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Positive HSV Male advise please..

Posted , 5 users are following.

Woman50ish
Woman50ish

Any advise from positve Male's would be welcome. 1) I'm HSV 2 positive have been 15 years and on Valacyclovir daily. 2) I held back from sex with 1st man (recently divorced) so that he could take time with making a decision following my disclosure of HSV 2 to either move forward or not to in having sex with me. 3) He choose to move forward. 4) Sadly our 1st encounter was bitter sweet. Condom broke and I gave oral 1 x. -We understood the risk.. Or so I thought he did.. His afterthought turned to months of panick. Our relationship suffers.. He went for reapat testing over 6 months. He recently had IgG positive result for HSV1. (Im a bit Baffled) with this because I tested IgG positive only for HSV2. Each of us had both tests. He's been honest about coping with his diagnosis.. And has withdrawn from any physical dates with me (this after our 1st time and for months we had sex fully clothed). He still suggests having interaction with me- this until he figures out how ..just needs time..ok.. I get it.. My question is and I believe he's a distancer in the first place with a desire for me.. How do I respond the withdrawal and less frequent communications and welcome of text flirtation only..? What phases do you go through from a male perspective in acceptance? Trying to wrap my head around this while being redpectful and also devastated by the out come? Any male advice?

0 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • Koolredd
    Koolredd Woman50ish

    Posted

    I'm not a man .. But I can tell you that the way my boyfriend reacted is different he was more so hurt then anything .. But I guess the difference here is that he hasn't gotten diagnosed with it , since we found out that I have hsv type 2 .. We have been highly careful . And my main fear is him catching it some way and that just completely Messes up our relationship .,, that would kill me ,

    But at the same time it's a risk that you take when you decide to get involved with someone who is hsv positive in any way ..

    And trying to move on and start a new relationship is out of the question .

    It's crazy because like you said he knew what he was getting involved with when he got Invovled with you so why is he acting like this ?

    • Woman50ish
      Woman50ish Koolredd

      Posted

      I truly believe he is in the upsetting reality and acceptance stage of the diagnosis.. ..which I can understand.. Not once has he placed blame. Feel bad I know he cares for me. I posed the question to males.. Trying to understand phases of acceptance for a man who took the risk. Tough on me to

      .

  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus Woman50ish

    Posted

    Did you ever see his positive results? What was the score? Either way, IgG is not as accurate for hsv1, with a 25% false negative rate. It could either have been missed in him or you. If he hasn't had any symptoms yet, he should honestly get a grip, lol. It's only hsv1 and he might have it orally, if he's had no genital symptoms.

    Sounds like he's one of those types who says it's okay, then goes ahead, but realises it's not really okay. If he has been fretting, testing frequently and acting more distant since your very first time, and if that was months ago, that is a huge red flag, I doubt he'll ever come around, and I would honestly step back.

    Tell him you like him lots, but clearly he's not okay with things, so ciao. If he is okay, then tell him he needs to act like it. A bit of tough talk will make a fence-sitter get off on one side or the other!

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus

      Posted

      P.S. I'm not a guy, sorry! There aren't actually too many guys active on this forum. Mostly women.
    • Woman50ish
      Woman50ish FelizCastus

      Posted

      Bravo! He had IgG testing for both only HSV1 positive .65 for him....After the first time we've had sex (July) the rest he remained..fully clothed. Hand to hand no kissing..He has not had a break out....August he got huge in both sides of his groin area..rash that would not go away. Drs cld not explain that. .. It would not go away through Oct. Not blisters.. We were swimming and going into saunas.. These results are 6 mos. after our original 1 time exposure. He kept me in good company through out until he got result Dec 18 th. Loves playing seems to have enjoyed my company.. Immediately he valled and asked me to test..So I did.. Only the HSV2 positive mine was 5.0.. He doesn't want to talk says he's trying to figure it out in his head.. I think depression? But darn it he still wants to play by phone, light talk fun pics.. seems like encouragement of my interaction.. But over these last few weeks he now checks and responds every two days. I'm kinda sick over it he also knows this.. So we've kept it light. I may strum up the courage to say what you've suggested..but something keeps telling me. Hold on till he does.. He's been very honest just withdrawn.. Isn't that normal.. OMG thank you for your responses..I need this support..
    • Woman50ish
      Woman50ish FelizCastus

      Posted

      This is my first time having the talk doing everything I was supposed to..I get iv done nothing wrong but I feel for what he's going through. Told he I not comfortable.. Asked if he wanted me to withdraw he said my interaction is welcome and appreciated.. Not one call or date since. Heart broken..
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus Woman50ish

      Posted

      I get where you're coming from, and him, but many guys do the slow/quick fade even without H involved! My experience anyway, lol. You definitely didn't do anything wrong, but he's unfortunately not comfortable with things, from the sounds of it.
    • Woman50ish
      Woman50ish FelizCastus

      Posted

      Sopt on lol.. I believe your spot on! (sending innocent kiss your way) I do just needed to hear it..
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus Woman50ish

      Posted

      His hsv1 score seems low, so I'm not even sure that it falls in the positive range! And if he tested negative for hsv2 at six months, he doesn't have it. Doesn't sound like you did anything risky anyway. Perhaps he's confused about things. Could be that he likes you, but is unsure how to proceed because of your hsv2 status. You could just wait it out, become a little distant yourself, and see how he responds. Just try not to get too hung up on him in case it doesn't work out. Some guys (and gals) like the ego boost of flirting by text, etc. Could be that, could be more. Hard to say. In any case, good luck! smile
    • Woman50ish
      Woman50ish FelizCastus

      Posted

      Hi this is the most help I've gotten in 6 months I do greatly appreciate the time you have taken to respond to me all of your support is validated my feelings. Thank you so very much. This is not a topic we just talked about to anyone. I happen to live in the woods in Northeast us. And support groups are hard to come by.
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus Woman50ish

      Posted

      There are no support groups at all where I am! In lieu of that, this forum is great. Really helps to have others to speak to, ask questions of, or to vent to, lol. Happy to have been of help. smile
    • Woman50ish
      Woman50ish FelizCastus

      Posted

      Omg I got the courage to call a meeting. Not sure he'll come. I'm not sure he'll come but its been almost 4weeks time to do what you've said..or try to.. Where the heck do I start? So much time gone by..
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus Woman50ish

      Posted

      If you think enough time has passed and you are not happy with the status quo and want to know the direction either way, then just be honest and upfront. Tell him you like him, but need to know what's happening, if anything, that you know where he's coming from and totally understand his concerns, but that there are ways to significantly minimise the risk and you are more than happy to do all of them for him (assuming you are, and this includes avoiding sex during outbreaks/prodrome, using condoms and you taking daily suppressive meds). Point him to a few reliable sites, such as ASHA. Then see what he says. He may still need a little time to process things, but don't let him drag it out indefinitely. Either that, or say nothing and wait for him to make the next move, but that may not happen. That would be an answer in itself, but sometimes we need definitive closure one way or the other. Whatever happens, all the best!
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