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I don't know whether I'm looking for advice, support or just to get this off my chest for now. Apologies if this turns into a ramble but I've got so much going through my head just now.
I'm a problem drinker. I don't feel dependent on alcohol (as in having to drink every day) but I have a problem with self-control in terms of the amount I drink when I start and also my behavior when under the influence. As I write I'm sitting alone at home as I have been for the past two days having called in sick to work due to excessive drinking over the weekend (\"sickness & diarrhoea\" being more convincing if it lasts more than one day).
I'm worried that if I don't do something to control my drinking I'm going to end up in real trouble. In recent months I've been in hospital twice for alcohol related injuries (once having completely lost control when another seemingly problem drinker started a fight with me in the street, the other after falling and smashing my face on concrete paving), I've missed days at work, engaged in casual sex with people I would never consider to be appropriate partners otherwise and just generally seem to be demonstrating in increasing lack of self control.
I'd love to be able to drink socially to a moderate level but more and more it seems like I'm incapable of this. The sensible thing would seem to be to stop completely but I don't know if I'm capable. Most of my friends are regular drinkers especially my best friend of over 15 years who, truth be told, drinks way more than me but doesn't seem to have a problem with it. I can avoid situations where alcohol is likely to be a factor when I'm feeling like this but it doesn't take long for the physical/mental effects of the last binge to subside and boredom to set in. I'm single and live alone so all I really have are my friends and if they're socialising in an environment where alcohol is present then that's where I'll be. I've tried going out and drinking soft drinks/water only but I've only ever lasted a week or two at most before going back on the sauce. This usually starts off with a beer or two but within a couple of weeks the chances are I'll have had another binge, done something I regret, and be right back where I am now.
I really don't know what I'm trying to say/ask here but I think one of the most significant parts of my problem is being alone and not having anyone to talk to about things. Getting this off my chest may help.
Thanks for listening,
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