Possible eating disorder problem?

You would probably do best speaking with a counselor ot therapist. Something else going on within you. The sooner the the better before patterns emerge and you cant undo them.

Hi Elisa,

First of all I wanted to say I'm sorry to hear that your relationship ended. Breaking up is never easy (short term or long term) and you are completely validated to have negative feelings towards this, regardless of the consequence.

Understanding our emotional reactions to situations is part of life. For example, grief is commonly depicted in 4 different phases. We can't be happy all the time, so it is perfectly normal to feel sad, ambivalent, irritated, angry, demotivated etc.

A lot of people turn to food as a coping mechanism at difficult times. They either find they cannot eat or they want to fill themselves with food OR both. This behaviour shouldn't be misconstrued as an eating disorder, it is merely a way of dealing with a difficult situation.  Similarly people are commonly known to have a rubbish day at work at think "sod it, I'm having a glass of wine...". Again, this doesn't make them alcoholic.

You have higlighted two key things. Firstly you experienced initial weight loss, and then more consistent weight loss, and second the continued thoughts of food and anxiety.

Let me take the first point. If you restrict your diet (regardless of the reasons), the weight loss experienced will firstly be water, so that is why you will have seen noticeable results on the scales initially. If you persist with limited intake, your body shuts down into starvation mode, which is literally reserving all its energy stores in all its key organs, because it senses danger. This is a natural biological instinct to enable survival, if it didn't anyone who went on a restrictive/fad diet would die pretty quickly. One of the organs affected is the brain. As you restrict, your body becomes more and more preoccupied towards food; smells, taste, even packaging. Again, it's why starved animals who wouldn't normally hunt humans become extremely dangerous, because their bodies are driving them towards the nearest source of energy.

A better explanation is the Minnesota starvation experient, which highlighted the impact of starvation on humans and what happens to the mind when starvation occurs. Google it, it explains things better than I will type in a small response.

This concurs with your preoccupation with food, but also the anxiety which arises. Anxiety also increases as a result of restricted calorie intake, and being a lower weight than your body is meant to be. (There are of course many other reasons for anxiety, but this could be one explanation for your anxiety).

You have alluded to anxiety since the break up. Going back to my opening gambit, again it is usual to have different feelings to a situation like this, and commonly lack of trust arises, low self esteem, etc. One of my suggestions here in order to build up your self confidence again is to enrol yourself in activities which you enjoy and are good at. This will help you build self esteem, particularly if you have a role in these such as in volunteering or in leisure activities.

You also raised a point about the increase in so called "unhealthy/bad foods". I won't rant, but chips are made from potato, a vegetable and fried in fat which is also essential to diets. Cheese is made up of fat, and protein in the diary (essential to diet) and cookies contain carbohydrates in starch and sugar, fat and possibly some dairy depending on the type (all essential in order to function).

I use the analogy of which is more nutritionally balanced, a mars bar or an apple?

...food for thought  Two specialist eating disorder dietetians have voted in favour of the mars bar as it has carbs, fat and dairy. The apple just has sugar. That's not to say that you should eat mars bars in excess but the same applies for anything.

If you have been eating irregularly, limiting carbs and fats and generally eating less than your recommended daily calorie intake, you will end up bingeing or craving and eating more of the "bad foods", because in starvation mode your body drives you towards the nearest source of energy, be it chips, nutella, biscuits, pizza etc. This can leave the individual feeling even more out of control and vulnerable depending on the circumstances that led their food to become out of control in the first instance (in your case the break up) especially when they don't understand why it is happening, and why it is happening in excess. It can lead to greater feelings of guilt and negative feelings because of the feelings of control.

I again refer back to the Minnesota experiment which highlights this well. I would also explain that eating starch based carbs, with fat and protein at each meal helps to keep fuller for longer and prevents uncontrolled binges occuring. Your body is able to understand when meals are coming, rather than hunt for food because it is energy starved.

I'm not one to say whether you do or do not have an eating disorder. These are serious, complex mental health problems which if not tackled early on can have enormous physical complications and even result in death (they have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses and 1 in 5 die). I have experienced first hand the consequences of a serious eating disorder, almost having organ failure at one point and another severely depleted potassium levels (again critical for the heart to function). I also lost my periods for a year, and have osteopenia...I am lucky it is not worse.  

As has been highlighted, it sounds like you need someone to talk to about the experience following your break up, regardless of the eating behaviours. I would recommend speaking to your GP and seeing if you can be referred to a community counsellor (IAPT is good for short term counselling).  It may be that your issues are a result of your recent experiences, or it could be more complex.

I wouldn't focus on whether you have a condition or not, it's quite easy to do that and doesn't help anyone.  Like I got horribly sunburnt two days ago and have mini blisters. The first thing I asked google was do I have skin cancer. Then I rationalised and realised it was only 2nd degree (still not great...guess my skin sensitivity is also affected by still being at a low weight...) but not anything to panic over.

Instead, definitely try and get some counselling, and try and focus on what you can control. You can start planning to eat regularly, or organising social events with friends, or even treating yourself to something nice or cooking. One of the things that has helped me is by making food fun. It means that even though I'm terrified of the consequences (less so now, because I've been eating a lot lately and only gained 0.5kg, so my dietetian is a bit cross and keeps increasing my nutritional requirements...not my fault my body needs more energy, but at least it proves my metabolism works fine)...I am excited and motivated to eat.

I hope this helps, but if you want to PM me at any time, do give me a shout. Happy to help.