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My name is Matthew, I am only 19 years old and turning 20 this mid June. For the past few months I've been having several anxieties about health and my brain, because I've lived my entire life having such a strong hold over my emotions, I wouldn't cry unless something really really terrible happened to me or my family. All of a sudden around early 2022 and late 2021, I was fully consumed by this fear of dying due to a neurological issue like ALS or Dementia despite my young age. Fast forward a couple months later and I begin to notice that my brain has been going through a lot of suffering through slurring my words a good amount, passing out at around 7-8 AM every night, powerful anxiety attacks and more like seizure like episodes and emotional issues.
Recently though, I started to notice something strange happen. In the beginning I realized that I just became a much more emotional and depressed person who could cry just if i get yelled at or overwhelmed. I remember even watching Guardians of The Galaxy 3 recently and crying so hard that I had to control my breathing to stop it. Fast forward a bit later and sometimes I can't even watch a video of a cute bunny looking sad in a video when its supposed to be a comedic video without almost choking up. I did what most anxious people do in my situation and decided to google it to see what would come up and I noticed
Which scared me a lot because this disorder aligns with.. ALS everytime I look it up, along with other symptoms that I have. The part of that symptom that scared me that most was the fact that it can appear while I'm stressed and sometimes it can appear out of nowhere with what feels like no trigger. I could be working my normal shift at home, end up reading something on my phone and i feel my eyes almost begin to swell up and this urge to fall onto my knees and cry hysterically. Despite this, I never genuinely started crying when these symptoms came about, even if they were super close. Even today after I finished playing my game and started to eat some food, I felt myself choke up for a split second despite me feeling fine. I also notice that a lot of times when im stressed out about something and I watch something that makes me laugh, I end up feeling like I'll cry right after. Or I'll do something and see mildly exciting to me and feel this urge to jump up and start bouncing with joy while laughing like a kid. Much like the crying feeling, I still have some control over my emotion to prevent myself from expressing it but it can still be strong. There's so much going on and idk what to do or say. I don't wanna stress myself out and convince myself that i got ALS but those symptoms, the cramps in my legs and arm and the slurring are really confirming to me that i have such an awful disease.
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