Procrastination from anxiety or ADHD

hi thanks for taking time to reply with such depth.

i live in the UK its very common to go back to study here. its definitely not to meet people or someone special. my studies are online so i dont meet anyone! ive had minimum wage jobs i disliked all my life. I just want to do better for myself and work in something i am passionate about. its so hard to live on £10.52 per hour doing the most boring of tasks. my cousin wanted to be a hairdresser, thats what she does, my dad was a lawyer, you wanted to be a Dr ect ect and i want to be an illustrator. i have an artistic ability i want to put to use i just struggle to get going with tasks. any task. doesnt have to be academic. maybe everyone else achieved these things because of the dream and i am a dreamer. but what if i told you this career i want is very much the dream. being able to not be late for everything is the dream. being able to just shower without paralysis is the dream. yet in my 40years its been exceptionally difficult and i have no explanation why.

it affects every aspect of my life like i mentioned showering, being messy, my time keeping is appalling, just everything. feeling paralysed is a brilliant way to describe it. i have been described as a day dreamer all my life so i could very well be a dreamer. however if i am then great. but i cannot keep struggling so much in my daily life to achieve basic things like a shower. i shouldnt have to feel paralysed at doing simple things or if this is the way life is going to be for me surely something could help me understand why and im desperate to find answers to if it can be improved so i dont struggle so much daily.

i totally understand maybe the answers also cant come from a forum but i am so desperate. my GP said im anxious. My therapist said to look at adhd. People around me just cant explain why im so different. i just want to be able to do things without being paralysed, being late or forgetting everything.

Hello Emma,

Thank you for providing clarity regarding your circumstances. I understand regarding your studies. If you don't mind, can I inquire how you perform at work? I realize that the pay is insufficient and the tasks are boring, but do you have the same difficulty at work as you do with all else? In other words, does your employment suffer the same paralysis and ultimately cost you your job or do you perform well or even excel at your present job? I ask based upon your statement "i just want to be able to do things without being paralysed, being late or forgetting everything" together with the observation that your original post made no mention of any difficulties regarding your present job. Are the difficulties pervasive throughout your personal life and your occupational life as well? I'd be interested to know if you'd care to respond.

Based upon your original post, you state that you ultimately do take action, but only when it reaches a state of "impending doom." Does this sensation not occur regarding your studies? If not, how are your studies different from all of the issues that ultimately get accomplished following a sense of impending doom?

If being an illustrator is your dream and you are able to perform what is required of you at your present job, then do you think you might approach your studies as part of an actual job necessary to become an illustrator? If you perform your job without feelings of paralysis then what constitutes the difference between your work and your studies in your opinion? In other words, are you constantly late for work, demonstrate paralysis regarding your job duties or forget matters related to you present job?

I realize that purely from a practical standpoint if you don't perform your job duties as required then you'll lose your job just as any person would, but I'd be very interested to know your response to why the work to become an illustrator is somehow different than work to perform your job since they both constitute the means to earn a living. In fact, I presume from your earlier response that earning a living as an illustrator would constitute better pay than your present job as well as represent a satisfying living.

As for the prospect of being an illustrator constituting your dream, are you driven by the aspects necessary to attain the position of illustrator or do you envision yourself as being successful in the career itself and experience emotions far and away different from those presently surrounding you?

Regardless, it's important not to feel desperate regarding your predicament, for desperation can itself literally drain the energy for you to move forward in any context.

Regarding the prospect that you may be suffering from ADHD, I will also share my opinion with you that I do not subscribe to the premise of adult ADHD, or for that matter its presence as a factor where children are concerned as well. There is insufficient space here to explain my position to the degree required but my professional experience spanning 40 years stands largely in the way of ADD/ADHD. Again, this is merely my professional opinion regarding the matter.

While generalized anxiety can be present, it is seldom responsible for an overwhelming inability to move forward and escape present circumstances deemed unsatisfactory regarding your life and career in the manner you describe. In fact, anxiety more often than not provides the characteristics necessary to over-achieve in many instances because of anxiety to perform tasks as perfectly as possible, to avoid being late by alternatively being early and to work diligently to avoid difficulties that most often produce anxiety.

I look forward to hearing back from you if you'd care to respond.

