PTSD from being sexually abused as a child

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How do I stop the feelings I get where I no longer want to live? I am on my second marriage and I cheated on my husband. He knows we are trying to work through this and I cannot forgive myself for being so stupid as to.cheat on the only person who truly loved me. But I keep pushing him away. I have a dad who has nothing to do with me my step dad when I was a child sexually abused me. I had been remembering lately I was sexually abused by my second step dad as well. Over the past year when I get upset I want to kill myself. I have thrown myself downstairs I tried to slit my wrists but my husband stopped me. I have talked to professionals but I am sick of them just wanting to medicate me. I hit things throw things try to leave but I have no where to go and no one to run to? Any advise

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  • Posted

    Sounds like your past is still in your present . That's the same issues I have , although I've never been molested or any of that , I have a lot of anger , question & heartbreak towards the fact of my mother never being in my life so I take it out on those around me .. My father is actually one of my main victims along with my boyfriend and they are all I know of .

    The fact that your husband just wants to work everything out with you even tho you cheated sounds like a wonderful man and I swear to you the same thing that you are going through I'm having similarities . You have anger built go inside of you and you have to let it go (I know I haven't so I don't know why I'm not practicing what I'm preaching)

    But you can't be stuck in the past , you have to move on .. You have a wonderful husband in your life who wouldn't let anything happen to you now .. And I would like to ask did you get therapy when you were younger ?

    Even tho you cheated everyone makes mistakes .. The fact that you are try to mend that mistake and move on is all that matters .

    Don't hurt yourself because of your past sweetie & who knows. Maybe a dose of medicine can help you rid these estranged feelings & hurt of the past , you also have to forgive .. Never forget . But forgive .the longer you hold on to the pain & hurt and anger the more it hurts you

    How old were you when you got sexually abused ?

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    • Posted

      I was 9 from what I have remembered. From my mom's second marriage. Then here third marriage I was 11 and i t lasted until I was 18 and moved out. I have no idea where the second husband of hers is but the third one did kill himself when I was in my 20's. I am 43 now. As for therapy yes I took therapy at a young age but was told not to tell therapist everything cauze our life was different my mother said and no one would understand. I did some thereapy a few years ago and nothi g came of it. Therapist seemed to busy to really listen.
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  • Posted

    Hi you have never dealt with the feelings caused by the abuse which is why they are still with you today ruining your life.   You have to start dealing with them to stop this and for your future happiness. 

    Meds have their uses and can get you to a place where you feel a bit better and more able to tackle this.   Counselling (the right kind) can be of enormous help in this as it can help you face your fears and feelings,  which is what you must do.   You will never move on without it.   So take the help offered and start changing your life for the better.   x

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  • Posted

    First:Deal with your abuse. Counselling,discussion etc whatever it takes you must overcome your feelings of guilt.It was not your fault.It never was.Accept and believe that,... and only then can you deal with your insecurities.,caused because of your guilt.

    You have been "unfaithfull".Did you do it for "Attention?"..."excitement?".to "re live" the guilt ?.=To punish yourself.

    Your husband has forgiven.,because of "understanding".Others would not and terminate the relationship..You are fortunate you have been given another chance.Your husband is prepared to "talk",discuss etcTo be the "listener"

    But you must listen to yourself first!Only then can you now steer yourself accordingly with your husbands emotional support.He is prepared to share your deep rooted issues.Don't use him as the "whipping post" for all your frustration.

    Forgive yourself then accept His hand outstretched to you=TAKE IT.

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    • Posted

      Simon what you say does make since. However sometimes I feel so bad about everything that I close off and want everyone around me to leave. It's like I want to be alone and just DIE in my stupid own self pity.
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    • Posted

      Learn to forgive yourself...self inflicted "punishment"  hinders emotional progress.& you need to heal.Once accepted, you will then  welcome the support offered by your husband.The self healing process overall will now become your medicine.Discussion between you both should be encouraged.This too will add support.

      As long as you can both talk= you will make emotional progress.Strengthens everything...and you need strength to heal..

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  • Posted

    Hi whatever

    so sorry you are having such a difficult time right now.

    when a person is sexually abused it's as if your very essence/soul is traumatised and scarred for life. It is something most people don't fully recover from hence the difficulties remain throughout a lifetime. The key is to accept that this has happened to you and accept this was out of your control eg you could not stop it. If

    you continue to let these horrible events run your life, then you are letting those that abused you, keep that control over you.

    You need to work on healing yourself and to truly believe that in no way was this abuse your choice. But now you do have the choice to move forward. Start by loving yourself and work hard on healing the scars of your past. By you hurting yourself, suggests you haven't learnt to love yourself and by cheating on your husband and telling him about it, suggests you were testing him to confirm if he would stick by you. Eg.Him agreeing would then confirm to you, that he lives you.

    Each time you hurt yourself. .you are giving the power back to those that abused you. Hurting yourself is reaffirming in your mind that you are not worthy of being loved, happy and healthy. Please turn this behaviour around. YOU ARE WORTHY OF BEING LOVED.HAPPY AND HEALTHY. External counselling is great but the real progress begins and ends with you.

    accept you carry the battle scars, accept that this situation was out of your control, accept you are taking the control back, accept this situation hurt the core of you essence. Accept that you are going to work hard on healing your spirit/soul.

    Lastly accept that hurting yourself or those that love you is counterproductive and delays your healing.

    Remember you need to start loving yourself. . .This is essential for you to get better.

    I'm so sorry you have had such a dreadful ordeal and sincerely hope you will fully recover from this.

    You deserve to be loved by your husband/family and you deserve to be happy!

    God bless you always

    Lorraine xx

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