Post natal depression, depression, breakdown or me ?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Thoughts please. 

I’m trying to work out what’s going on in my wife’s head. We got married after 14 years, we have a 5 year old, house and all the trimmings. We planned on a second child after we married and as soon as we got pregnant she had an abortion. The marriage lasted 6 months when she left me. She not only pushed me away but became unattached to our daughter. Now 10 months later she asked to date me. On and off we would date but didn’t want to rush. Between dates she would ignore me? Recently she has been put on Sertraline 50mg (20 days if she’s taking it). The other day she lost it at me over a flipent comment about her phone. Screaming obscenities and threw me out of her flat. Screaming that she would call the police (which she did). I’m a big boy and I can take it, but is it post natal, depression or a breakdown. Maybe it’s me ? I don’t know if Sertraline can bring out anger and rage like this ?? She has a history of depression and self harm. Please help 

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  • Posted

    Stuart, just wanted to say sorry your wife's behaviour is so confusing when you're trying to be so understanding and patient. There doesn't seem to be a post natal depression forum on here (just had a quick look) which seems strange... It would be useful for you to get other comments from women that have experienced this. Her head is all over the place angel. I'm so sorry, i'm not a mum and i don't know about Sertraline as a medication, so not much help, but hope you get some good advice soon xx

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  • Posted

    Stuart. I agree with Katehippy. Dont know about sertralines effects but sounds like she needs professional help. Sounds like u being very patient. The worrying bit is disconnecting with her child. 21 days on meds is early days though. Stay strong for child see if she go back to docs. Self harm is a worry too.  Take care n ask for help xx
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  • Posted

    Hi Stuart,

    My former partner suffered from depression followed by dementia and was on Sertraline, which did, on occasion, lead to temper spells - not too serious, except on one occasion when she was violent to me. I, susbequent to our parting, suffered depression and am still on Citalopram, so the effects of all this may be with you for some time.

    From your story I would agree with Katehippy and Valerie -, I think your wife has a serious case of post natal depression.

    You say you married after 14 years and then had your daughter - if her problems have started, or worsened, following giving birth that would seem to  be conclusive evidence of PND.

    How was your relationship before you married - you don't say if you or she had any problems then -obviously some, as we all have them from time to time - but did she show the current signs of behaviour then?

    If not, that's another reason why her GP should be treating her for PND. Does her GP know her full history?

    I found it very difficult while still a couple, for me to get assistance - let alone good counselling for my partner - that's not to disparage the counselling services, they just have too many people to deal with under severe financial restrictions.

    You could try asking for an appointment with her GP to fill in what your wife may well not have told him/her.

    S/he won't discuss your wife's problems with you - just state your concerns but don't knock what the GP is doing!

    About the dating - this may be the hardest part for you - I would be inclined to go slowly to the extent of only inviting your wife round to your place, not going to hers. There you're on - and in -her territory, and this will present a different set of circumstance to her, where a flippant comment will have the sort of effect you have already seen.

    20 days on any anti-depressant is too short to have an impact - it may well take 2 months before  any calming effect is felt by her.

    Cherish your daughter - nothing that has happened is her fault - I'm sure you are looking after her well and giving her the love that she needs to grow up understanding  (eventually) what is happening.

    She will have to be your (unwitting) rock - and you hers.

    Try some online forums - https://www.mumsnet.com/

    https://thedadnetwork.co.uk/coping-partner-suffering-depression/

    Easy to say, hard to follow, but keep positive  - for both your daughter and your wife's sakes.

    Richard

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  • Posted

    Thank you for the replies. I just don’t know what to do. Even this week we spent the whole day together Monday. We had a great day walking round York and the weather was great. I didn’t want to push it so I didn’t contact her Tuesday. Wednesday she wanted to come round for a takeaway and film but when she turned up she seemed so angry. Just wanted to pack her belongings and go. I could do or say anything right. Far from the pictures we had taken in York together 😩

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  • Posted

    Hi Stuart. Sorry you having such a hard time. Again i agree with all Richard says just one or two things occur to me, knowing someone who has a partner who displayed same angry and sometimes violent tantrums. Alas it turned out to be more serious depression. I dont want to put a name to it as i not at all medically trained. Diagnosis took a long time but on the positive side it is successfully treatable as i have seen the results. You are the one who needs the strength to see it through.  On the other hand should i be barking up the wrong tree, antidepressants are not "happy pills" and take longer than 20 or so days to take effect. No experience of the one you name but am into 10th week of 20mg prozac and had first really good day today! Bad days were sooo bad no sleep nausea no appetite no motivation but didnt suffer anger. Not familiar with PND so stick with GP and see if she will go for counselling. Talking is good therapy but its getting her to talk thru her angst and open up. Family, friends? Exercise like walking and swimming can help too. Maybe the three of you can go out n enjoy a simple family day out. Your daughter can be your motivation and support but be sure there no friction. Daughter does not need that but maybe worth a try.  Its hard but it is early days for meds.  And yes neutral ground best for time being. The park, play on swings, swimming light relief for all? Stick with meds and GP tho. Take care xx

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