Best regards

i was fired from waitressing jobs pre 20s. ive been called lazy in work now. i do not think i am. (im a nursery nurse looking after children 6weeks to 18months) i do my job fine but i find it very boring. the 12 hour shifts, minimal pay and training without pay is not where i want to be at 40 with 3 teenagers at home. i get easily distracted as myself and the other girls working chat a lot. i feel like it distracts me or makes me not realise the time so im late to remember to go down and get the food trays or im late at changing times. its not from not wanting to do it. timing is a massive problem for me. i am always a few minutes late or 10mins. nothing drastic. ive been spoken to about it and i really try but i always go back to being a bit late. this is also an increasing problem with my own children. my 16year old gets frustrated with me. in my head i plan to be somewhere on the exact time, thats what im comfortable with is the only way to describe it. obviously things crop up last minute and i tend to be a bit late. not always. if my mind is elsewhere i find it very hard to perform a task. usually im overthinking in my head with myself. my internal monologue is continuous or im distracted too much talking. time goes completely out the window and so does concentrating on whatever im doing. sometimes i feel like im just sitting somewhere and ive not realised how much time has gone by. it can be hours if im alone.

this difficulty is everywhere. work, friends, family, study, appointments it makes no difference im like it most of the time. i can usually try certain methods for productiveness from books or online or what friends recommend and can follow it for about 2 weeks. i get a great sense of pride and a boost at doing things "normally" or i guess productively. for whatever reason i have never been able to go past two weeks. from nowhere the method becomes a chore and i go back to my old way. which i dont like so i dont understand why i cant keep it up. one week im really into whatever help method intensely, the next week i could not care less. it makes no sense. until i find something new then im back being productive again. my default is being laye for everything, procrastination, untidy and staring into space (but my mind is always constantly talking on the inside, dr says thats my anxiety)

"the feeling of doom" possibly adrenaline, does make me do things. i can perform exceptionally well under immediate pressure. i need to feel that to do things. for example if i have an appointment at 4pm and i no i need to take a shower, get ready, collect information ect. yet i will sit around feeling uneasy about the steps to get ready for the appointment until 1pm or sometimes it's 1.50, then i can do it all because i have to but this results often in being late. that whole day i will usually scroll on my sofa knowing i should be getting prepared but i feel like im waiting for my appointment and cant move until the last minute. its like waiting for a race to start? this makes no sense, i dont understand myself. im doing it right now. i am going out with friends later at 5.30. i need to shower and i need to pick up some pizzas for my teens. i have paralysis now. i cannot tell you why. im waiting for tonight but theres things i need to do but i feel overwhelmed maybe? i will do it all last minute and achieve nothing in the 8hours before. i dont no what the feeling is i dont understand why im like it. im assuming its anxiety but i dont feel anxious. is it personality, is it a bad habit? internally i am thinking about it but im distracting myself with my phone because thats better right now. Is this just my personality type and im stuck in a world where its the social norm to do things the other way around?

i never wanted to work with children its a job i took on a whim and stayed with it to pay bills. i have always wanted to do art but as a teen who was told i was naughty for not doing my work and getting a B in art (i handed in work id done in the last 24hrs despite having months to do it) i can still hear my teacher saying "you're lucky you're so talented and this work is beautiful to get your grade but where is the development and all the pre work? you've let yourself down." i heard that SO much. i cant even give an explanation and thats why i was "naughty" it certainly wasnt because i was being lazy. i just couldnt do it before and i dont no why.

Art has been probably the only thing that's kept my interest my whole life. its the one thing i dont get disinterested in. we had a last minute brief for a competition to apply to on my course. i stayed up all night, didnt pay attention to anything else, did more work than any normal person could din that time and won with my idea which was published. My tutors are aware of what im like and are just as baffled as me that if i was given 4 weeks i would of struggled but i excel if im given a day or less. i cannot explain why. i do not understand one bit. the pressure gave me an adrenaline rush, nothing else mattered and i loved it. ive been told i will do very well in editorial. maybe ive found my thing? but for now i struggle with long assignments that benefit from timing and planning. i l am a last minute whirlwind in everything in life. but do i fit into this world in being like that. i dont feel like i do. sometimes its great, the majority of time i let myself down and sometimes people around me.

you are right about desperation is does drain me but if i dont focus on it i get worse. if i try i still struggle so i feel like as a whole (not always) im constantly trying to fit into norms. trying to do normal things at the right time shouldnt be this difficult.

this could all be resolved with being logical. pull yourself together and get on with your life, stop overthinking, get up and do it when youre given a task, not last minute. But when you try and try and you're 40 and you're still struggling yet want to improve what on earth do you do. is it just a mere case of acceptance? my doctor thinks i over think, see in black and white and catastrophsise (sp?) and i agree. doesnt help me progress or get out of it.

my friend joked once. if we ever need to book a emergency trip somewhere in hours i am the exact person to call. if we had 4 weeks to plan, never ever ask me. it's so true. But we live in a world were most situations need to be calm, considered and some amount of time management. i feel like an alien.

i also regularly overshare, if that's not massively obvious if anyone has read this far. i feel very alone too. is anyone else like this? ive been told its common for anxiety suffers. ive also been told it's common for ADHD. ive also been told by many drs the same beliefs to ADHD as yours Arthur. I don't no what i think. i dont want a label i want to change even a bit for myself and stick to it but this far nothing helps.

