Ptsd dealing with it not so will

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I just got out of abusive marriage. Divorce November 13. My PTSD keeps knocking me down. I'm not on meds and don't want them. He was put on meds for depression and he hurt my shoulder.

I also have panic and anxiety attacks. Has anyone found a healthy and natural way to deal with this stuff? Daughter also has PTSD.

I'm strungling trying to find a job. Nervous that I wont be able to keep one if I got hired.

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  • Posted

    Sorry to hear about this Lori. Is there any way you can be referred for counselling or CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy)? This wouldn't involve medication and might help. Also, finding a support group in your area could help you too - it would give you the chance to talk to other women who've been in your position.
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    • Posted

      I am working with VOC Rehab and they sent me to LILA program. So I'm getting help. We have been working on finding the triggers. Got a lot of them. To many if you ask me. Now I have to find Anchors, not coming easy. I was also seeing a counselor just for the abuse I got from husband and to help deal with the divorce but that ended after the divorce was over with. I'm on OHP and she didn't take it.

      I just want to get better for me and my daughters sake. I will look into that time of therapy. 

      I'm trying to find a job because the money I will get from ex isn't enough.

      Thank you!


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  • Posted

    So sorry to hear this Lori. I would suggest seeing a good therapist. You need therapy for PTSD> I have it and therapy has helped me. You don't need medication but it can help. I heard St. John';s Wort is good for depression. Valarian is great for anxiety! You can buy Valarian in capsules at Walmart or a health store. Valarian roots is a sedative so be careful and dont drive after you take it until you adjust to it. Capskull and Chamomille also work good...Meditation prayer and deep breathing will also help with the anxiety. I suffered from anxiety for many years but dont take the medications for it anymore because I can control it on my own. I no longer have panic attacks because I control my thoughts. When you are having anxiety tell yourself you will be OK and take deep slow UNTIL your body and mind slows down and relaxes    
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    • Posted

      Thanks! I am seeing someone to help me at LILA's. Only three meetings under my belt. She got sick so we missed two weeks. Been working on finding the triggers. Now trying to find an anchor to stop it but no luck so far. I felt so happy after our meeting Wednesday but Thursday and today not so good. Yesterday was a mess.  I feel sorry for my daughter she doesn't know how to help me.  When she shuts down it was easier for me to take care of her then her taking care of me.

      When I try doing breathing exercises I end up in a panic attack. I fell like i can't breath even though I breathing. We do those in group and I just want to run out. So I just close my eyes and listen to what the lady says, I haven't been to group in awhile for I had my meeting with counselor those days.

      I will look into the ones you listed, I just need the money to get them. I was dumn enough to be a stay home wife and mom and I can't find a job. Money is tight right now. Worse then I ever exspected.

      I'm glad you said Wal-mart because it is just down the street. I'm in Oregon.



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    • Posted

      Hi Lori, 

      I'm sorry you are in this situation but I respect your not going on drugs.  There's all different kinds of CBT and things you can find on the web to help.  

      I added to this thread:

      One of the main things is to catch yourself thinking negative, troubling thoughts.  You don't HAVE to have those thoughts!  Try to be aware of when you start thinking, ruminating, and catch yourself.  Say to yourself, there are those thoughts again, but I don't have to think them!  Find some nurturing way you can distract yourself.  Practice kindness and compassion towards yourself.  

      As freelancewriter said, it's about controling the thoughts.  You are not at your thoughts' mercy.  You can put your foot down!  Though you have been traumatized, your past is now a story.  When you are in panick, you will not die, so you can remind yourself that at this moment, you are ok.  Everything is ok, it's just thoughts.

      A CBT program I am doing, called EBT, uses what we call the Damage Control tool when we are completely stressed out, overwhelmed, negative, in a panick.  At that brain state, we aren't really able to learn, but we can soothe ourselves with this mantra:  Do not judge (myself or others), minimize harm (this stress is doing to me), and know it will pass.  You repeat that over and over, 50 or 100 times if needed, until you feel calmer, with the stress and urgency lifting.  It really does work!

      Keep us posted!


