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Hi, so this is my first ever time posting on a thread and first time looking at this website, so please be nice
?I am 20 years old, I have been smoking weed since i was around 16 not much at this time because i never had a job so every bit of college money i got [£20 bursary per week of college, dinner money from my mother each day, pocket money from my father, birthday money, christmas money] would all be saved and spent on cannabis! Whenever i had scraped enough money together (which would be £10 for 1gram) i would buy it staight away and ask strangers or friends for ciggies/skin papers to make a 'joint'. A close relative always had cannabis available for me to buy, i lived with this close relative so if i never had enough money, i would 'strap' a bag of cannabis until i got money to pay him back (which would always be a matter of days). Eventualy at 17 i got a job in a call centre, i was paid roughly £75-£100 per week and as you probably guessed, this would be spent on weed, ive always worked and lived around cannabis smokers - so ive always thought its 'the way forward' and 'the normal way to live' honestly every person i knew was smoking the drug including my father, brothers, sister, friends, all of them. So because i had more money i obviously smoked alot more cannabis, i was at this job on this ammount of money smoking this ammount of weed for 1 year until i turned 18. (i should mention ive got a boyfriend who i have been together with since i was 16 also). So at 18 i got a great new job ??in a office/relail shop and my wage went up to £150 per week, well i was living the dream, from here i have smoked cannabis in the morning before work (before 9am), in the evening (just after 5pm) and just before bed (9-10pm). This was every single day monday-friday and even more at weekends. My wage eventualy went up to £250 per week and the smoking carried on for 2 years until i was 20. Enough was enough it was getting in the way of my relationship i would always rather spend money on weed than go out with my boyfriend, i would rather stay in bed than go and see my boyfriend at his house (he lives with his mother, father and sister) i would always find it 'too much, cant be assed, too far away,etc) anyway i remember falling out w?ith my close relative because i forgot to bring his £10 home after strapping 1 gram that morning, i got really aggressive and i ended up saying to him I WILL NEVER BUY WEED of you again, i ran around the corner to my dads and i sobbed my heart out because i felt i was addicted to weed and didnt know what to do. My dad told me he has never heard of anyone ever being addicted to weed and from that moment, i never smoked weeed again. So the date i went to my dads and gave him all my left over weed and told him to bin this weed was Tuesday 15th November 2016. Since this date its obviously been 6 weeks.
The first week was TORTURE;
?1st night: really bad sweats, woke up drenched and had to change my pyjamas a couple times becase they was soaking with sweat, felt like i really neded some weed but managed not to take any (because of the fear really of ASKING my close relative after telling him ill never get it again and i hated him.
?2nd night: again, terrible sweating and the real urge to smoke weed, again i managed not to smoke it, i had my boyfriend with me cuddling me, telling me it was gunna be ok he really helped.
?this happened for around 5 days until i woke up that day and said WOW i feel so refreshed. was telling a man who works next door in anothe relail shop how happy an refreshed i was! i think it was 2-3 weeks later i started getting this wierd wierd feeling, my chest was almost rattling, i felt as though i was nervous but i wasnt incontrol of my body.. Sweasting palms and feeling really UNCOMFRTABLE in really normal sitatiosn. after spending hours searching for answers, i found out i may have 'anxiety'. I tried to let this feeling pass, i bought some RESCUE REMEDY spray for my tounge which helps in panicky sitations, didnt really help me though. anyway it was saturday night and i normally go out every saturday for a meal and drinks cocktails with my boyfriend. I went out and BANG i had my very first panick atack, i had to leave the table and call a taxi and go home. This caused an argument with my and boyfriend but after phoning my sister who suffers with anxiety she talked me through the panick atack and helped me calm down slowly, everything she said to me i explained to my boyfriend and he sort of understood a little bit but didnt understand what i meant by 'the feeling in my chest, the big knot in my chest, my heart pounding coming out my chest, the fear im going to drop dead right her infront of everyone' he just didnt get it. Anyway this panicky feeling carried on for ocuple days and i struggled t sleep at night (Isomnia) about 3 weeks in , it was crazy the anxiety feeling had literally GONE, it was amazing, i bounced round telling my sister and my boyfriend, ITS GONE , ITS GONE, im made up. That was it i thought, im off the weed, im not being panicky of anxious! YAY! but then on the 4th week i got it really bad again like a smack in the face out of nowehere i was working at my desk quite busy to be honest, and i went a little dizzy which made me panick and i phoned me boyfriend to calm me down and it wasnt working. I obviously was telling my self from here its back, freaking my self out. I told my sister 4 1/2 weeks in that the feeling was back and thats when she told me, YOU NEED TO GO THE DOCTOR. i went the doctor and she put me on propanolol 10mg to take WHEN EVER i feel anxious upto 3 times per day (so upto 30mg per day) so i started taking them on Tuesday 20th December , 1 in the morning and ne at night. I felt like it was a miracle tablet and i felt as though i would never feel anxiety again!! It was amazing, on christmas EVE, i felt abit panicky again but NOT severe, i was a little worried incase it came back in the morning (christmas day) but it never , i woke up fine. Anyway i went to my boyfriends on xmas day (i dont really know the family well because as i said i was always more interested to sit in my house smoking weed than going to his to socialise. Anyway, we wher all sitting talking having dinner, (i took 10mg (1 tablet) about 40 mins before dinner, and BANG i felt panicky again, not a panick atack, but enough to make me text my boyfriend to take me upstairs on the sly. My boyfriend asked me if i want a ciggie and to come upstairs to get them (just saying this to get me off the table cause i asked him to via text [im shy] and was panicked) anyway as soon as i got into his room i felt a big relief but stil shaky and cried my eyes out on xmas day in his arms. I made him get us a taxi home to where i feel safe and i was fine again in my house. ITs now boxing day and i havent took a tablet cause i belive they have stopped working for me And i feel shaky siting here now. But if the tablets arent working why take them? I might of went on a little bit on this post but im nervous and a little confused as to WHAT exactly to write! I am going on holiday on 9th January which involves a hour plane flight and im really worried incase i panick. The feling makes me feel like im going to die and i cannot stand it, its unbearable. I am going to call my doc on Wed 28th and arrange to see her hopefully before 9th Jan. But does anyone on here know anything about this? have u quit weed? ive heard this feeling goes away after 90 days so ive got another 48 days left .. but i also believe i may have developed anxiety disorder whilst smoking weed and DID NOT realise because the weed was covering it up. Thats alo what my doctor said might of happened. So am i stuck with this for life? If she going to give me a higher dose of proponalol? I dont want to depend on tablets, i dont want to NOT BE IN CONTROL of my body. i almost feel like just smoking weed agian but its been 6 weeks and everyone says ive done so well. Please any help i would aprecaite. Please, thank you. Please feel free to give me your stories about quitting weed and anxiety. MErry xmas to you all and all the best. So sorry about going on this much i know its abit long. Thanks alot.
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