Hello Emma. Thank you for your detailed response.

Generally, people are either internally motivated or externally motivated. Some folks utilize internal thought processes that provide the necessary motivation to very enthusiastically and constantly engage life in general, while others are driven to engage life and its responsibilities purely by external sources that are most commonly constructed in the manner of ultimatum and consequences or disincentives.

In my opinion, there is nothing organically wrong with you and any considerations to the presence of a disorder as the cause is inconsistent with the patterns of disorders that would be relevant.

Patterns of life are very obviously long-standing and can arise from a multitude of experiences that help form such patterns. To address your question of whether there is anyone else like you, the answer is quite literally yes. Generally, you ignore the markers that commonly engage responsibility and motivation until it reaches the extent of impending disincentive or negative consequences and outcome.

The only apparent stimulus that can prompt engagement toward life and responsibility are emergent circumstances and if such circumstances are not pre-existing then you merely wait until such time that it creates the ultimatum necessary for you to act in order to avoid significant repercussions. You find your employment history and present occupation to be riddled with a lack of importance, boring tasks and insufficient compensation.

You portend that your passion is to become an illustrator but in contemplation of this prospect it is all too evident that such work as an occupation requires self-motivation to undertake studies to formalize the ability to attain academic credentials requisite to enter such a field of work. Even subsequent to studies in this regard, what component of being an illustrator is sufficient to literally catapult you from your present motivational patterns to alternative patterns necessary to succeed? Surely the practice and creation of last-minute deadlines as an illustrator would merely produce the same outcome as your past and present employment outcomes, would it not?

You very succinctly described your life patterns that are clearly detrimental, the consequences of which are entirely insufficient to create the necessary change for improvement. Your friends see you as a person who can only function successfully if the environment is one of crisis where action is imminently required. What you may desire the most in an occupation as an illustrator may alternatively need to be an occupation where crisis is ever-present and where self-performance is only successful if you are constantly on the move to intervene where required. While such an occupation may well prove successful in your instance, what influence would it provide regarding your home life?

There is nothing to be cured in you, Emma. It is a demonstration of who you are as a consequence of life patterns from childhood forward into your adult life. There is no treatment or medication that is going to instill motivation if you require crisis and imminent consequence in order to successfully act. In other words, you're able to be motivated and to succeed but only when your back is against the wall and failure to submit to action would otherwise result in significant calamity. You're not actually paralyzed from the required performance to succeed, but merely engaged in avoidance behaviors until forced to act.

You've stated several times that you fit the patterns of ADHD to a tee and that you've also been told that persons with anxiety tend to overshare. These labels and others like them associated with disorders are stated by the DSM manual to be confirmed if their patterns interfere with social and/or occupational function. It is a premise that suggests virtually anyone whose behaviors interfere with their social life or occupational life constitutes a psychological disorder. Literally everyone at some point in life has experienced difficulty in the social and/or occupational life as a consequence of their personality or behavioral characteristics but that certainly doesn't suggest that everyone suffers from a disorder of one variant or another.

If you believe that you accurately fit the patterns of any particular disorder then you should seek out a therapist to discuss the prospect. Doing so does raise a question. If nothing short of "imminent doom" releases you from paralysis and the subsequent ability to act in your best interests, then of what possible advantage could a therapist be in merely talking you through the matter to the point of change? If such a premise were possible, then success would be realized through conversations with anyone on the topic that provide you with possible insight. You were even unmoved by discussions with your supervisors or employers regarding tardiness and yet it provided no disincentive according to your statements in that regard.

I suppose my point here is that the circumstances would take on an entirely different perspective if you were paralyzed from motivation regardless of any circumstances. In other words, if your life was entirely motionless, without employment and abandonment by your family because you were frozen from doing anything at all. But that is not the case. You are indeed capable of motivation. You can maintain employment, perform your job functions, provide care for your teenage children, tend to personal hygiene and other factors of daily life. Just like everyone else, you become motivated and are capable in completing various demands of you but the difference is that you only act when the circumstances reach the very last possible moment before matters take a bad turn.

