  • Posted

    Thank you for posting rules and regs to follow ethically. Let’s hope your reminder to all of us will have good effect and I really don’t think anybody will be mad at you!

  • Posted

    I agree amkoffee. It would be much easier to learn from the responses to posts if they didn't go off at such tangents. Thank you for pointing this out.

    • Posted

      But some remarkable discoveries are down to someone going off at a tangent, chance remarks sparking insights and revelations

      Inspiration, Imagination, Intuition.

      Let's not hobble ourselves in the desire to keep things over tidy.

    • Posted

      I think the issue is introduction of a completely new problem. I like to read how others deal with similar situations to original poster - think this is productive. And sometimes the trail which started out as an honest contribution to general knowledge about the question meanders into a tangent and the original point gets lost.

    • Posted

      I second that Anhaga...I too like hearing of others experiences (as long as it stays "relatively" close to original post).

      I think that's how we learn and I, for one, certainly benefit!

  • Posted

    I think I'm guilty on both counts - apologies!

    Although re point 2 - I personally like to hear other people's stories - it's good to hear how the illness and/or meds affect people differently; but I'll endeavour to not talk about myself in future, unless I start a post.

  • Posted

    From reading the responses I can see nobody's terribly offended of me saying these things . And I'm not saying it because it's happened to me and bothered me with the exception of the one time I mentioned. but I see it on other people's posts and I didn't want to mention names because I don't think that would be appropriate here. So you really don't owe me an apology. BettyE I do like my environment clean and tidy and in order, I am guilty of that.

    • Posted

      I do, too; in fact I sometimes think I must watch myself and not turn into a control freak.

      My clothes are all folded and put away in the right drawers and hang in the right cupboards, my books are all arranged so that I can find them easily, ditto my music. The edges of the grass are cut......BUT I have clothes that I still like to wear that are beyond retro, I still have my old school and college books and no plant is discarded until it is clearly beyond hope.

      So you can see why I am tempted to digress. Must try harder as I never wrote in any child's book!

    • Posted

      I even have different coloured hangers fir different types if clothes!

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