PTSD from emotional incest.....

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Hi. Im 17 years old and i have been diagnosed with severe PTSD from childhood abuse by three specialists three times so far this year. I also have OCD, Anxiety and Panic disorder. My mother abused me emotionally and physically. My father on the other hand unknowingly abused me through emotional incest. And now i feel like im being suffocated by him on a daily basis. My parents both talked of their sexual relationships with each other many times which disturbed me but i also walked in on them once. Im always scared that my dad is sexually attracted to me.... i feel repulsed by him. I even have flashbacks of being raped by him... and it feels like someone is inside of me. I cant be in a relationship or even be intimate with a guy without feeling me dad is watching me and i get turned off or that the guy im intimate with IS my dad. Even today i was driving and i turned the steering wheel... and then i screamed because i had thought it was my fathers genitals or something for a second. I cant live like this anymore.... it effects me EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE. I just want to me able to be emotionally distant from my father and stop these flashbacks. Yesterday he came in my room and said 'just remember, i wont ever let anyone take you away from me' He is so disturbing... even though he hasnt raped me i feel like he has. He emotionally got too close to me... and i want to get away. I go to therapy but no therapist has really helped me with these problems. WHAT DO I DO???

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  • Posted

    The important thing is not to give up. These things can be really difficult. Are you still living with your parents? If so, depending on how old you are perhaps it is time to move out? If you are too young to move out and these issues are as severe as you seem to think then perhaps asking to go into care is the best option. Speak to social services and go from there.

    As for the therapists... have you found one you really get on with? And have you been completely honest with them at all times? Sometimes you need to keep looking for a therapist that you really get on with. It can make a huge difference.

    Most importantly you need to keep going. There is no quick fix for these types of issues.. trust me I am 24 and have been battling PTSD (amongst other things) for 10 years now. It does get easier as time goes by.

    Also, are you on any medication? Sometimes getting on the right medication can make therapy a little easier and make life easier too.

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  • Posted

    I don't know what to say charlotte, I'm just shocked and feel for you, keep speaking to us and we'll try to understand at least!  Huge hugs you deserve them.  I remember feeling like this until very recently, this website made me see the way out and so did my consultant at the hospital who said I can have ivf.  The low life who left my life in pieces for years is now very slowly disappearing from my forethoughts.  I hate him so much but for the sake of our marriage and the treatment we're going to have I'm willing to try and forget who he is, although forgiveness is harder!  There are people out there who understand - ask to see someone you must!  Good luck, I hope your life gets easier in the end.
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  • Posted

    It doesn't feel like it now but one day you will be free and be able to see that your parents were two disturbed messed up individuals.

    Keep out of their way as much as you can and I hope you find a good therapist.

    You need a social worker to help you move out of this situation and start to rebuild you own identity.

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