In other words, and most importantly here, you're all too aware of your inaction. You're also constantly aware of your relevant distance from the last minute point where you must act. You're aware but you state that you can't help it because it feels like a paralysis that prevents you from taking action. You want to act in the proper time and with responsibility but something is preventing you from doing so.

But what sort of force are you speaking about here? Certainly we know it's not a physical one because as stated, you do eventually act but only at the last possible minute. It also can't be entirely undefinable. Something must be taking place in your thoughts rather than pure silence or void of some kind. We know this because you state repeatedly that you actively want to do the right thing but something holds you back. So you must constantly be aware of the premises awaiting your actions. You said that you constantly forget, but is that the actual circumstance? If so, it contradicts your state of mind otherwise wherein you know the matter at hand all too well and that deadlines to act grow nearer. That's not a demonstration of absence of mind. You think about it all along the way to a conclusion of some type. How do you forget something that you know is imposing a constantly approaching deadline wherein you are unable to move in time to successfully accomplish it until the last minute?

In all the years that you've demonstrated these patterns so consistently, have you ever once tried to simply act to see what occurs? At your age, doesn't that seem like a reasonable premise to put to the test? In other words, without giving thought to the matter related to the impending task or your perceived inability to engage it timely, have you ever simply stood up and acted regardless of your perceived inability to do so? We know that it's possible. It just occurs at a point of impending crisis. So what would happen if you simply acted in advance? What could actually physically or mentally prevent you?

If you're not asking yourself questions similar to my own, then you should because it represents an inconsistency that bears very close examination. I say this because you seem bright and quite self-aware and these characteristics would normally foster the need to task yourself in the context of why you believe your condition exists and what you believe causes it. You state that you don't know what to think but you're too self-aware and possess considerable insight not to even take an educated guess.

Best regards

In all the years that you've demonstrated these patterns so consistently, have you ever once tried to simply act to see what occurs? At your age, doesn't that seem like a reasonable premise to put to the test? In other words, without giving thought to the matter related to the impending task or your perceived inability to engage it timely, have you ever simply stood up and acted regardless of your perceived inability to do so? We know that it's possible. It just occurs at a point of impending crisis. So what would happen if you simply acted in advance? What could actually physically or mentally prevent you?

If i had a pound from every person that asked that first question i would be so rich i wouldn't need to become an illustrator at all ha!! But all humour aside i have asked myself and been asked that question so many times that i can feel myself getting frustrated almost angry. To explain today sitting at my desk with absolutely no logically reason as to why i cant start my assignment due next week. i ask myself that question. its an instant feeling. Imagine yourself standing on the side of a busy road blindfolded and someone said "just act and cross now" that is what i feel. if i use logic to say there's nothing to fear. that makes no difference to the feeling. Next Thursday before my deadline that feeling will be present but the task becomes less fearful than the immediate feeling of the deadline. i have no idea if im right with this but this is me trying to really think logically about it. is this just a bad habit that i started young if its not medical which i can accept. how does one change it? ive yet to try anything that's made a difference which i guess has left me questioning why am i like this. this scenario is the same with other things mentioned. why am i feeling "fear" if that's what it is over showering? even i know that's ridiculous. there has to be some rationale answer somewhere.

Fear would make sense making me act irrationally. i would definitely say i experience phobias. Needles are a total phobia. I've had a hole in my tooth since i was 17. nobody is putting a needle in my mouth. ( i dont want to discuss this anyone please or it will start me off on a health anxiety episode) everytime ive had a blood test ive fainted and been sick and have horrific panic attacks. my health anxiety is based on a fear of needles and dying (my mum died suddenly when i was young).

"Surely the practice and creation of last-minute deadlines as an illustrator would merely produce the same outcome as your past and present employment outcomes, would it not?"

potentially. but i would prefer that existence getting paid more and in something that interests me.

When i am able to get in the flow of creativity it calms my mind and takes me away from all the crap in my thoughts and life. making art isnt the problem maybe its starting a task im afraid of subconsciously? art makes me happy. forgive me for being crude but wiping boogers off someone elses child has its limits in providing me joy. i will undoubtedly be late for work or talk too much like currently but I'll take that for a life of less bodily fluids.

i just want to be able to do things without needing urgency. if the answer is just act, but i cant. what is the next step? do i give up? i dont think i can. im getting more stubborn with age. i do feel like i need help to understand why im like this and just maybe understanding might offer some relief.

ive just done some research on your first reply. A lot of information about being a dreamer or a doer. urgh. i am most certainly a dreamer. this makes a lot of sense but i feel really sad about it. i feel cautious about all my ideas now because are they just dreams that I'll never meet. i feel like giving up on everything and just sitting here not really knowing what i should do.