Preparing for condom-less sex (am I doing enough??)

Posted , 8 users are following.

Hello. My boyfriend and I are interested in having condom-less sex. I want to make sure I’ve given it careful consideration before we do it. I understand that condoms protect us against unwanted pregnancy and from spreading/contracting STIs, and so I want to make sure I do all the right things to protect us both.

Details about us/ how we are preparing for condom-less sex:

- We are in a monogamous relationship

- I have the copper IUD

- I also take the combined hormone pill

- I was a virgin before we had sex with a condom, and my parents did not pass any STIs to me; so I really have no STI risk

- I have an upcoming appointment for my final round of HPV shot, and we will not have condom-less sex until after this shot series is complete

- He has been tested for both syphilis and HIV, both negative

- He has NOT been tested for chlamydia or gonorrhea; he lives in another country and these tests run hundreds of dollars there, unlike syphilis/HIV which are free

- He's said he has no known exposure to an STI

- I have been vaccinated for Hepatitis A and B, I did not ask him if he has been vaccinated for these yet

Given this information, is it safe to go ahead and pursue condom-less sex? If we do, I intend on getting tested for chlamydia and gonorrhea at my health clinic every few months, as the doctors tend to recommend.

0 likes, 13 replies

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Let me ask you this .  Do you really what to take the chance or is your boyfriend pushing you into it because he does not what to use a condom anymore.  It only take one time. But it is really up to you  Ken 
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  • Posted

    Don't do it until you've both been tested. 

     

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  • Posted

    I have a few more questions for you.  How old are both of you and how long have you been together.  Are you planning on getting married.  I for one is from the old school.  My wife and I did not have sex till we were married.  It is one thing to be having some fun but having sex without the condom brings it into a different view.  You are not living in the same city.  You have a long distance relationship.  Who know what will happen in a few wees or month's.  It is up to you but I would not have it if you were my daughter  Good luck  Ken    

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    • Posted

      Hi Kenneth. I don't think such personal questions are relevant to covering the physical aspects of safe sex. But since you're interested, we're both in our early 30s and have been together for 6 years. We met in graduate school and will be closing the gap on our long distance relationship in a couple of years. We are both equally interested in taking this step together.

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    • Posted

      I am sorry that you felt it was a little personnel but if you would have told us your ages and how long you have been together I would have answered you different.  I took as you were a couple of kids not adults knowing what you are doing and want.  If you guys are moving for word then you don't need us to tell you want it right or wrong.  I hope all works out for you both and enjoy your future   Ken   .   

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  • Posted

    No also let him be tested for herpes 1/2 IGG and he has to get tested as we’ll before moving forward
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  • Posted

    The answer depends on your personal attitude to risk.

    You've obviously thought this through. The steps you have already taken have delt with the pregnanacy issue and substantially reduced the risk of STI's.

    Both gonnorhoea and especially Chlamydia can be carried symptom free so there is a small risk there, but at least they are curable.

    Herpes is a risk. The blodd tests for this can be confusing and unreliable. It would be worth asking you boyfriend whether he has had this or coldsores. However condoms arn't that effective at preventing Herpes transmission anyway.

    In contrast to the other comments on here, I would go for it. But if you are the sort of person who would lie awake at night worrying then wait until you can get the rest of the tests.

    Best of luck to you both

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    • Posted

      Yes, the low risk of contracting gonorrhea and chlamydia (this would also be the first time he is going condom-less), the fact that both are easily detected by a swab test (free at my health clinic), and the fact that they are easily treatable is one of the reasons I was considering going fourth with it anyway. I appreciate your input.
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  • Posted

    If you’ve been together for 6 years and are sleeping with no one else, then risks are low right?   Why would you need regular chlamydia testing if he and you aren’t sleeping with anyone else?  Or have I miss understood something ? 
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    • Posted

      No, you have the correct info. The risks are very low for both of us, but if he did happen to have a dormant case of either gonorrhea and chlamydia (often symptom-less), my health clinic provides free swab tests for these, so I could follow up at the two month mark (recommended by a doctor) and again every year during my regular doctor's visit to make sure nothing came up (an easy way to mitigate a rare but serious case of not catching/treating long-term chlamydia, which is much more serious). In summary (1) the risks are extremely low for the ones he cannot get tested for (2) the ones he cannot get tested for are easy to detect and treat.

      Some may say we're over preparing, some may say we shouldn't even consider it until we're both clean on paper. I feel fairly comfortable with it given the low risk but also appreciate anyone's opinion on the matter.

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  • Posted

    Red Flag: He has NOT been tested for chlamydia or gonorrhea; he lives in another country and these tests run hundreds of dollars there, unlike syphilis/HIV which are free

    How often do you see each other? How do you know for certain that he has been monogamous? I'm just throwing these things out there. You have given it lots of thought. There is a drug resistant strain of gonorrhea. Its just something to think about. 

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    • Posted

      I'm not sure why this is a red flag. His home country has good standard healthcare but also has a very conservative culture that doesn't really emphasize sexual health (I did some research too and from what I can see, they only test serious conditions like HIV for free unless you have obvious symptoms, and then health insurance will cover it). Another example-- If I ever ended up moving there, it would be very difficult for me to get my birth control pills (probably impossible to get my IUD replaced), as almost everyone just uses condoms. It would have been nice if we had considered getting tested while we were both still students together, because he would have been able to get tested for free at a clinic in my country. Oh well.

      We see each other every couple of months, switching off visits. I trust he's monogamous, but the risk of cheating exists even if we didn't live apart, so there's not much anyone can do about that, it just has to be based on trust...

      Good point on the drug resistant strain of gonorrhea.

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