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So, I am embarrassed to even talk about this, as this condition is solely caused by me. It started when I was about 7 or 8 years old, I am now 22.
I am of Asian descent, when I was younger, I used to get bullied and teased a lot because of my eyes and my chubbiness. I have done things in attempt to alter my physical image to please others, especially my mother, whom has always been very critical of my appearance, esp. my small eyes.
In regards to my weight, I have eaten significantly less and exercise a lot as a young kid; I am now quite skinny. My parents think that I got appendicitis because of losing weight.
In order to make my eyes "bigger," every day (until I felt is was damaged) I would vigorously roll my eyes in circular motion (not with my fingers/ hands, just how someone would roll their eyes, but I did it quickly, persistently and repeatedly, almost forcibly, with my eyeballs moving in a clockwise circular fashion continually sometimes for 10 minutes or more. I did this in my bedroom, on the bus to school, and in the restroom.
In between these routines, my mom once remarked that she noticed my eyes got bigger, so I continue to practice this eye routine until one day, I felt something "snapped" behind my left eyeball. Since then, I was able to "feel" or sense movement and what I feel to be sensory nerves that may be connected to my brain and the left side of my body, specifically my left hand. It is hard to describe,but I feel like I can feel what is behind my eye; surely something has become torn or damaged.
Whenever I feel movement behind my left eye, my fingers on my left hand are susceptible to this "sensation," like it is something that is perceptible by touch. All the eye doctors from private practice and the hospitals did not see anything wrong when they looked into/ behind my left eye. They suggest that this problem could possibly be due to the dryness of the eye, so they prescribed eye drops.
When I put the drops in my left eye, I could literally feel the liquid entering inside, and it really scares me. I am still scared because I don't know if I can ever be normal again. My family did know of my eye condition before, but once the doctors told them that they could not detect anything wrong, they all think I'm lying about my eye. Ever since then, I pretended that I was alright and my eye condition was gone. Now, only my older sister and my brother know that it has never gone away.
Perhaps, there is a nerve pertinent to the brain got damaged? I do not know. I researched on the internet to seek any conditions related to what I have, and could find none. I feel really stupid of what I have done to myself, but I am also really afraid and would like to get to the bottom of this problem. I need recommendations of someone who is able to help me.
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