Rare eye condition, doctors don't know cannot detect anything wrong

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So, I am embarrassed to even talk about this, as this condition is solely caused by me. It started when I was about 7 or 8 years old, I am now 22. 

I am of Asian descent, when I was younger, I used to get bullied and teased a lot because of my eyes and my chubbiness. I have done things in attempt to alter my physical image to please others, especially my mother, whom has always been very critical of my appearance, esp. my small eyes.

In regards to my weight, I have eaten significantly less and exercise a lot as a young kid; I am now quite skinny. My parents think that I got appendicitis because of losing weight.

In order to make my eyes "bigger," every day (until I felt is was damaged) I would vigorously roll my eyes in circular motion (not with my fingers/ hands, just how someone would roll their eyes, but I did it quickly, persistently and repeatedly, almost forcibly, with my eyeballs moving in a clockwise circular fashion continually sometimes for 10 minutes or more. I did this in my bedroom, on the bus to school, and in the restroom.

In between these routines, my mom once remarked that she noticed my eyes got bigger, so I continue to practice this eye routine until one day, I felt something "snapped" behind my left eyeball. Since then, I was able to "feel" or sense movement and what I feel to be sensory nerves that may be connected to my brain and the left side of my body, specifically my left hand. It is hard to describe,but I feel like I can feel what is behind my eye; surely something has become torn or damaged.

Whenever I feel movement behind my left eye, my fingers on my left hand are susceptible to this "sensation," like it is something that is perceptible by touch. All the eye doctors from private practice and the hospitals did not see anything wrong when they looked into/ behind my left eye. They suggest that this problem could possibly be due to the dryness of the eye, so they prescribed eye drops.

When I put the drops in my left eye, I could literally feel the liquid entering inside, and it really scares me. I am still scared because I don't know if I can ever be normal again. My family did know of my eye condition before, but once the doctors told them that they could not detect anything wrong, they all think I'm lying about my eye. Ever since then, I pretended that I was alright and my eye condition was gone. Now, only my older sister and my brother know that it has never gone away.

Perhaps, there is a nerve pertinent to the brain got damaged? I do not know. I researched on the internet to seek any conditions related to what I have, and could find none. I feel really stupid of what I have done to myself, but I am also really afraid and would like to get to the bottom of this problem. I need recommendations of someone who is able to help me.

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  • Posted

    *I could feel the liquid from the eye drop seeping behind my eyeball along with the movement of the nerves, which is different from the normal response when I drop the liquid into my right eye.
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    • Posted

      I don't know much about the physiology of the eyes, but from what I do know, I don't think it's actually possible for the drops to seep behind the eyeball without some serious tear that would be visible to a slit lamp and likely producing all kinfds of other side effects.

      I may be wrong. But is it possible that you are feeling something else?

      I am wondering how the eye doctors responded when you told them you thought that by rolling your eyeballs extensively you might have done some damage.

      Did they think that likely? Possible? Unlikely?

      I suggest you take yourself to a regular optician and ask for an eye test and ask them to look at your eye through a slit lamp. Tell them your full story, just as you've related it here, without any shame or embarassment (there is nothing to be embarassed about) and listen to what they say. You may need some reassurance, and it could be something quite minor is going on that can be easily sorted out.

      Dry eye is a complicated issue that can produce all sorts of unpleasant feelings in the eyes, and this could be one of them.

      I am so sorry to hear your parents do not support you. But if they're putting you down, take your sister or your friend with you.

      Are you in the UK?

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    • Posted

      I haven't described the entire process in how I got this problem to the doctors as I have relayed it here. Two of them did look into my eyes with a slit lamp and could not detect anything wrong, perhaps it is a matter related to my brain that controls the sensation to the eyes? I do not know.

      When I told them that I rolled my eyes persistently/ extensively, they thought it was weird that it would cause such damage, they did not indicate that it was impossible however.

      I am actually in the U.S. right now.

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    • Posted

      Just go to an optometrist or opthamologist, not an optician. Check the phonebook or online. My optometrist is at a clinic associated with a hospital. Say the complete medical exam or you will probably get more of a check for glasses. Xx
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