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Hi. Im 17 years old and i have been diagnosed with severe PTSD from childhood abuse by three specialists three times so far this year. I also have OCD, Anxiety and Panic disorder. My mother abused me emotionally and physically. My father on the other hand unknowingly abused me through emotional incest. And now i feel like im being suffocated by him on a daily basis. My parents both talked of their sexual relationships with each other many times which disturbed me but i also walked in on them once. Im always scared that my dad is sexually attracted to me.... i feel repulsed by him. I even have flashbacks of being raped by him... and it feels like someone is inside of me. I cant be in a relationship or even be intimate with a guy without feeling me dad is watching me and i get turned off or that the guy im intimate with IS my dad. Even today i was driving and i turned the steering wheel... and then i screamed because i had thought it was my fathers genitals or something for a second. I cant live like this anymore.... it effects me EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE. I just want to me able to be emotionally distant from my father and stop these flashbacks. Yesterday he came in my room and said 'just remember, i wont ever let anyone take you away from me' He is so disturbing... even though he hasnt raped me i feel like he has. He emotionally got too close to me... and i want to get away. I go to therapy but no therapist has really helped me with these problems. WHAT DO I DO???
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