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pretty sure I'm dying

Posted , 8 users are following.

johnny31476
johnny31476

It's 6 am as I type this. I have been trying to sleep since midnight. over the past 8 months my sleep has gradually declined, due to a strange disease, to literally nothing. tonight, my brain has decided to shut off completely. I'm no longer even drifting in and out of REM sleep, which for the past 2 weeks was all I was getting.

I started suffering brain  shocks/stomach flutters upon drifting off a while back, which led to my sleeplessness. pills worked for a while, but lost their effectiveness. I suffer from dysautonomia as a result, with my pulse rate and blood pressure skyrocketing since i've had this problem. I literally cannot think of what I was going to type next. I am so afraid. this problem is not transient-- my brain and nervous system have gone haywire, and I fear there's no going back.

0 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • linda83143l
    linda83143l johnny31476

    Posted

    I really do know how you feel. I have suffered for ten weeks, sleep deprivation makes you feel like that.

    You start to get a mental block and can not think straight. I tried to chase sleep, it doesn't work.

    Mine is outside influences and now having to take legal action.

    I have a home and can not live in it. I am having to stay in a hotel and haven't been home this year except for a couple of hours.

    Sleeping tablets - you gain a tolerance and then even they don't work any longer and by then you are addicted. If you increase the amount taken you are on a slippery slope to hell as you are then have increased your problems again.

    Be very careful and if you did buy off the dark web, you don't know what the pills are cut with or if they are what say they are.

    Sorry if you find this unhelpful but in,all sincerity honest is the best policy..

  • desi20314
    desi20314 johnny31476

    Posted

    Hey, 

    I completely understand where you are coming from... I went through the same horrible phase for 12 weeks with sleep getting worse and worse(2hours on average). I thought I was dying I kept saying goodbye to my family and friends... This is a vicious cycle that only you can stop, no amount of medicine or psychotherapy is going to help. How I got through it and out of it last month was I accepted my situation, stopped dwelling and blaming myslef for this insomnia and by day three I slept through the night! NO you are NOT dying you WILL get through this and you will probably come out of it the happiest youve ever been in your life. Your appreciation for everything around you will fill you with content and continous happiness. What you need to do is absolutely nothing don't look for a solution just fill your life with what you used to enjoy and everything will flow again. I promise you! Wishing you fast recovery smile you will get through it. Oh and exercise helps a tonne.

    • lily65668
      lily65668 desi20314

      Posted

      Amen to everything you've said, desi! I've been there too, many years ago, and I know that's the only approach that works.

  • lily65668
    lily65668 johnny31476

    Posted

    Johnny, that "strange disease" you're talking about is nothing more than anxiety. Read what desi has said. She/he is perfectly correct.

    I'm a former neuro nurse as well as being a long-term insomnia sufferer in my youth, and can assure you that your brain isn't shutting down and you're not going to die. No one dies of sleep deprival (unless they drive or operate dangerous machinery after a sleepless night). The problem is that it makes you feel as if you're going to die, which then feeds back into your anxiety.

  • anetta94863
    anetta94863 johnny31476

    Posted

    Johnny your sleep will return. If you took sleeping pills, benzo type you might be going through a withdrawal.The same thing applies to any drugs, especially amphetamine type. this will pass and your body will resume normal sleep. The trick is not to take any pills and avoid stimulants. Withdrawal is very difficult but it goes away. For stomach flutterings try laying on a very firm pillow, sometimes the pressure on a diaphragm stops hyperventilating and relaxex you. The brain zaps just have to pass with the withdrawal. Check for asthma. 
  • johnny31476
    johnny31476

    Posted

    Thanks for the kind words. First and foremost, this is NOT anxiety. this is a condition where my brain confuses sleep cues for wake up cues. As such, it becomes more and more difficult to achieve sleep. 2 weeks ago, I lost entirely the ability to enter into deep sleep, and am losing the ability to gain even light sleep. as the condition continues, my sleep has been truncated more and more until it went away.

    right now I am very strangely alert, but I suspect that will pass with a couple more weeks. Like I said, my body has also fallen out of whack. In addition to the body shocks, blood pressure and heart rate have skyrocketed. I cannot control or stop these shocks and they are coming at odder, more infuriating, and more detrimental times.

    I have stopped taking sleep medication, and am not withdrawing from any benzos as of now. My brain no longer knows what it is to fall asleep, and has been on this path for nearly a year now. If it were going to fix itself, it would have by now.

    • anetta94863
      anetta94863 johnny31476

      Posted

      Think of what you did, what you took or what has changed around in your life that caused this. There has to be a reason. I had no REM sleep for months after i was withdrawing from benzos. Some other reasons also made me lose sleep for up to 2-3 days at a time but there was always the next night that I slept at least 7 hours. Except for the benzo withdrawl when I slept for 2-3 hours every 2-3 days, the most. This is also when I experienced the brain zaps. I had some of them reappear after a bad case of vestibular migraine with inner ear involvement. But they were minor and there was always at least one good night of sleep. I do tend to get the dysautonomia because of a pollen season and allergies, after I moved to Florida. Are you taking any meds at all? Some may cause severe insomnia.
    • johnny31476
      johnny31476 anetta94863

      Posted

      All I know for certain is that nothing as simple as medicine or life changes caused this. that's why I'm confident it won't change. that and it's been ages.

      Also, these are not brain zaps as described by medication withdrawal. they are different. wholly within. Right now I'm not even in light rem sleep. what it is is a sort of pre-sleep, that I'm certain can't be restful in the slightest. and who knows how long that will last.

  • anetta94863
    anetta94863 johnny31476

    Posted

    And remember, you will sleep again because your body has an inner mechanism to fix itself. You just have to try not to interfere with its chemistry. 
    • anetta94863
      anetta94863

      Posted

      One more thing. What works for me is weird sleeping positions. For months I have fallen asleep with my upper body below my lower body. I lay down below the level of my bed, hanging down on a chair that is lower than my bed. I am ot sure why,but this would cause immediate sleep, and a very deep one. Sometimes it is belly down position, with a firm pillow under my abdomen. Why? Beats me.  Perhaps you try?

       

  • johnny31476
    johnny31476

    Posted

    With the exception of the night before last I have gotten 1, maybe 2 hours of the poorest possible sleep a night for the past 2 weeks. the other night I was drinking and went down immediately for about 5 hours. My heart palpitations have gotten worse, I still don't get truly drowsy, and I have laid in bed for up to 8 hours before drifting off for maybe 45 minutes to an hour.

    The worst part, is the brain shocks now follow me to sleep, and I get them in the middle of a dream, waking me up. So what could be 2, 3 hours, is cut short. this in addition to the shocks keeping me from drifting off for that 7 to 8 hours. all I have to do is think about them, and they come. it's impossible not to do this. my stupid f*cking brain is doing all it can to kill itself, and it's working.

    I can still mostly think straight, but that can't last. It's been nearly a year since this started, and my brain has almost entirely sealed off sleep. It. Is. Gone. And I have no reason to suspect it's ever coming back.

    • anetta94863
      anetta94863 johnny31476

      Posted

      Johnny my heart cries out for you. I wish I had a magic wand to fix your problem and mine as well. I know that my current, persistent insomnia is caused by stressful life situation and begining of menopause. At least I know that. I hope you can get to the bottom of your problems. I just want to stress that pharmaceuticals may have a long withdrawal period, so anything you might have taken in the past may still have some effect on your sleep. If not reintroduced the sleep pattern should come back to normal. I have been there and I had years of pretty normal sleep until now that other factors ruined it. Sometimes also you may not be aware that you actually drift off, and may think you never slept during the night. 

       

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