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    • Posted

      I have spent years beating myself up. I'm working on it. I keep going every that has happened over the years and my counselor has been telling me to stop. It's hard but I have been stopping the bad thoughts this last week. It's not easy. I went from taking care of my mom when I was in seventh grade to being married to taking of my daughter. Now that the marriage is over with due to him hurting us I find myself a wreck but stronger then I ever thought I could be. Daughter is amazing and going through her own PTSD but I can't get her to go back to counseling, long story. So I learn from mine to help her.

      When the bad thoughts and memories come up this last week I was able to stop them by thinking about tomorrow or down the road. So far so good.

      I'm having nightmares at night. I tell my counselor and she writes them down. To me they don't make since.

      We had a great Christmas. Totally stress free. A friend came over and we had a great time eating watching movies and just talking. My daughter really liked her so I'm grateful for that, their first meeting. Friend going through a rough time too.

      Counselor said chance what you're thinking when I'm thinking about the bad stuff and find an anchor it's hard to do at times. But like I said this last week it was easier to do, I think it's because daughter was home not sure.

      I'm trying to gang in there. One day at a time. Single mom who hasn't worked since mid 90's and finding a job is hard here. Going to become a senior companion and taking classes for it in January. I don't drive which makes things hard but we have the city bus.

      Daughter has to start supervised visits with her father in mid January. Scared to death that her nightmares will start up again and her not sleeping at all. But their I go thinking ahead about problems that haven't even started yet.

      Thanks for the support.


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  • Posted

    Hello Lori, Hooefully this finds you better than 9 days ago. I too suffered PTSD. I had it for 35 years before I tried EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. However the tchniqu used was with my eyes closed and with tapping with a pencil on the palms of my hands. It took 4 sessions spread out over abou 5 or six weeks. My therapist had special training to do it. Very effective. No longer feel like I have to constantly look over my shoulder. I have been one not to trust anyone for a long time and it took about 6 to 9 months to trust my therapist even  glad I did. It's been 2 years and the real turning point in getting past the trauma was EMDR. I was amazed how such a simple process could reset my brain and bring so much relief. Good luck. 
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    • Posted

      Thanks David! I'm doing better. I still have days that I'm jumping at every sound. I have figured out the triggers and my counselor really helps.

      I just have to remember to breathe and be strong for my daughter. She has PTSD too. We both get scared when we see a white Subaru, long story.

      But Christmas was great. I had a friend over and we had a blast talking and eating. Watched movies too.

      I haven't tried any of the oils yet. No money. I got divorced in November and I haven't found a job yet. So I'm going to go back to college to get some training thanks to vocational rehabilitation.

      I take things a day at a time. Last week was pretty good. No attacks. Only a small one when a Subaru came out of nowhere.

      From what the doctor said I actually started having PTSD when I was a kid but didn't know it until know. So from my missed up childhood to my missed up marriage my body and mind couldn't take anymore. I haven't felt like crawling back in bed for a few weeks now. I have been going to classes and meetings, plus getting ready for Christmas which helped a lot. Having my daughter home always helps, her being in school makes it harder but she needs to learn and be with her friends.

      Stay in touch


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    • Posted

      Hi David! I'm doing better. I still see a Subura and it makes it hard to breathe. The freezing part is getting shorter. I tell myself I'm safe it helps.

      I'm not sure if we have EMDR here. I'm in Oregon. I have been seeing a counselor and we talk. She tells me I have to get my brain to think differently since I grew up in an abusive household and my marriage ended up abusive. It's helping but slow going. If I close my eyes in a group or with one person to do breathing exercises I go into a panic mode. I just can't breathe and just want to run out of the room. So I don't do the breathing exercises in the meetings at women's space. I haven't been to one of the abuse meetings in months. Since I started this counselor and I'm going to classes to help get a job.

      Plus daughter is on break until next week. I'm trying to learn what I can so I can help her. We both have PTSD and we jump when we here noises outside of the house. It stinks. Ex broke all the promises he made me. My fear about him becoming abusive came true cost me my shoulder and a hurt haw for me and daughter.

      I'm trying to trust people but everyone has left or hurt me in my life time. My daughter and I have no family support. A few friends are supporting us. Otherwise our cats love us. Sad we get more love from our cats then family and humans.

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