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PROGRESS EVERYDAY!!

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josh39197
josh39197

Hi everybody, i am a 21 year old young man who has been suffering from HMS for the past five years.  Since sophmore year of highschool my upper lip on the left side would twitch. As a young boy in highschool i took it very harshly and beat myself up a lot.  I turned to drugs like xanax and pain killers because it would numb my feelings so much. I am now sober and am more enlightened than ever.  I have been getting to the root of the problem and becoming completley aware of my tics. for example when i twitch I make other people twitch and look to see if they twitch as well instead of making eye contact and focusing on there eye color or patterns in there eyes!  i had too stop trying to focus on seeing and feeling insecure if they were twitching and focusing on the there and now.  Now some people will say "but i am aware I am twitching i friggen feel it!! It's so annoying!".  Thats not what i am talking about.  I am saying sitting in a room with a few people and one of them calls you out and says "everytime you talk about something theres a twitch in your lip.  It seems like theres an itch right there.  Why are you twichting?!  where is this twitch coming from!?!  It seems so annoying!"  that happened to me.  But that is only because I was ready for the embarrasement just like everyone on this page is because we live with it all the time 24/7 everyday.   not this guy anymore.  yea sometimes i twitch in front of people but i have to work on myself right there and then without HARSH judgment or criticism but becoming aware of what is happening at that moment.  In my prayers at night i will ask god to relieve me of this disease and too not let myself suffer from it.  i am very specific with god so if you have a question please ask we can work together.  But i also make it very clear to myself when that i suffer from this disease and i do twitch, BUT I DO NOT HAVE TO IF I CHOOSE NOT TOO I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS TO TAKE OVER ME!  i have been successful for about 2 weeks now and i have made progress each and every day.  you dont need to medicate yourself or get surgery there is a healthy way of doing this be open and be unhurtable.  I was devestated and so depressed living in dark for too long that i work on being unhurtable and remain posotive everyday. i was on this sight two years ago because i was embarressed and scared but i only saw the cures as medication and surgery that could kill me and i was already on the medication.  now i have thick skin and will stay strong everyday.  Please reach out to me so i can support you and you can support me.  much love to my peoples  

0 likes, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • felicia93276
    felicia93276 josh39197

    Posted

    Josh39197 I have had Hms for two years I lean that God made my face special and when any stares and looks at me different   I look at them and say yes my face is turned but God has given me a special face. What something has God give you.  And rember with God all thing are possible
    • josh39197
      josh39197 felicia93276

      Posted

      Yes he did!! we are all beatiful people and we must remeber we are all people! i am not better than the person across for me and they are no better than I.  The twitch is always in my thinking and it is like a sad depreesed, and HOPELESS Josh is living inside my head wanting to do it but i am becoming enlighted!  
  • Roseann
    Roseann josh39197

    Posted

    Love your positive attitude Josh and hope that it will see you through with this challenging condition.  Your words remind me of the Bob Dylan lyric 'I'm better than no one and no one is better than me.'  How very true.  I did not have your strength of mind and opted for the surgical cure, which, for me and by the grace of God, was uncomplicated and the best day's work I've ever done.  We all have our own way of dealing with what life deals to us and I'm so glad that yours is working.
    • josh39197
      josh39197 Roseann

      Posted

      Thank you Roseann.  I am so glad to hear that the surgery worked for you and do not take anything away from yourself! It takes a lot of courage to undergo a procedure like that.   Earlier today I was around a group of people.  i was talking and conversing with multiple of them and with some of the people  struggled.  i would have spasms and they would as well due to mine.  But i did not get discouraged. i continued too talk, look in there eyes and told myself when i would have a spasm too stay in the moment and that nobody has the right too judge me.  Thank you for responding Roseann it means a lot.  
    • Roseann
      Roseann josh39197

      Posted

      You are so right Josh that no one has the right to judge you.  We had a reunion here in the UK yesterday of 10 people (who hadn't previously met) but who have HFS or have had HFS.  A couple of the people had exactly the same attitude as you and they were determined that HFS was NOT going to ruin their lives.  It felt like a very safe and welcoming environment and we all felt a bond of friendship through this thing called HFS.  I am wondering if you are a member of the Hemifacial Spasm International Support Group on Facebook?  You'll find other young people there and I'm sure you would gain a lot by entering into the camaraderie of the group.  We can all learn from one another, whether or not we want to have Botox, surgery or just live with things as they are.  We are all still the same people inside and HFS, though very tiring, can help us to discover strengths we didn't know we had.  This seems to be how it is for you.  Take care Josh.
  • barb_99377
    barb_99377 josh39197

    Posted

    Your  post was so inspiring Josh39197. Thank you for sharing your strength and faith in our dear Lord. I pray for my HFS will end.   I am using herbs to control the spasms as well as magnesium.   I will have Botox next week.  I hate the results from the Botox , but feel I need it.

        Thank you for your post .. It was inspiring!

    • josh39197
      josh39197 barb_99377

      Posted

      Barb thank you for replying it means a lot.  I wish you luck on the botox surgery and strength in this disease we suffer from.  It really takes us too drastic measures of medication and surgery's because of how embarrasing it is and makes me insecure.  I have learned that at a young age i will have to deal with this for the rest of my life and if that is the case so be it, but regardless i refuse to continue to mentally and emotionally put myself down and belittle myself.  i walk tall with my head high.  I found that today i barley made eye contact in a conversation that i had but i still had a wonderful conversation for an hour and it helped me discover a lot about myself.  ill stop my rant, for now, lol  thanks for responding Barb
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