psychological distress

Aaawww man, thanks for trying to comfort me honey. I appreciate that. Your situation on the other hand is horrible and deceitful. He's wrong for not telling you, and he could have at least been honest and candid to you about his situation, you probably would have understood instead of putting you at risk! If people would just be candid about diseases that they have, the world would be in a much better place. If I were you, I would dump his ass because that's just wrong on so many levels. His actions were deceitful and depraved and unworthy of forgiveness. I know how you feel about loving your partner, but honey don't let your heart which is wicked and deceitful overshadow your better judgement!

Youre not the 1st person to tell me to dump his ass ! I have spoken to a few people on here about my situation and everyone has said the same, if he would of told me in the beginning we could ov worked through it and delt with it together as a couple

the fact that he tought he was safe to have unprotected sex with me while he had no visible symptoms put me at risk if i knew about it i could ov protected myself or told him to get lost ! Its the fact he took my choice to sleep with him away from me that im finding unforgivable

Im sorry i couldnt be much help to you but you have been a great help to me and for that i thank you dearly

I feel so lost right now as even after paying private for a blood test im still none the wiser about my situation 😞

Its the not knowing that is playing on my mind

If i have a future partner then my ex has but me in a difficult position but i myslef am i openly honest person and would never decive a person or take away their righjt as a human being to chose for themselfs

Thnak you so much for taking the time to listen and help me

You're welcome

I'd say to forgive or depends on his age and where you want your relationship to go. Do you want kids? With him? Might he otherwise be the guy you want to spend your life with? Either way, his inability to face his fear of losing you by telling you, protecting you and giving you the choice is unacceptable and I'd tell him so. Unacceptable enough to leave depends on you, his response to your concerns and where you two want your relationship to go. If you want a family together and face the fears of life together, he's going to need to be stronger and more mature. To think things through more and realize youd find out and it may be worse than telling you before.

Just remember if you do forgive, truely do. Don't harbor resentment and bury your feelings. HE NEEDS TO REASSURE YIU he understands his shortcoming, that he needs to grow up and not allow his fears to control him and hurt those he loves. If you try to forgive without that confidence, it will eat at you and you'll always be resentful. I've been there. There's a good saying applies to keeping a clean house and also a 'clean' marriage... Clean as you go.

And he says he didnt tell me when we got back together bcs it took him ages to win menbk and he didnt wnt to risk me leaving him which i understand and totally het his reason i dont agree with them and i wud o been honest straight away,

I know have to forgive him fully and if i decide i can fogube him i have to let it go and move on but im struggling to forgive i no early days still (4wks) but im not sure if i can trust him again ive told him already i dont wnt to end up resenting him

He has been truly trying to put this right and I have been quite harsh in him partly bcs i wnt him to hurt like i am i also feel sorry for him bcs he has no one to talk to bcs he hasnt told a sole about him having hsv2 so hes goin through a lot himself

Thank tou for advice and taking ur time to read and respond to me

Its nice to be able to unload as i myself havent told anyone except on here as i feel ashamed and embarrassed

Not having someone to talk to can really make these things difficult. He needs to focus on not allowing his fears control him. I've been there recently myself and it is immature and will hurt my life and those I care about. Sounds to me IF you are otherwise happy, enjoy each others company and DONT have other unresolved issues (like why you originally broke up), this is worth working through.Also yes... Time. This is new news. I was diagnosed oct8. Was devestated too and sometimes still pretty crappy. At least you have eachother. and I have mine too :-)

... I missed the 4 yr. was comparing your situation to my 18 yr relationship (he 39, me 34) and all the history we have. It's all I know. Maybe you guys have in 4 yrs what we do or better than what we do in 18. Wish you and him the best either way. Unforgivable or not, im sure in the end you both deserve to be happy.

Hmmm. Interesting point. I'm going to have to think on that. People don't disclose they get cold sores before they share beverages with others....

I've heard the reasonings behind not automatically testing and it's an interesting atance

He knew he had it ! It would be different if he didnt know, its the fact he knew all along and could potentionaly pass it on to me

I believe he should of given me the choice as to weather i wanted to slep with him or not, he knowingly slept with me unprotected for a year to me that is imorral (just my personal opinion which i acknowledge everyone will have a different one)

Thats just wrong in my eyes and toatlly deceitful

Girl realy? Now if you don't know, then that's one thing, but if you do know disclose to the person so that they can make a conscious decision on whether or they want to be with you. Who wants to live with an incurable disease for the rest of their life if they can help it! Herpes is in fact a disease that can go bad if your immune system is not strong or healthy enough to keep it at bay. That's why it's important to disclose these kinds of things because you're putting people at risk regardless of how you look at it. If you don't disclose it you're a low down trifling person who disregards people's health period! Who wants to deal with outbreaks if they don't have to, that could easily be avoided!

Its just immoral deceitful and extreamly selfish to not disclose this to me not to mention unforgivable

I believe it is the #1 point that needs to be made over and over, in all herpes discussions. Yes we'd all prefer to not have it. But to deal with the prejudice and stigma, the medical community needs to go one way or the other: either everyone gets screened, so everyone knows how common it is and everyone be can choose their partners on this basis, OR it is nobody's business who has herpes. It is the inconsistent standard that is perpetuating the rejection those with herpes esp type 2 experience. Either I had a right to know my partner's status before I acquired this, or my future partner has no right to know my status. I asked my dr about this the other day (as I often do) and all she says was, well then everybody would be on antivirals. And?.... so why should some people with it be on antivirals and disclosing and rejected and not others?... If antivirals are so safe to take, who cares if everyone is on it.